random things & how i'm feeling

This past weekend consisted of LAZY. And i am okay with that. I fully believe in embracing lazy weekends, since so many other weekends are full of activity! Might as well grab it when you can, right? RIGHT! So... my weekend consisted of four non-lazy things (grocery shopping, kitchen cleaning, laundry, church), and LOTS of lazy things (catching up on my shows, reading, social networking). I did some meal planning, too, though. Um, i think that's about it.... YEP. :)

On Sunday night, my dad called me and said that my friend Ashlee (whose parents live in my parent's neighborhood) dropped off a gift for me. He said he was bored & would bring it out to me. Mom came, too. It was nice having a quick little visit from my parents! The gift was this... and this picture really doesn't do it justice.

Words cannot express how i felt when i saw this for the first time. How thoughtful. How beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Ashlee.

Awesome things happened last week, too, which I apparently forgot to blog about!

For example, on Wednesday, after my doctor's appointment (bloodwork never ends after a miscarriage, it seems), I decided to stop at Starbucks & use a gift card given to me for my birthday. Well, my friend Zac works there & before i knew what was happening, my drink was ready - on the house! :) Love him.
 

Thursday night, me & my hubby had a quick dinner at Five Guys. OMG. Love that place. (Remember, i started back paleo THIS week - not last week!) After that, we went to see Young Frankenstein at Theatre Baton Rouge. It was SO SO SO GOOD! We cracked up laughing the entire time. (Zac, the guy who gave me free iced white chocolate mocha, plays the lead. He did great!)

Anyway... back to this week! I mentioned getting shellac on my very short nails weekend before last? Well, as of about a half hour ago, i have peeled every bit of it off. It's not my fault... it was coming up at the edges on several fingers, and my type of OCD must have it perfect or not at all! It's like a piece of wallpaper is coming up & you just want to rip it off!! Which would be much worse to do to a whole wall - unless that is the goal. ANYWAY. Now i am scared i'm going to start biting again because they aren't covered with beautiful polish. (No... i don't paint my own nails. It's not a good idea. It gets EVERYWHERE but the actual NAIL!) I am going to have to go back at some point for a do-over. BUT my nails have grown! And i can't stop looking at them. :)

I haven't done photography in FOREVER. This is sad. I enjoyed the little break after the crazy busy season that was October-December, but um... I've only done 2 sessions in 2014, and both were in January! I am ready to take some pictures! i also am really wanting to get a website & a logo & figure out contracts and pricing and all that (not)fun stuff. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

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I feel like I should have a million other things to say, but i don't. Some have asked how i am doing. Honestly, I am doing okay. Better than okay. I am doing a lot better than i expected. I don't cry over my miscarriage very often, and it's not because I'm in denial or i refuse to allow myself to grieve. It's just that i really & truly USUALLY feel fine. I often feel at peace & loved & supported. Most of the time.

But there are moments, daily moments, that are really hard. Something will happen to remind me that i WAS pregnant, and now I'm not. And it sucks. It hurts. To realize that I'm not having a baby in October after all. To realize that last Christmas was (probably) not my last Christmas without kids after all. To understand that there will only be 2 people in yet another Christmas Card (maybe). One really hard thing for me is realizing i'm actually NOT pregnant at the same time as or having babies the same year as certain friends. That really bothers me. That was part of this huge answer to prayer, and now it's gone. It sucks. My heart hurts.

However, I am still incredibly thankful for all God is doing through this. He is doing a great work... in my heart and in other people. He is really turning this situation for good & for His glory & i know that is what matters most. But i do want children. And there is a lot of fear taking place. Fear that i will miscarry again, yes. But also fear that it will take forever to get me pregnant again. And fear that we won't do the right thing. I don't know what our next step is. There are finances to look at. Conversations to have (with each other, with my doctor). There are a couple of things we are considering, and I need wisdom. We need wisdom. And whichever way we go, I need a PEACE covering us, so i am certain we have made the right decisions. All of that said, please please pray for us if/when we cross your mind!

Thanks, y'all.

XOXO