Sunday, July 27, 2014

New House, coming right up!

Many of you know, we live in a trailer. Er, mobile home. It hasn't been my favorite thing. Honestly, the trailer itself isn't that bad. But the trailer park we are in has gone downhill over the last few years (used to be nice, believe it or not) & the area of town we are in is just awful. Brad owned this place when we married, so naturally this would be where we would live. (I was living in a condo that my roomie owned - i just paid her rent & my share of utilities.) You cannot beat the monthly note in a trailer, way less than a house note and wayyyy less than an apartment's rent. It was the best place for us, financially speaking. We figured we would be here for 2-3 years, or maybe i just told myself that so i wouldn't freak out. Haha! But here we are at 6 years and we are finally about to get out of here!!! :)

 (Our trailer...from maybe the 4th time in my life that it snowed. Haha.)

And i get it - there are worse things. We could be homeless or living in one of those OLD trailers or a shack. I am not saying this has been a HORRIBLE arrangement. But you know. I wanted a cute house like all of my friends. And in another area of town. That's all. IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!

Awhile back, Brad decided we should start maybe looking at land to move our trailer on. Then, in some years, we could build. I was totally fine with this, since it's really the area i hate more than the trailer itself. But after looking at land for several days, we realized it would be better (simpler and even cheaper) to just find a house. For one thing, the land that we could afford needed to be cleared & needed to have sewage/water/electricity, so once we did all that it would be a lot more expensive. The land that was already cleared with everything there was nearly the price of a home! It just didn't make sense. So we decided to look at houses instead.

 At the bank, getting pre-approved. Just a little excited. Haha!

I contacted my realtor and told her we were ready to start looking. I had been looking CONSTANTLY on a realty app and had several i wanted to go see. We told her that we could not buy a house until we sold our trailer, because even though it is paid for (we paid it off a few months ago), we still have to pay lot rent & didn't want to get stuck paying that after we moved (on top of a new house note).

Well, she advised we go ahead & put our trailer up for sale because trailers take awhile to sell. So i took some pictures and posted it on Facebook - on my page and on a few local resale pages. I also put it on Craigslist. And i think one other site for mobile homes. We got a few calls from people asking about it & wanting to come see it. A lady on FB messaged me on Sunday asking if they could come see. She and her husband came that afternoon - AND BOUGHT IT! The first people to even look at it!

It was so funny because on our way home after church, Brad's like like, "Wait. What if someone comes to see it and wants to get it?! Like what if they make an offer right away? What do we do then?!" Clearly neither of us have sold a home before. We realized we needed a purchase agreement but thought it was okay if we didn't have one yet. I said, "Babe, nobody is going to buy it right away. Even if they like it, they're gonna go talk about it first & then call us and make an offer." JUST IN CASE, brad's mom brought over a purchase agreement for us (since we don't have a printer). I'm so glad she did because that couple came AND MADE AN OFFER!!!! Like, right away!!! So basically we sold our trailer in just a little over 24 hours. How crazy is that!?!?! HAHAHA!

After they left, we were like, "what just happened?!?!" There was nothing to do but go to D'Angelos to celebrate.

Just a little excited again! Celebrating the quick sale of our trailer.

The AMAZING & God-thing about it, besides that it sold in one day, is that we were worried about someone buying it and needing to move in RIGHT AWAY, since we didn't have a house yet. But these people are not at all concerned about that! They are just buying it to put on their land for their daughter. She lives with them now. So it's not like somebody's gonna be homeless. They are being very patient with us & we are so thankful that God brought us just the right buyers at just the right time! They were so nice and just really good people. 

And then we looked at a few houses, found the right one for us & are going through all the necessary paperwork and inspections and all of that fun stuff. Another wonderful thing is our house note will be only a tiny bit more than what we have been paying on our trailer (before paying it off). That is a miracle!! And unheard of! I am praising God because He is good & He knows exactly what we need when we need it! :) 

The house we are getting is small, but that is okay. It isn't our forever home and that is okay, too. It's just a little starter home. But it is in a much better area, in a much better neighborhood, and it is super cute. Haha. We love it & are thrilled.

So for those who have asked, we are still in our trailer & will be until we close on the house, which won't be until early September. Late August if we're lucky. We still have a house inspection on Tuesday, but it is a newer house, so everything should be okay.

And so we are super excited! 

So that is the fun part of life I have been talking about lately! Fun because of Pinterest, honestly. I've been planning decor like crazy. Cannot WAIT until moving day! 

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Catching up...

Thanks so much to those of you who already read and commented on my last post. Such sweet people in my life, I tell ya! I didn't know if any of that made sense but I'm relieved to know it kinda sorta did! I'm having a good day today. You just never know! But today is good. Could have something to do with the fact that it's the weekend. Yay!

I feel like I should catch you up on things that have happened lately. And by that I mean, I'll show you the most recent pics in my phone and tell you about them! I know.... I might be the laziest blogger ever. I'm okay with that! 

Had lunch with my good friend Ashley last week-ish. I love this girl. I was in musical theatre class with her and her husband in high school (before they were together), lost touch with them for years, but reconnected on Facebook a few years ago. And we have become good friends again in person, so she's more than JUST a FB friend now! Love her soooo much and so glad she is in my life. Good catching up with her!

Got together with my friend Brittany K, who is designing my photography website! Love this chic!

Had dinner with these two ladies. I know them from my infertility support group! So glad i have them in my life! Much needed girl time. 

Got a flat tire on my way home from work! Argh!!! BUT! This situation could have been so much worse! For one thing, i was on the interstate but i was so close to my exit! For another thing, at the exact same time my husband arrived to help, a stranger also arrived, and they worked together as a team. And man! I have never seen a tire changed so quickly. (Yes, i am a poor soul who hasn't changed a tire since she was taught how to change one, which was probably over a decade ago, so i will just call my husband instead. That's what they are good for! Haha. Just kidding. Kind of.) Anyway, those two worked very quickly because the sky was BLACK & there was lightening behind us...we all knew that in just a minute it would be pouring! And as soon as we all got in our cars to leave, it started raining HARD! The kind where you windshield wipers and umbrellas aren't much help. So yeah. That situation could have been way worse! Oh yeah, and, we thought I'd need a new tire, but it was able to be repaired for twenty-five bucks. Yay! 

Last Sunday, our youth director, Andy, was ordained in our morning service. I brought my camera to get some quick pics! Shoulda used flash, the lighting just wasn't working for me. This was the best I could do! (So, i guess this post isn't ONLY iPhone photos. Ha!) Anyway, we love these two & are thrilled for them. He's been our youth director for a couple years now, but now he is an official minister... like, he can do weddings! We love Andy... love hearing him preach & he is hilarious.

His wife, Ashley, is one of my dearest friends. She is always SO full of joy & she spreads joy around just by being there. No kidding. All of you would love her!


Went to visit my good friends for a bit! Love love love this sweet family! And their daughter just kept kissing me!!! Isn't that the sweetest?!

 This past weekend, me and my mom and sister went to the beach! Second year in a row, and we are thinking it will be an annual occurrence. I'm good with that! Anyway, we didn't actually make it TO the beach. Just the balcony. I know. Sad. Mom has kidney stones and I wasn't feeling well on the one day we were planning to go to the beach! Argh! Yes I know we are crazy. For the record... I really regret it! Shoulda sucked it up and gone down there anyway! 

But we still had a great time together!

And we ate at Lambert's. If you haven't eaten here... my condolences. Oh my word. I love it. There are no words. Except, thank you. Thank you, Mr & Mrs Lambert.

So that's what's been happening lately! Will tell you about the house hunt next! 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

What i'm really thinking...

There are so many things going on in my  heart and my life. Good & bad things. Heartbreaking things. I don't even know where to begin. Nothing crazy has happened or anything. I just feel like i am now starting to deal with my miscarriage in March. This is difficult, because I feel like most people have either forgotten about it, or assume I am over it now & doing well. I am sorry to tell you, but that is not the case.

Side note: by "deal with it", i just mean... i am starting to FEEL it. I don't know that i am actually dealing with anything. I know that i am hurting. I know that i am broken. I know that i wonder if i will ever get through this. This feels over-dramatic but it's true.  And yet there are really good things happening, too, and i am thankful for that. More on the good things later. Tonight i feel like just pouring words on this screen and hoping it all makes a little sense when i am finished.

When it first happened, i grieved, and i grieved hard. But i grieved for all of one day & then i felt an incredible amount of peace. And it stuck with me, for awhile. And after that i think i may have just maybe acted like it didn't happen? Or something. I don't know. But i stopped really thinking about it. I kept thinking about and hating and dealing with infertility. But the miscarriage? I couldn't allow myself to really think about it too much. That is not to say that infertility is easier to deal with than a miscarriage. I don't believe that. Miscarrying is one of the most painful experiences of my life (physically & emotionally), but infertility is right up there with it, and the thing is it just keeps on going. It never stops. We just made our 3 year anniversary of trying to conceive. The part about the miscarriage that upsets me the most is that it came with a pregnancy that happened after almost 3 years of trying to conceive. It was a miracle, an answer to prayer, only to be taken away. It felt like a joke. An incredibly cruel one. It still feels like a joke.

I find myself now in a really hard place. I cannot follow certain people on facebook, because they are due when i was due. So they are experiencing all of their little pregnancy milestones when i should be experiencing them too. Not their fault, at ALL, but of course when i see it on facebook it is a reminder of what i should also be experiencing. It is NOT FAIR. It is even harder when the person didn't even want a kid or didn't want another kid or got pregnant on accident or does nothing but complain about their pregnancy or their kid. These things are unbearable for someone like me. Again, it's not their fault, they are just expressing their thoughts & feelings on facebook like anyone else. But it still hurts. It still feels like i have been punched in the stomach. It still makes my heart ache at the most unexpected times.

I don't want you to think that if you are pregnant or have babies or children that your posts bother me. This isn't necessarily about YOUR posts. I am speaking in general at this moment, about no one in particular. Some of your posts don't bother me. I see some of them and think how cute your baby is or what a cute baby belly you have or how cute you are decorating your nursery. But there are others that make me just want to cry. And that's just the way it is right now, and i'm sorry. I wish it wasn't.

We have not gone back to the fertility specialist. I needed a break from it all, physically, but also emotionally, because fertility treatments are no joke. It is a huge amount of stress on your body & on your finances. You are at the doctor's office just about everyday. I needed the break, and Brad wanted us to take a break for financial reasons, too. He wanted to make sure we had paid off the last three IUI's before we did another one.

So we are still on break & I don't know when i will go back. We need wisdom; we need the Lord to guide us. I don't want to go back if it's not going to work anyway, and i don't want to go back if God's going to do a miracle of the old-fashioned kind anyway, but i don't want to NOT go back if the miracle is going to take place at the fertility clinic. And believe me... whether it happens in the bedroom or the doctor's office - it is still a miracle of God.

I want to admit to you (and this is probably just me, and just a result of infertility, so forgive me if you have said something like this) that it really bothers me to see a picture of a baby on facebook & the parents caption it by saying something like "we did good!" or "look what we made!". You are probably wondering how that is something that bothers me, and I understand. It is just one of those things that really means nothing, the person didn't mean to say anything hurtful, they are just trying to say how cute their kid is, and i get that. I do. But it bothers me anyway. Most people that easily get pregnant have no clue ALL OF THE THINGS that must happen at the exact correct time in order for a baby to be conceived! It is TRULY a MIRACLE !! And i know everyone knows it is a miracle, I know everyone exclaims about the miracle of life when a baby is born, but most of them really have no idea of how great this miracle is! It's not only a miracle if you tried for 10 years to get pregnant and finally conceive. It is just as much a miracle when you get pregnant in the first month of trying, because SO MANY THINGS have to happen with timing for you to conceive. It is not as simple as sperm meets egg! If you don't believe me... read a book! Seriously. All you did was have sex, or maybe you are really smart & you knew to time it to when you ovulate! But God is the creator of life. Not you. Pardon my bluntness. I know this is all very blunt. But i am so tired of people taking things like their precious gifts from God for granted, I am so tired of people thinking they made that little baby without any help at all! The truth is, you had only a little to do with that person being created. GOD is the one who deserves the praise & thanks for it! 

Sorry...I feel like that was a WHOLE LOT OF PSYCHO in that last paragraph, but I'm keeping it. It feels good to get that off my chest. And I just feel like people say these things without thinking, without having any idea how it can affect someone. I wish people would think a little bit before they post certain things. Here is another example of something that bothers me in a newsfeed.

Y'all. These kinds of posts BUG ME. Not just from an infertility standpoint. I just think there is a whole lot of lecture & know-it-all in this kind of post. But geez. Things like this are easy to take personally. More than likely, the person who posted this wasn't thinking of ME. They were thinking of some pain in the butt relative who does nothing but complain about stupid things. But when you post things you have to take into account ALL OF THE PEOPLE who will be reading it & what they may or may not be going through. I know i shouldn't take these things personally. I used to take NOTHING personally!! But infertility. It has changed me in a lot of ways. Good and bad.

Truth is, i know i am blessed. SO BLESSED. In many ways. I marvel all the time at how many really GOOD friends i have. I know that is rare. I love my church family, my in-laws, my parents, my sister. I have a great job. I have found so much joy in theatre & photography. My husband is the sweetest & our marriage has been pretty fantastic. I am thankful. But i do think about infertility a lot. I do cry about it. I do talk to God about it a lot, sometimes in tears, sometimes angry. He understands. I am SO THANKFUL that He understands! But things like this on facebook? Ugh. The person who posted it the last time was a pregnant girl. She has exactly what i want, with her boyfriend, on accident! I always refrain from commenting on those things, but the comments are just running through my head.

"easy for you to say"
"sometimes you can be thankful for what you have while still focusing on what you don't have!"
 "must be nice to have everything you want and be able to post things like this!"
"maybe i would feel that way if i was in your shoes." 

Enough venting. As you can see, i am a mess! I do know that. Please pray for me.

Will we ever go back to treatment? If i am not pregnant this year, then i am sure we will. We haven't picked a month that i will go back, we haven't talked about it. This is because we are both hoping for the bedroom kind of miracle. But if that doesn't happen this year, in 2014 (or maybe before that), i am sure we will do another few IUI's. IVF right now is out of the question for us. We just do not have that kind of money, and insurance covers nothing. They believe having children is a "life choice", right up there with liposuction!! They cover NOTHING! This doesn't make me angry or anything.

Thank you for letting me spill, and i hope i haven't offended you. I know there are a couple of newly pregnant blog readers of mine, and i love you, and i'm sorry. I do not want to steal your joy. I am happy for you. I just unfortunately am still stuck here.

And so you know, i am doing well, too. We are buying a house which is EXCITING & FUN & a good distraction, if i'm being honest! Haha. Cannot wait. :) More on that later. 

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Michelle & Brad turn 30-something ;)

SO. Here i am again. With 8 billion things to tell you since i keep going on random blogging breaks. Not on purpose or anything, I just haven't really had a chance to write. Or i have but I've been doing other things. Like watching dumb shows on Netflix. ;)

A few weekends ago, we had our annual shindig at my parent's house. The shindig i speak of is the one where we celebrate Brad's birthday, my sister's birthday & father's day for dad all at once. We did this at the end of June. We had a great time together.

 Brad & Michelle turn 38! No, wait. THIRTY-NINE! Oh my goodness, they are gonna be forty next year! Woah now. (We are getting old.)

And here is their annual silly pic. :)

It was just  my parents, my sister & her hubby, and me & Brad. We basically ate & laughed & talked & ate & half-napped, half-watched a movie. Mainly we enjoyed my parent's new sun room!!! AHHHHH!

This used to be a wall (not french doors) with a window where you could see their back patio. Now it is a SUN ROOM! And i love it!! It's just gorgeous & cozy! Haha! We stayed in there pretty much the whole day. :) Fievel LOVES it. He can't decide if he likes the cold floor or the windows most. ;) 

P.S. They are having a pool installed in a few weeks! Can we say vacation at mom & dad's!? :) 

After awhile we went & watched a movie on their new sectional. The ENTIRE FAMILY (all 6 of us!) plus 3 dogs could comfortably fit in this thing! Haha!

We had a blast. :)

And that evening we all went to Las Palmas for dinner. Yum! :)

Awesome day!!! :)

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Annie & stuff

Y'all. I'm sorry. I don't know why i don't blog anymore!! But if you were wondering, yes. I'm alive. I have still been reading your blogs, but mostly from my phone, so i haven't been able to do a lot of commenting. Please forgive me?

Well, i haven't posted since the end of MAY (ridiculous), so here is what went on in June.

I visited one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Robyn, before her big move to Texas. I used to part-time nanny her boys, and she became a good friend. Two of her three boys are now taller than i am, by the way. Scary. Anyway. LOVE HER.


I did a maternity photo shoot with my friend Jenny. Such a beautiful mama-to-be. She has been through a lot in the infertility world, so i am so thrilled that her dream is finally coming true! She will soon be a mama of twin girls!! 

I met my friend's baby girl, Elliana, who made her debut on June 20th. :)

 I took my friend Brittany's headshots.

(Did you notice i am wearing the same shirt in most of these photos? Yep. I need to go clothes shopping, pronto!) ANYWAY. AND i had dinner with two of my favorite ladies!!! :)

 Those are the few little things i fit in alongside the biggest thing that was ANNIE. I was asked to run sound for the month-long production of Annie at the local theatre.  I ended up splitting the run with a lady named Rhonda. She did about half the shows & i did the other half. Worked out well, and i'm really glad i was a part of it!!

I have run sound before, but never a musical, and never a show with 18 actors on wireless mics! Definitely an experience! A great one. :)

So the rest of these pictures are from my adventure with Annie. I am so glad i got to do this. I thought listening to little kids scream-singing on stage would be torture. I was wrong. The kids did GREAT. The adult actors were perfect in their roles. It was a fantastic production with excellent reviews. I was thoroughly impressed with the girl who played Annie. She was A DOLL, a total professional, a total sweetheart.  Love her & would love to work with her again!

My other favorite in Annie was the dog that played Sandy. I have never seen a dog act on stage for hundreds of people, but y'all. OH MY GOODNESS!!!  I couldn't not believe it! She did everything perfectly! It was so cool. That's all i can say! Her trainer was also in the show, and he and the girl who played Annie would practice with the dog before each show. I was a total sucker for it, which makes sense because i love theatre, i love acting, and i love dogs. (Excuse the yellow eyes, these were all taken with my cell phone & you pretty much have to have a flash backstage at the theatre! It's kinda dark!)

Before each show, i loaded all wireless mics with new batteries, put a mic cover on each one, and handed them to actors. 18 wireless mics for 18 actors. I helped the smallest actors put them on. That was honestly one of my favorite parts each night...putting the mics on the orphans. They were a lot of fun!

 I met lots of new people doing Annie. Such as Jennifer, who played Grace Farrell. She was flawless in that role. Such a sweet person, too!

Two other people I hadn't worked with before are Burt & Drake. Not their real names. Tony & ...Colton? I forgot. Which is sad. But i remember most of them by their character names. Haha. These guys are TEENAGERS!!!!! And i am old enough to be their moms. A young mom, but still. Makes me feel really old! Love these "kids".

I also met Rhonda, the one who ran sound the other nights. We were there together my first 3 nights, when i was there to learn the ropes. She is hilarious & so nice!! I hope we work together for a whole show sometime. 

There were the old theatre friends, too. The ones I've worked with before. People like Zac.  I had a really REALLY bad day one day and then ran into Zac who cheered me up. He didn't do anything in particular, he's just Zac. Kind of wish he was my real little brother, no joke!

Zac again, with Haley & Celeste. Love these people!

And Caty, the stage manager for Annie. She is awesome, it was fun working together again!

I did get to see Keith one last time. I have known Keith since 2006. He was the head director for the theatre and for many shows that i have been in and stage managed. I absolutely love him. He came to opening night of Annie before his big move to Washington state. Gosh, i miss him already!! Took one last pic with him. Hopefully he will come visit again soon! :)

 Another thing you missed was me going irate on an audience member for being on her phone the ENTIRE FIRST HOUR OF THE SHOW! I literally got out of the sound booth to go tell her to turn the thing OFF!!! I was very angry....that side of me doesn't come out too often. Glad i don't have a picture of THAT to share! Ha!

So that's what i have been up to this June. I still want to write about Brad's birthday, my sister's birthday, Keith's farewell party, and a few photo shoots. But those will have to have their own posts. :)