Wednesday, October 6, 2010

another tearfest

Alright, friends. I am having another really tough week. Stress + Grief is not good. It is only Wednesday & i have had two tearful evenings. And when i say tearful, i mean Sobbing. Non-stop. Bad headache, need some wine to get to sleep kind of crying. Yeah. It's bad.

The good news? Tomorrow is Thursday. Almost Friday. I can do this. :)

Work was really stressful today, which is strange. Usually, Monday is the most stressful & it gets better as the week goes on. This week, Monday & Tuesday weren't too bad! But today was bad. :( It just gets really overwhelming where i can not keep up. I am trying to fix one problem when another call is coming in. I stop what i'm doing to fix that problem & another call comes in while i'm fixing the first problem. Got all that? Plus our database has major issues. Glitches all over the place that make you think you are losing your mind, but really you're not. Anyway, i try to take each call as it comes because i like just taking care of it immediately. However. That is not always the best idea. Sometimes when it gets really overwhelming i need to send all calls to voicemail. Take care of the issues at hand. And then call people back. I will do that tomorrow.

After work today, Brad & I met at the lakes - third day in a row - Go, us! :) I am so glad we are doing this. I felt a little better after our walk, just like yesterday. But i got online to start finding a replacement cell phone (i washed mine in the washing machine) & it got me so mad. I do not want to spend 150 bucks on a new cell phone, but that is all my "upgrade" will get me. Give me a break! I mean, i got my first phone FREE & that was a $300 phone! Now, the best deal they can offer me is $150 phone? Come on! I don't wanna spend the money on that! {Whine!} I had looked on Walmart & found the same phone i wanted for 30 bucks. Well, i ordered it thru wal-mart but it has to go through AT&T to make sure you qualify. Well, i didn't. So back to square one. I told brad i would just cancel the freaking contract & use a GO phone (i don't even care - i don't even use my phone that much anymore anyway - i haven't missed it that much) - but you have to pay $175 to break your contract! I mean, gosh, AT&T, can you be any more greedy?!? So yeah... i started SOBBING. Sobbing! Over a phone? Over $150? Really? I mean, you would think someone's husband was leaving them...

Oh, that's right... Someone's husband IS leaving them.

And there we have the heart of the matter. Grief. I mentioned recently that i had just found out yet another couple i know is getting divorced. They made the third couple-friends of ours splitting up in just a few months! What is UP!? That does not count the two others who might have gotten divorced, but who decided to work it out (trust me - not an easy thing - major MAJOR heart-hurting issues going on!). Well, this week i found out about another couple. I do not want to go into any specifics because hopefully all hope is not lost & restoration will take place, but seriously - this one shocked me more than all the others. Broke my heart in two. My heart is broken because my friends are devasted. I have not hurt so much for a friend like i am hurting for them now. What blows my mind is that ALL of these couples have been married AT LEAST 10 years! And these were not mutual decisions (of the ones i know the specifics on) - it is the husband deciding to leave his wife. I just want to grab them by the neck & scream, "How can you do this to her!??" And yes. These people have young children. 

Before you get all whatever & say "well, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors!", please for just one minute think of your dearest friend & her husband - the pair that you see as such a great match - the couple that you know for SURE would never EVER get divorced...yes, take THAT friend & imagine her telling you that he is leaving her. Do you want to throw up? Do you feel like you were just punched? That is how i feel. Totally & completely in shock. Flabbergasted. Icannotbelieveit.

I know that marriage is sacred. I know that it is a beautiful thing. And trust me, i do not like divorce. But sometimes, i get it. I know God hates it & i do too. But i get it when there was an alcoholic or drug-abusing or abusive or unfaithful partner. It's like, you hate it, but you can see how your friends is better off. You are thankful they are not in that kind of situation anymore.

But these situations are not like that! (The ones i know the specifics on.) These are situations of loving wonderful marriages where they make a great team & you admire their relationship & then BAM!

I am surprised these situations have affected me so strongly, but they have. I have just been torn apart for these dear friends of mine - friends who love the Lord & who believe marriage is for life. I told Brad that i don't know if it is because i am married now that i am taking these so hard...or just because these are so unexpected... because pre-marriage i do not remember being THIS heartbroken when i heard of friends separating. I don't know if that was because i was not married yet & didn't understand (though i was sad for them, i didn't GRIEVE over it); or if it was just that the divorces i saw happen before i got married were ones i mentioned above - where i was relieved the person was escaping a terribly horrible situation.

But i do know this: I cannot imagine anything worse happening to me. I love my husband so much that i think i would just shrivel up & die without him! I mean, i cannot imagine something hurting so much as if he left me! And seriously - marriage has been nothing but JOY! Yes, we have had our disagreements & rather-this & rather-that, but seriously... all of that is worth it. My life is FULL & HAPPY with Brad in it. And to see my friends losing that person they love - even if that person has become a monster (not that they have, but i'm just saying).. i know that they loved them & i know that their heart has got to be ripping apart.

Anyway. Enough. I am sorry to have to post something like this, but i gotta be real & i gotta get my thoughts out & this is where i am right now.

Please please do me a favor & pray for these friends of mine! God knows who they are. :)

Hugs.

P.S. Do not forget to enter my giveaway!! You only need to leave a comment on this post. I will pick a winner Saturday evening. :)

5 comments:

  1. You can make it two more days!!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friends. While I don't have friends that have been through a divorce, my parents just went through an awful one. It was very unexpected and I spent the first 3 months of our marriage in hysterics. Not ideal as a newlywed. I'll be praying!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't apologize for sharing things like this! That is the reason that we get shocked about marriages in crisis... because people wouldn't share things like this because they didn't want to "burden" others. The secrets are kept and then when it all comes out it's often too late. So share... share life. Share it honestly. And don't apologize for doing so!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry about your week :( I hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead of you. I will be praying for your dear friends. That is awful and I totally understand your being so upset. You're a great friend, and that's great friends hurt when you hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have friends going through the same issue. It's heartbreaking but they are all in my prayers. But don't apologize for posting things like these. That's why were here is for support through good and bad times.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Mel,

    I'm right there with you on this, and I do think that it "hits" harder b/c you are married. Since you are married, you are fully aware of what a treasure Brad is as a husband/companion/confidant/etc. so you know what she's losing, what's walking away from her, rejecting her. Ugh. I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like for Jordan to say, "I don't want to be married to you anymore". Shrivel up & die is exactly what I would feel like. We've been through really hard times, things that break up marriages, but praise God we have worked through and have come out 100 times better - so why couldn't that happen for these people? I'll pray for your friends right along with those of mine who are going through divorce as well. And don't apologize for the post - it's you and where you are. It's the truth, and the truth is liberating even when it's the ugly truth. HUGS!

    ReplyDelete

Comments are my favorite.