Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lessons for my Kids

I recently wrote a blog titled "Just Ask" where i told you to Ask Me Anything.

Amanda asked,
"In previous blogs you've talked about wanting children. My question is, what lessons in life have you learned that you will pass on to your children in hopes they will learn from your experiences?"

Ok. Four things immediately come to mind. I am sure there are MANY more. I've thought of so many things over the years, but now i'm being put on the spot! But here are four...

One thing i want to teach my kids about is how blessed they are & how so many other people are less fortunate. I know this would seem like a given, but i've watched a lot of kids throughout the years, and i've known a lot of kids who shocked me with their smug attitude, an attitude of complete selfishness that says "you owe me". Kids these days EXPECT to be given EVERYTHING, and I refuse to have children who have that kind of mentality. Telling them "you know, kids in Africa are starving" when they don't want to eat their vegetables is NOT enough. Sometimes the best way to learn is by SEEING it. I believe in taking kids on missions trips. Not necessarily to another country, but definitely to a nearby soup kitchen or orphanage.

Oh, yes. I will be one of those moms that restricts her kids to a certain amount of time in front of the TV & a certain amount of time in front of any video game devices they may have! I certainly will. Because i remember the days of being in elementary school & playing outside. Playing in the woods. Pretending i was a mom or a teacher or a singer. Pretending i was a vetinarian. Standing in front of the mirror making up choreography, pretending i was a choreographer. Those days were such fun & i'm a big believer in using the imagination. Not sitting in front of a TV for umpteen mindless hours. I mean, of course, they can watch a little TV. I'm not going to be all crazy about it! But i do want my kids to enjoy using their imagination. And to have a lifetime of memories because of it!

Ok. So. I'm overweight. I recently began working hard to change this, and so far have lost 7.5 pounds. Not a lot, but a start. (You can read more about my weight loss journey in my other blog). Now, rest assured... this won't be something i shove down their throat. I will not be psycho & end up with kids with horrible self images & eating disorders. I just mean that I will be their example. You may laugh now, but i am working on this. I have not had a coke since 2008 & i have not had fast food in over a month. I am eating more veggies, more fruits, more grilled meats, less carbs, less sugar, less JUNK. By the time i have children i expect to be fit & i expect to have developed some good habits. MOST of this will be leading by example. Even though i am making positive changes, i know that i have missed out on some things because of my weight. There have been a lot tears & frustration & anger over my weight. And even though i have a handle on it now, it will be a year or two before i reach my goal weight! I do not want my children to have to go through life like this! It's much better to go through it fit & healthy, living life as God intended. Another part of this is how you talk to your kids. Telling a tween that she needs to lose her baby fat, or that she is chubby, or that she is big-boned, or that she will never meet a guy if she doesn't get skinny --> these things do NOTHING to make a girl want to lose weight. Ok, I'm wrong. They do make her WANT to lose weight. But instead of motivating her to do something about it, these comments will plunge her into the depths of self-hate & self-destruction & she will turn to food. i know from experience. My kids will hear nothing negative about the way they look. I want them to have positive self-images. So much is lost when you hate yourself. And that makes life extra hard for a teenager (being a teen is already hard enough!).

I love God. I want my kids to have a relationship with God. However, i do NOT want my children to adopt certain attitudes from people in the church. I have to be careful here, because i do not want to get into a discussion of my beliefs. That's just not the point of this blog. But i DO think that there is a LOT of judgement in churches today. Even in those churches that people would call LOVING or FREE. I believe there is a little of this in EVERY church, at least to some degree. And i do not want my child to adopt this kind of attitude. Part of this means that i want my child to accept EVERYONE. This does not mean that they agree with them. This does not mean that we tell them that they are right in how they live. It just means that we treat them with kindness, respect & love. NO MATTER WHAT. No matter how they look or how they behave. The person in question may be into all kinds of sinful behavior. I do not care. I do not believe that ridiculing or shunning people is helpful. Assumptions is another type of judgement that is often found in the church that i do not like. This is hard to explain, but have you ever missed church a few times & people assumed that meant you weren't right with God? That you were somehow backsliding? Or have you ever been sick & people thought maybe there was sin in your life? Or have you been down on your luck financially & people assumed it was because you weren't tithing?! These kinds of thoughts are ridiculous & have nothing to do with Jesus & the way He treated people. And as much as i love people in the church...I want my kids to be a little less like that in this regard!

That's all i've got for now! Thanks, Amanda! Everyone else... please go here to Ask Me Anything!


  1. You are going to be a GREAT mommy!!

    The Babywise book will help you out with numbers one and two. :)

  2. I KNEW you would do great with that question. Mel you are a wonderful person and I'm so glad we "met." I love the person you are, and I'm sure you are going to be a great mom!

    Keep on Blogging. LOVE reading your stuff!

  3. Thanks, y'all! You're both so sweet! :)


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