So. It's kind of been a rough week. About mid-week, I was pretty discouraged, worried & frustrated about some things in my life. I don't want to get into specifics, but let me just say... I was allowing fear to rule in my heart. There are things I want to happen & I have no idea if they will work out like I want them to or if they will work out at all & it's not minor things... it's important things. At some point, I got all into my worry & doubt & it got me really down.
On Wednesday, I read my Bible & wrote in my prayer journal on my lunch break & afterwards, I felt like a weight had been lifted. God is good. Why don't I always bring my burdens to Him?
"Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy & my burden is light." -Matt 11:29-30
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
I also had this song in the background. I love it. I'm kind of really into Laura Story lately. This is an amazing song & the words are so true!
My favorite part is that chorus - "Faithful God. Every promise kept. Every need You've met. Faithful God." So true! He is good to us. Somehow I ended up remembering this verse too:
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -Matt 7:11
So encouraging! Our God is a good God & He loves us!
But I want to be real with ya'll. I'd be lying to everyone if i ended the post here & didn't tell you about the struggle I'm having right now. The worry, the fear... the what-if's. I'm having much better days than i was Tuesday & Wednesday, but still... I know that there are no guarantees in life. And i just keep thinking... i do not deserve any better or worse than so-and-so. God can do what He wants. And in His great power & wisdom, He will & it will be the best thing.
Linds recently posted this song at Girl Talk but i have to post it here as well. It's just that good. If you haven't heard it yet, you must!!! It's just...PROFOUND. The lyrics. Very true & very good. I love it.
I love it, but - (did you sense a 'but' coming?)...
Even though i KNOW God is good & that He loves me & has a great plan for my life... I also know that He loves my friends who had stillborn babies. He loves my friends who have had their husbands leave them. He loves my friends who lost their husbands or their daughters or their mothers. He allowed these things to happen. He didn't make them happen, but He allowed them. (I am not worried about some of these things...they're examples!)
Don't get me wrong... I understand the message of this song, and yes i truly believe in the truth of it. It's some powerful lyrics. Laura wrote that when her husband was battling a brain tumor... how brave of her. Maybe she wasn't feeling brave, but she was! Or maybe it was God's grace that helped her. And think... if not for that, we wouldn't have this beautiful amazing song that I know is an encouragement to others. It's a testament to me.
I love that the bad things that happened in my life turned out for good - for His glory & greater purpose. Those things were worth going through because of what God did with it...how he turned them around for good. "You have turned my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy!" - that is my testimony verse. I know what it is to be hurting & in despair & for God to rescue you. I know what it is for your sorrows to be turned into total joy! I know what restoration is...in a family that looked to be beyond repair. I guess what I'm saying is that even if He doesn't answer my prayers the way I want him to... He will still be the one glorified in however these situations play out. He will still be the One worthy of all my praise! He will turn everything around for good!
I know I'm rambling. I guess I am saying that... He CAN answer my prayers... and maybe He will. But He doesn't have to. He might have a better plan. But right now? Being real with you? A "better plan" doesn't sound better. It sounds worse. It sounds scary. I just want Him to answer my prayers the way I want Him to. Yesterday! How demanding is that?!
I know I'm being too vague with the actual needs and I'm sorry. But you understand, right? Have you been there? Have you been afraid of God's answer? I know that some of these desires will come true (whether in my timing or not!). But some of the others? No idea what will happen.
I felt so much better after reading some Psalms on Wednesday & writing out my concerns to God. I know he understands where I am & he probably has the answer around the corner! I hope He does.
This is my favorite verse... "This is the confidence we have in approaching God. That if we ask Him anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him." -1 John 5:14-15
I guess I could be all spiritual & say I believe that. The truth of the matter is that there is one little phrase in that verse that bugs me. You know the one: "according to His will". This is a great verse when you KNOW what you are asking is according to His will! But sometimes it's a scary verse. You kinda want to ignore that one little clause.
Advice is welcome. But I really just want to know that somebody's been there!
Sometimes I feel like this guy:
And the boy's father said to Jesus, "I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!" -Mark 9:24