The only thing that gets me, and i do mean the only thing, is that several people were called back who i personally do not think were right for any of the roles. At all. But i am not the director. So i cannot make that choice.
Other than that, i am perfectly fine. I always remind myself that "if it's meant to be, it will be". I know that there is a master plan for my life & if i don't get cast in a show, then it just wasn't God's will for me to be in it. For some reason. I don't know what it is yet, but i probably will see it later on. After realizing i wasn't getting called back, i was not at all upset. I thought i would be VERY UPSET. But after that initial heart-sink, i felt confident that it just wasn't meant to be. And that there is something else in store for me! :)
In the past, i would have been devastated. Now, i've worked enough shows to know that it isn't anything personal. And it doesn't mean you suck.
The problem is this. I don't know what to do now. I have been on a break from theatre since June. 5 months of no theatre? That's quite a break for me! I'm now really missing it. I want to act. I want to perform. But i also miss stage managing. Plus, this baby fever? Well, i need a distraction for the time being. Get my mind on something else for awhile. Besides, when babies come, i will not be able to do theatre for a couple years, at least. So i kinda want to do some now. Here are my options:
1.) Volunteer to Stage Manage Crimes of the Heart.
- I could still be involved with this show - which has a story i love & characters i love (& more than likely actors that i love, too...though i won't know the cast until probably Thursday or Friday).
- I miss stage managing.
- I would probably learn a lot from this director.
- I already have December evenings free for rehearsals... i didn't schedule myself at the Manship just in case i made it.
- I'm afraid i will regret not doing it, if i don't.
- There would be times where I'd probably wish i was IN it & not just SMing it. Especially if he casts people who i think are not right for it.
- Well, there are things an SM is used to...ways things should work... and i have heard this particular director doesn't do things that way...which would annoy me, i'm sure.
- Not sure if i want to busy up my schedule like that right now...
- I LOVE Guys & Dolls. LOVE IT.
- I know the director, music director, & stage manager, and i LOVE them all.
- Adelaide is my dream role.
- It would be FUN! So much fun! Even if i didn't get Adelaide.
- I'm afraid i'll regret not doing it if i don't. (Is that a pro?)
- I'd have to find & prepare a song by Monday.
- I'd have to nail that song with an accompaniest i've never sang with before in front of 2 or 3 people...ACK!
- Vocal auditions TERRIFY me. I'd rather just not bother.
- I have a very slim chance of actually getting cast as Adelaide. I'm just being realistic here.
- If i don't get Adelaide, i'd have to consider if i'd be okay with chorus. I normally would love it, but i'm not sure i like "chorus" for Guys & Dolls. Plus, i did it in high school.
- If i made it, i wouldn't know exactly which days i could work at the Manship, if any, during all of January & February. I'm kinda trying to make money & save it! Manship pays, BRLT doesn't.
- Do i want to repeat this week's stress next week? Nope.
- I will take an acting class with Jack Lampert! I love Jack Lampert!
- My friends Ronald & Blanche might take it, too. It would be fun!!
- It's only one night a week for 6 weeks.
- I'd get to act. Maybe not in a "real" play, but still. :)
- I could do it WITH either choice 1 or 2. (But not both.)
- It costs $99 (if i sign up by January 19th). That's not that bad, really.
- Um...no other cons, really!
SO yeah. No clue what to do. Kinda need something that feels like "purpose" in my life right now. Got some thinking to do! Blerg!
Thanks to all of you who prayed for me this week & who sent me well-wishes & encouragement! I really appreciate it. :)