Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Bad Mood. -ish.

I am at work & have plenty to do, but i just do not feel like working!!

I'm tired. I stayed up WAYYYY too late last night. It was such a good day, though, i didn't want it to end!

I cannot stop thinking of Kelsey & family & friends. Mainly her family, of course. But also her friends. Those precious teenagers who were close to her, who knew her, all the students at CHS are on my heart SO heavily today. Yesterday was the funeral. They say the church was PACKED (& it's a huge church). They say she looked beautiful. I am hearing reports of the GOOD things God is doing - changing people's lives because of Kelsey's love for Him. Even so, I pray for a tremendous amount of strength & comfort for Kelsey's parents, sisters, friends, classmates & teachers. God, help them.

"Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matt 5:4

This was going to be a random post just about how tired I am & whining & blah blah, but what is really on my heart seems to be coming out. There is just tragedy everywhere. Kelsey. & others. Not people i know personally. But lots of people - i keep hearing of their deaths or illnesses. It makes my heart hurt.

And Chile. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around it.

And Haiti. The devastation is not over there.

Hawaii? What happened with the tsunami? I don't even know.

I kinda want to close my office door & get on my face & PRAY.

My great Uncle James died yesterday. He lived a full life. He was 93, I believe. I love the verse my sister posted on facebook about him, though. "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." 2 Cor 5:8 Now, THAT brought encouragement. =)

Also, Granny. Actually, Brad's Granny. But she is very dear to me as well. We found out recently that she has lung cancer. Then i found out today that it is also in her breast. They are running tests now to find out the best way to take care of these. Probably surgery for the breast. Not sure about the lung. They say the doctor's seem hopeful & very positive about  being able to kick it. But cancer. Man. Such a terrible word. Such a terrible thing. Why do so many get struck with it? I want to cry. Please pray for Brad's Granny, Doris. She is such a sweet, wonderful lady & we would appreciate your prayers.

I hate death. It is awful. I have lost both my grandpa's. Other acquaintances have also gone on & those affected me. The biggest one to affect me personally was when my neighbor died. This was back in 2001. She was 10, almost 11. She had a heart problem no one new about & was in a coma for a week & then died. It was awful. I have never had grief touch me SO STRONGLY, before or since. Mainly because she was so young. I could not wrap my brain around it. The funeral was heartbreaking, her young classmates crying. Do they even understand? I don't. She was the middle child, had an older & younger brother. I remember that grieving process (they were neighbors & i had babysat her several times) & i remember thinking then that Grief is the WORST THING EVER to have to go through. And how much worse for your own parent, your own sister, your spouse, your best friend. It's like this heaviness that won't go away. i hate it. It is nothing you can describe or understand unless you've been there. That is why now, anytime i hear of someone's passing, i didn't have to know them. I have just a taste of what that family feels & my heart BREAKS for the family. Even if i am not personally grieving.

"Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matt 5:4
This verse plays in my head, over & over. God, please bring your COMFORT.

And your healing to Granny.



  1. I'm praying for you.

    With a post like this I fear nothing I say could help.

    Revelation 21:4 (HCSB)
    "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will exist no longer;grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away."

    I love you girl!

  2. Girl, I totally understand what you mean. My heart has been hurting for Kelsey's family since this happened. I never met any of them, but I cannot stop thinking about them. I lost my best friend since we were in first grade when we were 18. It was awful I remember crying so much that I thought I would never be able to function again. It has been 12 years, and I finally can talk about her without falling apart. I can smile when I think about all of the fun times we had together.
    I prayed that I would never feel that kind of pain again, but of course I felt it even greater when Amber died. It just seems so unfair. I love that scripture your sister posted as well. That is the one that replays in my mind so often.
    I can't stop thinking about Haiti and Chile either. (BTW, there ended up being no tsunami in hawaii...thank you Lord!). There is so much tragedy all around us every day. We are so blessed, but at the same time I can't help but feel nervous and even scared. It does alwasy seem like someone is dying, or finding out they are terminally ill, or something unfair like that.
    I will be praying for Brad's granny. I am VERY close to my granny and I know it must be hard for him ( and you) to hear this news.
    I hope your day gets better :)
    Love ya!

  3. Aww. Yeah. It's tough when you feel so much of other people's pain. :( I will pray for you and these situations in your life.

  4. Just remember, God has a plan and it is good! Death is apart of Life but I know how you feel though! I'll pray for Brad's granny and hope that everything goes better for you today! I love that verse your sister posted..it is perfect!

  5. Praying for you. This has been a difficult week and I know how you feel. Love you tons!


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