Sunday, August 31, 2014

Gray Obsession

So, everything is still in motion for us to move very VERY soon! Oh, yes, the time is flying & it went from being 6 weeks away to being a week from tomorrow!!! How did that happen?! I don't know! All i know is, one minute i was moaning about how 6 weeks is going to take FOREVER, and now I'm...well, now I'm moaning that 2 weeks is going to take FOREVER. I can be dramatic & whiny. I'm not the most patient person on the planet. But really, it's HERE! It's practically here!

Today was one of my favorite days having to do with house purchase, because it was not another day of hubby packing and me procrastinating... instead, it was a day of SHOPPING!

This morning we skipped church & went to Mason's Grill for breakfast. (I know...heathens!) You may remember that Mason's is where we went for my (non)Mother's Day & it was AMAZING. We went today and got the same thing as last time (creatures of habit, i tell ya!). And it didn't disappoint. 


He really loves when i take pictures while he's eating.

After breakfast, we headed out shopping for the new house! We had a very specific list in mind!

First, we went to Target. Brad wanted some very basic cheapo shelves for his studio to put his books. His current shelves are fastened to the wall & they could be removed but they're a pain to move & he really doesn't want to try.  I wanted to look at other house things in Target, not to buy anything but just to see what they have as far as TV stands, ottomans, & comforters. I saw a comforter online from Target that i really like and am considering, but i was hoping to see it in person. It wasn't in the store, though. I saw other cute ones but i think i may go back to this one.



Yes, it is gray... did i mention i am already painting our living room & kitchen gray, and our couch would be gray?! With teal accents of course, but why am i now trying to make our bedroom gray?! Apparently i have a new obsession with that color. Weird. Anyway. Then i was on the Lowe's website & found a really pretty lavender/gray paint color called Sweet Orchid, and thought, heyyyy. orchid on the walls, gray on the bed, orchid accents.... not a bad plan! It's not for sure, but i do like it. Still undecided.

After Target, we headed to Lowe's. We got a great deal on a refrigerator (thanks, Labor Day weekend sales!), and we also bought 3 ceiling fans! Plus, we looked at paint & patio furniture (both of which can wait for a later date). I have never had so much fun in Lowe's...not even CLOSE! Today it was my favorite.


After Lowe's we went to a furniture store to look at couches!!! We also wanted to look at TV chests and a chest for our bedroom. Our bed & dresser match but the chest is one Brad had from before we got married, and i really have wanted matching bedroom furniture for awhile now. They didn't have anything we wanted for the TV chest or bedroom chest, but we found our couch!! I wanted a gray sectional. And that is what we got! I love love love it!! :)



It looks kinda dark in the above pictures. The below picture is a better one of the color. The pillows & ottoman are not a part of it... teal accents will be with this gray! I'm so excited! Oh, and it's VERY comfortable! :)


After that we had lunch and we were so excited!! Brad happy that the shopping didn't take all day long, and me happy that i found a cute couch! And fridge & fan, of course, but mostly i was happy about the couch!

So that's what  is happening lately! Yay! Oh, I did settle on a shower curtain for our bathroom. Gray. Go figure. I seriously have a problem. But i liked it too much! I guess my whole stinking house will be GRAY! Whatever. I'm just gonna go with it.


One thing I am really excited about is two canvases I ordered from Canvas on Demand. I have always wanted canvases from some of our professional photo sessions but they are soooo expensive! Canvas on Demand regularly runs a special for 2 large canvases for $49. My friend ordered hers recently and they just came in and are VERY VERY NICE!! So when they ran the special again (which is NOW, FYI), i joined in! I'm super excited!

So, i guess that's it for now. More to come!! Especially in a couple weeks when i am off work & painting & moving & all that good stuff! Cannot wait! :)

Saturday, August 30, 2014

We Miss You, Keith!

This is really late. I should've blogged about it in June. But I didn't. Well, I'm blogging about it now! It's just not something I want to leave out.

Most of you know that I have been involved with our local theater for the last 8 years. I auditioned in 2006 for the summer musical, Beauty & the Beast. I was cast in it as a villager & placemat. I had no idea that would be the beginning of a wonderful experience. A second home. A second family. I met so many people in that cast that are still good friends today.

Keith Dixon was the director of that theatre and of that play. I remember seeing him during dance auditions. At this point, I had finished my dance audition, and my vocal audition was the day before. I was just in the lobby, taking it all in, waiting to hear if i had a callback. He walked through the lobby, stopped and looked at me and asked me my audition number. I told him and he said, "I want to see you back tomorrow." He didn't tell me what part i was being called back for. But he wanted to see me back. I remember being a little intimidated by him. He just was so "in charge" & you knew he was someone to listen to and respect.

The next evening at callbacks, auditionees would go to the stage to sing when their number was called. You could tell by the groups on stage which part they were called back for. He would say, "If i call your number, please go on stage", and then he would call out a series of numbers. I remember seeing probably 25 potential Belles on stage. They all sang a song together and then one at a time had to sing a portion of the song. I remember seeing a beautiful brunette with the perfect singing voice and thinking "THAT is Belle." And she was.

Then he called up all the Gastons, then the Beasts, the Lafous, the Maurices, the Mrs Potts, and so on. At the end of the night, he had still not called my number. I didn't realize i was called back for Mrs. Potts, or i would have gone up! But i had never done this before, and he never told me which role he wanted me to audition for. (Obviously, I'm not a Belle or a Gaston... I should've guessed. But i didn't know how it worked!) Hundreds auditioned and there were at least a hundred at callbacks, so the time came for him to do a massive cut. He said, "If I call your number, I need you to stay. If i do not call your number, I need you to go ahead and leave." & he added info about when the cast list would be posted & all of that. He called out a bunch of numbers (not mine), and then said firmly, "If your number was not called, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead & go now." He wasn't being mean, but he had a show to cast and it was already getting late. He hadn't called my number but I hadn't auditioned! I was terrified to approach him, but I had to. He was standing in front of the stage, facing it, with audition forms spread out in front of him. I walked up behind him and very timidly said, "But what if we didn't get to sing?" He swung around and said, "You didn't sing?! Sh**!" LOL. I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know..." & he said, "That's okay, that's okay. I remember how you sing, I want you to stay and read for a part."

I'm SO GLAD I said something to him, because I was cast! No, i didn't get Mrs. Potts, I got ensemble, but i was ecstatic! And I had no idea then that would be the start of many years working right next to Keith in auditions after auditions as his stage manager! I knew nothing then, but now I have a wealth of knowledge about theatre and the way it works...about casting and stage management and even directing that I never would have known. And i absolutely LOVE the world of theater. It is SO MUCH FUN.

Me & Keith, 2012 Beaux Arts Ball

I have so many other memories of Keith as well. I worked next to him as his stage manager for numerous productions. There was a time when he was the ONLY director i would work with (having had bad experiences with other directors). He knows how to treat his volunteers. He was (and is!) the very best. One of my best memories of Keith is when i was stage manager for Agnes of God. The mother of a good friend of mine had committed suicide that day. I had loved her family, and her mom was no exception. It was a difficult day, very hard to wrap my head around. I found out that afternoon, but i kind of walked around in shock. I didn't cry or anything - until in rehearsal that evening. Keith was not the director for that production, but he sat in on a production meeting before rehearsal. They were talking about something at the end of that meeting, and i was totally off in space, thinking about my friend who was gone. I glanced at Keith, and he mouthed the words, "Are you okay?" He knew something was not right. I barely nodded. After the meeting was over, everyone except Keith walked off. We had a break before rehearsal. He looked at me again as if to say, "Are you sure you're okay?" And i told him i had lost a friend that day, and i just started crying. He was like, "Come on, walk with me." We walked off and he asked me what happened, and kind of let me spill. It meant SO MUCH TO ME. He is not a guy who is afraid of tears, he always has the right words. He really is the best! I have so many other fantastic memories from working with Keith! Too many to share!

I am telling you all of these memories, because Keith took another job in Spokane, Washington... just a LITTLE far away from Baton Rouge, Louisiana! I knew this day would come eventually... just didn't know when. He stayed at our theatre for 10 years, and made it a better place. He did SO MUCH to improve our community theatre. He moved away in June, and he is SO MISSED! I ran sound for Annie, and every time i drove into the parkinglot I would look for Keith's car out of habit! I used to look for his car when i pulled up, and would think, "yay! keith is here!" when i saw it. He is just a great guy to have in your life!

One of Keith's best friends, Jeff, who also does a lot of acting at our theatre, planned an AMAZING going-away celebration for Keith before he left! It was really THE BEST! Keith knew something was being planned, but had no idea what it was. We filled the theatre - it was packed!! - before Keith arrived. He was instructed to text one of our stage managers when he arrived. When he did, she went to his car & escorted him in. He walked in and immediately everyone was on their feet cheering for him! It was awesome!! He was led to his seat...third or fourth row, center. They had all his favorite snacks there (popcorn, probably recees or snickers or something, and most importantly - diet coke!). And then they put on an AWESOME show in celebration of Keith! It was truly FANTASTIC. I wish i had it on video. So many inside jokes, stories, and mini-performances from the plays he did in his ten years as director. He obviously means so much to so many people.




 


 Keith & Natalie - one of my friends from Beauty & the Beast

  Keith & Jack - two of the best!


 Terrible pic of me (we were laughing at something), but i love it anyway! 

 Keith with Tyler, Natalie & Bridgette

 Me & Brad


 These two are hilarious!

 Love this girl!

Zac & Haley - BFFs

Just a couple weeks after his going-away party, he came to opening night of Annie. He would be leaving the next day. I ran sound for Annie & was so glad to get another hug before he left!

 
This is Keith, Mary & Richard. As i said, Keith was director for Beauty & the Beast in 2006. Richard was the music director. That was Mary's first show at TBR as well as mine. In fact, I sat next to Mary at my first rehearsal! Crazy to think here we are taking pics with these two guys, 8 years later! :) (Mary also met her husband in the Beauty & the Beast cast!)

 

Emily has also left us... she announced it shortly after Keith announced leaving. Emily & her husband got jobs in the theatre department of a college in Oklahoma! So awesome! She has been the theatre's resident tech director for several years and she is an AMAZING lighting designer. She also does choreography. Emily is really just super talented & smart, and i have learned a TON from her! She is also a great friend! They just left this month. Love her & miss her greatly!


Sorry this was so long! But there was so much to say! Keith made a huge impact on my life while he was here, and i feel so lucky that my time at our theatre was under the leadership & direction of a wonderful talent and friend, Keith Dixon. We miss you, Keith! 


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

house decor & stuff

Thanks for all of you who are all excited for me and my new house! EEP! I'm super excited! I mean, i'm trying to chill because it's still 594040 years before we actually get to move, so i am trying to tame my enthusiasm just a bit. But really... last time i wrote was July 27th & here it is mid-August! We should close Sept 9. Maybe sooner. Hopefully not later.

But it's such a cute little house & I will show you a picture once we close. Even though it's gonna happen... i feel weird about posting a pic before we do.


I can show you all that I've been pinning, though! Because a new house means new decor, DUH.

So, my living room will be grays with accents of teal. Or aqua. Or something. Light gray walls, new sectional in gray, cute little accent chair (in teal), throw pillows (teal), rug (a little teal), picture frames (teal). You get the idea? Definitely a wall gallery on the wall behind the couch. YES! Kitchen will be the same (gray & teal) because the kitchen opens into the den. We got new wood floors! They are so beautiful!! I am so excited to get away from the GREEN CARPET I've been looking at since i married Brad over 5 years ago! Haha!

Basically, THIS is my vision... there won't be a window behind the couch... there will be some teal accents... but you get the idea, right? 

SO far, thanks to my mother who shows excitement by buying things (AHEM!), I have an adorable accent chair. It's comfy too!



I also bought this print from etsy. I don't know if it will be in the gallery or somewhere else. But i love it.


I haven't gotten it (yet?), but i love this rug!


So fun!!! And i definitely want this letter V for our wall gallery... probably in teal, though. Ha. (Don't freak out. Won't be too much teal once i add in all the gray! Just little pops of teal!)


I guess that's all for now. Although you should go to my "master bedroom" pinterest board & tell me which comforter you like best - or if you have seen another one i might like! Haha! (Ours is so old and faded & i want a new one.)

So yeah... we've been busy with work & home buying (which is just...man! So. Much. Paperwork!). The department that handles the type of loan we are getting, they are 3 weeks behind. And our papers should go to their office in the next few days. Which will put us on time for our closing date of Sept 9! I would love for it to happen sooner... but i hope it's not pushed back later! And i hope the time flies! (So far, so good... i suppose.)

The other thing i wanted to tell you is my parents got a pool ... the pool guys started working on Monday & it was DONE by Thursday! DANG! Isn't it wonderful!? I was gonna show you a picture, but i had to save all my pics from my phone onto my computer sunday & delete them off my phone (out of storage) & now i can't find it. Oops.

But Saturday we are having a pool party, so i'll be sure to get some pics!! :)

Another fun thing... i am doing whole30. Okay, that's not fun. But it's necessary. I am on Day 12. Doing good so far. :)

Alrighty... i think i've caught you up on my life. Hope your week is great! :)

Sunday, July 27, 2014

New House, coming right up!

Many of you know, we live in a trailer. Er, mobile home. It hasn't been my favorite thing. Honestly, the trailer itself isn't that bad. But the trailer park we are in has gone downhill over the last few years (used to be nice, believe it or not) & the area of town we are in is just awful. Brad owned this place when we married, so naturally this would be where we would live. (I was living in a condo that my roomie owned - i just paid her rent & my share of utilities.) You cannot beat the monthly note in a trailer, way less than a house note and wayyyy less than an apartment's rent. It was the best place for us, financially speaking. We figured we would be here for 2-3 years, or maybe i just told myself that so i wouldn't freak out. Haha! But here we are at 6 years and we are finally about to get out of here!!! :)

 (Our trailer...from maybe the 4th time in my life that it snowed. Haha.)

And i get it - there are worse things. We could be homeless or living in one of those OLD trailers or a shack. I am not saying this has been a HORRIBLE arrangement. But you know. I wanted a cute house like all of my friends. And in another area of town. That's all. IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!

Awhile back, Brad decided we should start maybe looking at land to move our trailer on. Then, in some years, we could build. I was totally fine with this, since it's really the area i hate more than the trailer itself. But after looking at land for several days, we realized it would be better (simpler and even cheaper) to just find a house. For one thing, the land that we could afford needed to be cleared & needed to have sewage/water/electricity, so once we did all that it would be a lot more expensive. The land that was already cleared with everything there was nearly the price of a home! It just didn't make sense. So we decided to look at houses instead.


 At the bank, getting pre-approved. Just a little excited. Haha!

I contacted my realtor and told her we were ready to start looking. I had been looking CONSTANTLY on a realty app and had several i wanted to go see. We told her that we could not buy a house until we sold our trailer, because even though it is paid for (we paid it off a few months ago), we still have to pay lot rent & didn't want to get stuck paying that after we moved (on top of a new house note).

Well, she advised we go ahead & put our trailer up for sale because trailers take awhile to sell. So i took some pictures and posted it on Facebook - on my page and on a few local resale pages. I also put it on Craigslist. And i think one other site for mobile homes. We got a few calls from people asking about it & wanting to come see it. A lady on FB messaged me on Sunday asking if they could come see. She and her husband came that afternoon - AND BOUGHT IT! The first people to even look at it!

It was so funny because on our way home after church, Brad's like like, "Wait. What if someone comes to see it and wants to get it?! Like what if they make an offer right away? What do we do then?!" Clearly neither of us have sold a home before. We realized we needed a purchase agreement but thought it was okay if we didn't have one yet. I said, "Babe, nobody is going to buy it right away. Even if they like it, they're gonna go talk about it first & then call us and make an offer." JUST IN CASE, brad's mom brought over a purchase agreement for us (since we don't have a printer). I'm so glad she did because that couple came AND MADE AN OFFER!!!! Like, right away!!! So basically we sold our trailer in just a little over 24 hours. How crazy is that!?!?! HAHAHA!

After they left, we were like, "what just happened?!?!" There was nothing to do but go to D'Angelos to celebrate.

Just a little excited again! Celebrating the quick sale of our trailer.

The AMAZING & God-thing about it, besides that it sold in one day, is that we were worried about someone buying it and needing to move in RIGHT AWAY, since we didn't have a house yet. But these people are not at all concerned about that! They are just buying it to put on their land for their daughter. She lives with them now. So it's not like somebody's gonna be homeless. They are being very patient with us & we are so thankful that God brought us just the right buyers at just the right time! They were so nice and just really good people. 

And then we looked at a few houses, found the right one for us & are going through all the necessary paperwork and inspections and all of that fun stuff. Another wonderful thing is our house note will be only a tiny bit more than what we have been paying on our trailer (before paying it off). That is a miracle!! And unheard of! I am praising God because He is good & He knows exactly what we need when we need it! :) 

The house we are getting is small, but that is okay. It isn't our forever home and that is okay, too. It's just a little starter home. But it is in a much better area, in a much better neighborhood, and it is super cute. Haha. We love it & are thrilled.

So for those who have asked, we are still in our trailer & will be until we close on the house, which won't be until early September. Late August if we're lucky. We still have a house inspection on Tuesday, but it is a newer house, so everything should be okay.

And so we are super excited! 

So that is the fun part of life I have been talking about lately! Fun because of Pinterest, honestly. I've been planning decor like crazy. Cannot WAIT until moving day! 


Saturday, July 26, 2014

Catching up...

Thanks so much to those of you who already read and commented on my last post. Such sweet people in my life, I tell ya! I didn't know if any of that made sense but I'm relieved to know it kinda sorta did! I'm having a good day today. You just never know! But today is good. Could have something to do with the fact that it's the weekend. Yay!

I feel like I should catch you up on things that have happened lately. And by that I mean, I'll show you the most recent pics in my phone and tell you about them! I know.... I might be the laziest blogger ever. I'm okay with that! 


Had lunch with my good friend Ashley last week-ish. I love this girl. I was in musical theatre class with her and her husband in high school (before they were together), lost touch with them for years, but reconnected on Facebook a few years ago. And we have become good friends again in person, so she's more than JUST a FB friend now! Love her soooo much and so glad she is in my life. Good catching up with her!

Got together with my friend Brittany K, who is designing my photography website! Love this chic!

Had dinner with these two ladies. I know them from my infertility support group! So glad i have them in my life! Much needed girl time. 


Got a flat tire on my way home from work! Argh!!! BUT! This situation could have been so much worse! For one thing, i was on the interstate but i was so close to my exit! For another thing, at the exact same time my husband arrived to help, a stranger also arrived, and they worked together as a team. And man! I have never seen a tire changed so quickly. (Yes, i am a poor soul who hasn't changed a tire since she was taught how to change one, which was probably over a decade ago, so i will just call my husband instead. That's what they are good for! Haha. Just kidding. Kind of.) Anyway, those two worked very quickly because the sky was BLACK & there was lightening behind us...we all knew that in just a minute it would be pouring! And as soon as we all got in our cars to leave, it started raining HARD! The kind where you windshield wipers and umbrellas aren't much help. So yeah. That situation could have been way worse! Oh yeah, and, we thought I'd need a new tire, but it was able to be repaired for twenty-five bucks. Yay! 


Last Sunday, our youth director, Andy, was ordained in our morning service. I brought my camera to get some quick pics! Shoulda used flash, the lighting just wasn't working for me. This was the best I could do! (So, i guess this post isn't ONLY iPhone photos. Ha!) Anyway, we love these two & are thrilled for them. He's been our youth director for a couple years now, but now he is an official minister... like, he can do weddings! We love Andy... love hearing him preach & he is hilarious.



His wife, Ashley, is one of my dearest friends. She is always SO full of joy & she spreads joy around just by being there. No kidding. All of you would love her!

 

Went to visit my good friends for a bit! Love love love this sweet family! And their daughter just kept kissing me!!! Isn't that the sweetest?!

 This past weekend, me and my mom and sister went to the beach! Second year in a row, and we are thinking it will be an annual occurrence. I'm good with that! Anyway, we didn't actually make it TO the beach. Just the balcony. I know. Sad. Mom has kidney stones and I wasn't feeling well on the one day we were planning to go to the beach! Argh! Yes I know we are crazy. For the record... I really regret it! Shoulda sucked it up and gone down there anyway! 

But we still had a great time together!



And we ate at Lambert's. If you haven't eaten here... my condolences. Oh my word. I love it. There are no words. Except, thank you. Thank you, Mr & Mrs Lambert.


So that's what's been happening lately! Will tell you about the house hunt next! 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

What i'm really thinking...

There are so many things going on in my  heart and my life. Good & bad things. Heartbreaking things. I don't even know where to begin. Nothing crazy has happened or anything. I just feel like i am now starting to deal with my miscarriage in March. This is difficult, because I feel like most people have either forgotten about it, or assume I am over it now & doing well. I am sorry to tell you, but that is not the case.

Side note: by "deal with it", i just mean... i am starting to FEEL it. I don't know that i am actually dealing with anything. I know that i am hurting. I know that i am broken. I know that i wonder if i will ever get through this. This feels over-dramatic but it's true.  And yet there are really good things happening, too, and i am thankful for that. More on the good things later. Tonight i feel like just pouring words on this screen and hoping it all makes a little sense when i am finished.

When it first happened, i grieved, and i grieved hard. But i grieved for all of one day & then i felt an incredible amount of peace. And it stuck with me, for awhile. And after that i think i may have just maybe acted like it didn't happen? Or something. I don't know. But i stopped really thinking about it. I kept thinking about and hating and dealing with infertility. But the miscarriage? I couldn't allow myself to really think about it too much. That is not to say that infertility is easier to deal with than a miscarriage. I don't believe that. Miscarrying is one of the most painful experiences of my life (physically & emotionally), but infertility is right up there with it, and the thing is it just keeps on going. It never stops. We just made our 3 year anniversary of trying to conceive. The part about the miscarriage that upsets me the most is that it came with a pregnancy that happened after almost 3 years of trying to conceive. It was a miracle, an answer to prayer, only to be taken away. It felt like a joke. An incredibly cruel one. It still feels like a joke.

I find myself now in a really hard place. I cannot follow certain people on facebook, because they are due when i was due. So they are experiencing all of their little pregnancy milestones when i should be experiencing them too. Not their fault, at ALL, but of course when i see it on facebook it is a reminder of what i should also be experiencing. It is NOT FAIR. It is even harder when the person didn't even want a kid or didn't want another kid or got pregnant on accident or does nothing but complain about their pregnancy or their kid. These things are unbearable for someone like me. Again, it's not their fault, they are just expressing their thoughts & feelings on facebook like anyone else. But it still hurts. It still feels like i have been punched in the stomach. It still makes my heart ache at the most unexpected times.

I don't want you to think that if you are pregnant or have babies or children that your posts bother me. This isn't necessarily about YOUR posts. I am speaking in general at this moment, about no one in particular. Some of your posts don't bother me. I see some of them and think how cute your baby is or what a cute baby belly you have or how cute you are decorating your nursery. But there are others that make me just want to cry. And that's just the way it is right now, and i'm sorry. I wish it wasn't.

We have not gone back to the fertility specialist. I needed a break from it all, physically, but also emotionally, because fertility treatments are no joke. It is a huge amount of stress on your body & on your finances. You are at the doctor's office just about everyday. I needed the break, and Brad wanted us to take a break for financial reasons, too. He wanted to make sure we had paid off the last three IUI's before we did another one.

So we are still on break & I don't know when i will go back. We need wisdom; we need the Lord to guide us. I don't want to go back if it's not going to work anyway, and i don't want to go back if God's going to do a miracle of the old-fashioned kind anyway, but i don't want to NOT go back if the miracle is going to take place at the fertility clinic. And believe me... whether it happens in the bedroom or the doctor's office - it is still a miracle of God.

I want to admit to you (and this is probably just me, and just a result of infertility, so forgive me if you have said something like this) that it really bothers me to see a picture of a baby on facebook & the parents caption it by saying something like "we did good!" or "look what we made!". You are probably wondering how that is something that bothers me, and I understand. It is just one of those things that really means nothing, the person didn't mean to say anything hurtful, they are just trying to say how cute their kid is, and i get that. I do. But it bothers me anyway. Most people that easily get pregnant have no clue ALL OF THE THINGS that must happen at the exact correct time in order for a baby to be conceived! It is TRULY a MIRACLE !! And i know everyone knows it is a miracle, I know everyone exclaims about the miracle of life when a baby is born, but most of them really have no idea of how great this miracle is! It's not only a miracle if you tried for 10 years to get pregnant and finally conceive. It is just as much a miracle when you get pregnant in the first month of trying, because SO MANY THINGS have to happen with timing for you to conceive. It is not as simple as sperm meets egg! If you don't believe me... read a book! Seriously. All you did was have sex, or maybe you are really smart & you knew to time it to when you ovulate! But God is the creator of life. Not you. Pardon my bluntness. I know this is all very blunt. But i am so tired of people taking things like their precious gifts from God for granted, I am so tired of people thinking they made that little baby without any help at all! The truth is, you had only a little to do with that person being created. GOD is the one who deserves the praise & thanks for it! 

Sorry...I feel like that was a WHOLE LOT OF PSYCHO in that last paragraph, but I'm keeping it. It feels good to get that off my chest. And I just feel like people say these things without thinking, without having any idea how it can affect someone. I wish people would think a little bit before they post certain things. Here is another example of something that bothers me in a newsfeed.


Y'all. These kinds of posts BUG ME. Not just from an infertility standpoint. I just think there is a whole lot of lecture & know-it-all in this kind of post. But geez. Things like this are easy to take personally. More than likely, the person who posted this wasn't thinking of ME. They were thinking of some pain in the butt relative who does nothing but complain about stupid things. But when you post things you have to take into account ALL OF THE PEOPLE who will be reading it & what they may or may not be going through. I know i shouldn't take these things personally. I used to take NOTHING personally!! But infertility. It has changed me in a lot of ways. Good and bad.

Truth is, i know i am blessed. SO BLESSED. In many ways. I marvel all the time at how many really GOOD friends i have. I know that is rare. I love my church family, my in-laws, my parents, my sister. I have a great job. I have found so much joy in theatre & photography. My husband is the sweetest & our marriage has been pretty fantastic. I am thankful. But i do think about infertility a lot. I do cry about it. I do talk to God about it a lot, sometimes in tears, sometimes angry. He understands. I am SO THANKFUL that He understands! But things like this on facebook? Ugh. The person who posted it the last time was a pregnant girl. She has exactly what i want, with her boyfriend, on accident! I always refrain from commenting on those things, but the comments are just running through my head.

"easy for you to say"
"sometimes you can be thankful for what you have while still focusing on what you don't have!"
 "must be nice to have everything you want and be able to post things like this!"
"maybe i would feel that way if i was in your shoes." 

Enough venting. As you can see, i am a mess! I do know that. Please pray for me.

Will we ever go back to treatment? If i am not pregnant this year, then i am sure we will. We haven't picked a month that i will go back, we haven't talked about it. This is because we are both hoping for the bedroom kind of miracle. But if that doesn't happen this year, in 2014 (or maybe before that), i am sure we will do another few IUI's. IVF right now is out of the question for us. We just do not have that kind of money, and insurance covers nothing. They believe having children is a "life choice", right up there with liposuction!! They cover NOTHING! This doesn't make me angry or anything.

Thank you for letting me spill, and i hope i haven't offended you. I know there are a couple of newly pregnant blog readers of mine, and i love you, and i'm sorry. I do not want to steal your joy. I am happy for you. I just unfortunately am still stuck here.

And so you know, i am doing well, too. We are buying a house which is EXCITING & FUN & a good distraction, if i'm being honest! Haha. Cannot wait. :) More on that later.