Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Getting Back on Track... & a whole30 dinner party.

I have been meaning to tell you about this really awesome dinner party i went to.... but, first. We have to talk.

So, many of you know that i have done a whole30. Two, actually. And honestly, it turned out to be the best thing for me as far as losing weight. It's nothing weird. Some people have very confused ideas about what whole30 & paleo are. But it's not anything as weird as people make it out to be!  It's eating fruits, veggies, healthy fats, lean meats. It's cutting out sugar, grains, legumes, dairy.

When i first heard about all of this, I did think it was kind of ridiculous for them to cut out legumes & dairy. I mean, those things are good for you, right? But the thing is, they aren't saying you can never have them again. For whole30, it's more about them getting rid of ANYTHING that is known to be an allergen or that is known to give you digestion issues. That way, when your whole30 is over, you can slowly add it back in & see if it was a problem for you. Many many people that don't realize something is a trigger for them, realize it was after doing a whole30 & reintroducing certain foods into their diet.

Unfortunately, after both of my whole30s i went straight back to old ways. I hate telling this part of my story, because people often assume that means the diet wasn't a good program. But that couldn't be further from the truth. First of all, whole30 is not meant to be a diet. It's just a 30day detox - a HEALTHY detox, mind you - and a chance to get all the gross stuff out of your system before you continue it on as a lifestyle. And second of all, it is a GREAT program. It is the perfect program (in my humble opinion!). And most people do continue on with paleo as their lifestyle once they are done with whole30. I've had MORE than a few friends do this. So no...the problem isn't the program. The problem is me.

I don't know why i turned back. I realized i was my highest weight of all time in June of 2009, after my first 6 months of marriage. Since then i have pushed, i have pressed on, i have fallen down & gotten back up so many times, just in an effort to get this weight off & be a healthy person. I have done ideal protein, plexus, weight watchers, strict calorie-counting, the insulin resistance diet, sugar busters, & some of these included exercises like intense bootcamp classes & serious calorie-burning zumba classes. I have tried a LOT of the things. I have lost and gained and lost and gained. I have eaten well, given up, and then gotten back on track. But i am always pretty disappointed in myself, because i fail constantly. I let myself down constantly, I am ruled by food, mostly in the form of cokes and m&m's. And I love the comparison game. You know that game, right? Yeah. I am pretty much a pro at comparing myself. And, it's like, "so-and-so did ideal protein and it changed her life!". Or "so-and-so did a whole30 & she is losing weight like crazy...and she hasn't cheated once! So what is your problem!?"

The thing is, whole30 is right for me. I know this. It has been the best thing i have done. And that isn't to knock other programs, because i know how much weight watchers is helping one friend, and i know how much ideal protein is helping another. You have to find what works for you. I do believe in whole30 because it's all real whole clean foods. But i'm not knocking other programs because i know what it is to have to find the right thing for YOU & your body. This is just my story.

So my lowest weight was last year after my first whole30. I got down to my smallest, finally, in five years of pursuing weightloss. But now? Well.

This morning i had to go to the doctor. (Sinus infection = BOO.) They weighed me. I hadn't weighed in forever. Not since moving. Because i KNOW i have been a fast food, sugar-eating, lemonade-drinking JUNKIE. And i KNOW i've gained. And it is infuriating... but not enough to make me stop.

So they weighed me & i was sad but not surprised to find that i have gained a lot & that i weigh far more than i ever did in 2009 when i reached my highest weight. Far, far more.  How is that even possible?! It makes me so mad at myself. And it's okay if you are thinking, "GOD, how could she do that to herself?!" It's okay because i think the same thing, and the answer is - i don't know. I just don't know.

The thing about paleo is... even though i am not hardcore... as in, i don't think it is the end of the world if i can't get grassfed beef, and i don't think  a little cheese is gonna kill me... I BELIEVE IN IT. I believe in the program. It is an awesome way to eat, and many many people have been healed of their diseases because of eating this way. I know that if i did it and stuck to it, it could help me get rid of my insulin resistance, PCOS, and... yes...infertility. PCOS isn't the only reason we don't have kids...there are issues on both sides... but i can do my part by trying to get healthy. You know?

Even writing this, i tremble in fear, because i fail at this ALL THE TIME. But i really don't want food to control me like it does. I recently was thinking about my potential. I have always wanted to go as far in life as God & my potential would take me. But my potential is taking me nowhere because i am lazy, i am inconsistent, and i love to give in to my every whim and desire.

I am afraid to say tomorrow i am doing whole30, because i always fail, and as soon as 30 days are up, i return to eating the worst food ever made. So maybe i will just say... tomorrow i start paleo without the paleofied treats. Ha. I don't know. But tomorrow is the start of this new plan. It has to be!

I am actually thinking of saying tomorrow is day one of Whole15. And then when that's over, I'll do another one. Ha!

I just have to do SOMETHING

I really think about this a lot. I think about how i love pro/con lists. And how if i did a list on pros & cons of doing another whole30 (or something similar), it would be a no brainer.

So i made one. And i was right. It's a total no-brainer! 

I should've also included "to be free from the control food has over me". I mean, come on now. There are a million reasons to DO IT, and there are no good reasons to not do it! I mean, seriously? So what is my problem then?? Honestly, there is no reason to NOT do it. But i think about this all the time. I have all the reasons to do it, and i still give in to the food.

So there you have it. That is where i am with this. And i need help.

And please... no negative comments here. I understand if you don't agree with no sugar or no grains or the whole30 program or the paleo way, but i disagree with a lot of diets & yet, i keep my mouth shut when it is what someone believes in. Also, please don't comment that you have the perfect program for me, because when you do that i feel like you weren't even listening. I have the right program. I just need help to actually DO IT! And really - i would have that same need for ANY program! 

But i do need your help. And that is in the way of prayer, support, encouragement.

              *    *    *    *    *    * 

Now for the fun part... I've been meaning to share this with you!

Recently, my friend Ali, who has done AWESOME with the paleo lifestyle, decided to have a whole30 dinner party, where everyone brought a different meal that is whole30 compliant & we would share.  She invited her sister and her sister's friend who both were starting whole30 that next week, she invited me and another friend, Amanda, because we both have done whole30s and are trying to continue in a paleo type of lifestyle. Because i was smack dab in the middle of moving, they let me off the hook with cooking, (And a good thing... i wore two different pairs of earrings... Ali caught that halfway through our meal. I was a disheveled mess. i said, You're lucky I showered! Haha! Really glad i got off the hook with cooking...no telling how i would've messed that up! Probably would have grabbed sugar instead of salt!

Anyway, the dinner was a SUCCESS & the food was SO GOOD, y'all!! OMG!

This is a GREAT idea to do with some of your whole30 or paleo friends! 

So here are some pics from that evening. I hope we do it again! What a great idea to get together, share your stories & recipes, and motivate each other! :)

 At one time, these were my roommates! Amanda & Ali.

All whole30 approved. green bean casserole, buffalo chicken wings, a chicken asparagus meal, coleslaw, zucchini poppers, meatballs. YUM!

Shrimp & Grits!! Y'all. THIS WAS AMAZING! And quote of the night while serving up our plates:

Me: I don't know how i feel about paleo grits...
Jess: Girl, it's cauliflower!
Me: OH! I feel so much better now!


 Me & Jess! She is ali's sister & also a roomie of mine at one time! :)

Me & Amanda. And where i can see that i have gained SO MUCH WEIGHT! :( 

Me & Brad are also going to start walking &/or bike-riding in our new neighborhood! 

Okay, so. Just wanted to share where i am with weightloss these days. And it's not good, is it?! Please pray for me & send a little encouragement my way! Thank you!! 

P.S. if you leave a comment that needs a reply, please leave your email address with it! :)


  1. I think the theory behind paleo/primal diets totally makes sense and can be quite a sustainable lifestyle. I wonder if it's the Whole 30 part that's tripping you up. Perhaps a more subtle implementation of the rules would be easier for you to maintain. If you go into the month thinking it will be over in 30 days, it's easy to relapse. Consider gradual changes like completiely cutting out all regular soda, sweet tea, lemonade, juices etc. Try that for a couple weeks and then when you're ready, nix something else off your naughty list like the M&Ms. Either way, you know you can do this and that your husband can support you these lifestyle changes.

  2. I've followed your blog for...years haha. Good luck! I'll be praying for you, I know you can do it. Ps congrats on the new house!

  3. Thankyou, Nina! I have actually thought a lot about doing something like that. I did my first whole30 without any cheats or issues, but my second one was a LOT harder. And i started and stopped a couple in between!

  4. You can do this girl...!!! Take it day by day, hour by hour. Don't be so hard on yourself if you mess up, just get up and start right back the next minute. Don't let satan beat you down about it. I know first hand how hard it is and the struggle you are going through on all sides. You got this, and I will be with you every step of the way...I love you my friend. You WILL beat this.


  5. I'm the same way with whole30!

    I finished one back in March and loved it! I was the "smallest" I've been in 2+ years, but after a few weeks I let the junk back in my life and now I'm back to square one. :-/

    My mom has been whole30/paleo for about 2-3 months now and she's succeeding! Her numbers are improving (cholesterol, blood sugar, etc) for the first time in over 10 years and she's lost 50lbs since last year! Seeing her do so well really reenforced the fact that this is the right way to be eating. And if you think about it, meat and veggies is what God provided for us to eat, so of course it's more nourishing and beneficial than the factory foods we've created on our own! I feel like there's a great Bible study in there somewhere...

    Anyway, I'm choosing to start living paleo/whole30ish again starting tomorrow! I'll be praying for you and your journey! :)

  6. I really identified myself in a lot of what you're talking about, because I ate worse after my first Whole 30 as well and gained a lot of weight over the course of a year. I don't know numbers because I don't own a scale, but I know that my big pants were tight.

    I really think you might benefit from a Whole 100. I see it all the time on the Whole 30 sites...

    Since you have many years of habits to break and you know you can do 30 days, and 30 days hasn't been enough, maybe you need to up the days... to a Whole 60, Whole 90 or Whole 100. It would also likely be really good to go through Thanksgiving and Christmas with one.

    I'm in Canada and am doing my second Whole 30 through our Thanksgiving. I did break the "sex with your pants on" rule and made a paleo whole-30 compliant ingredient pumpkin "cheesecake" and while my family enjoyed gravy and mashed potatoes, i had turkey with salad and roasted potatoes and then a small piece of my paleo cheesecake. I still enjoyed my dinner and loved being with my family on the holiday.

    The reason I don't agree with the Sex with your pants on rule is because I think that when you're doing this for lifestyle changes, finding alternatives that are sustainable is an important element of switching to this lifestyle!

    My second Whole 30 is actually a Whole 24 because on Day 25 i'm going to a wedding and will be eating the dinner served and drinking... but then I'm going to start over again the next day and go again until the beginning of November. I too am trying to make this a lifestyle because I know my body feels the best while eating this way. I think it's just hard when you slip up once afterwards and it becomes a landslide.

    Sorry for the novel, I really hope you're able to find the solution that works for you!

  7. Mmmmh. I saw your plea for help on FB to read your blog so I did. I'm a little reluctant to comment because your post is so thorough and so well written, I believe my words should be as thought out as well. I will do my best but reserve the right to later improve :)

    I have never been significantly overweight so let's put that on the table. YET, my lack of a positive body image has controlled me for over 35 years. So, while we don't have the same scale response, we do share the desire of the Pros that you listed in your chart. But one of the things I could add to my list was to stop obsessing and start living. Yet, I knew that that did not mean living with foods that didn't fuel me. So I had to figure out a lifeplan.

    I believe very thoroughly in whole 30 as a detox. I also believe very thoroughly in Paleo as a lifestyle.

    The things I read in your blog are:

    1) you really haven't fully identified sugar addiction as a real addiction. I hate the term food addiction as being all encompassing, but I do believe in the man made sugar addiction. The sooner you realize its power, the better. You need to treat sugar AND those foods that turn into sugar when digested like alcohol is to an alcoholic. You simply can't eat those foods or it turns you into someone they make horrible movies about.

    2) You really haven't embraced the concept of food as fuel. Once you do, this understanding keeps you from eating crap foods. I'm not being mean but you don't get bigger than you were before by too many veggies, fruit and clean protein.

    3) You don't talk a whole lot about exercise. If you exercise more, you will start to feel the big difference between food as junk and food as fuel. Its benefits are tied to food and when you make that connection, it will help you in other areas of life.

    So, you say you don't know why you "turned back". Turned back to addiction? Turned away from your goals? You turned back to addiction because you went into a bar and ate that first bag of M&Ms. It's powerful and you need to treat it as such. Whole 30 is great because it keeps you out of the bar but afterwards you need to stay out of the bar FOREVER. Or, at least until you can handle it in very small increments.

    Know that this journey is a long one because it is a lifestyle choice. Stop thinkin 30, 100 or 365, this is life. Be the person you want to be. If you screw up at breakfast, make the rest of the day perfect. Learn to get on the horse every day repeatedly.

    Finally, start making a list of what excuses you put in your head to eat crap, or eat too much. I think this will help you identify the emotional havoc that runs through all of us. For me, despite having many "success" accolades, e.g. great husband, great balanced kids, high paying job, etc. I still told myself I wasn't enough. Once I got over that, my body image issues improved and allowed me to take on challenges that most 25 y/o s wouldn't do. I turned 50 this year and I am in better shape than most people I know of ANY age. I am a positive role model for my kids, my husband and my joint ailing friends. None of that was done easily or quickly. All of it was done with intention. All of it had moments of failure.

    It doesn't have to take 50 years to get there but it does have to last over 50 years. This isn't a "thing", this is a life.

    Good luck.

    I hope you read this with all the supportive sincerity in which it was meant. I speak firmly but with love :)

  8. Honestly, it sounds like the Whole 30 did work for you. If it ain't broke.... but the problem possibly lies when you finish the whole 30. I know this whole weight loss thing is HARD oh so hard. But this is what worked for me. I started with 1 small change that I knew I could accomplish for one week (no cokes) and I did it. The next week I said, I can exercise 30 minutes per day 3 times a week, and I did that. Then next I started logging my food. All these small changes over time started snowballing and leading to bigger changes. It all adds up! Nothing is as hard as the first step out the door! You got this Mel! I believe in you!

  9. Love hearing about people eating healthy!! Keep doing it girl!!!! I can keep you accountable!

  10. Way to get back on the horse, Mel! You can do this. I will pray for you about this and all the benefits that can come with sticking with it. You're awesome and you deserve to be free of this!

  11. I am going to email you in just a bit...but I wanted to just post here and tell you that I've got your back!! I'm cheering you on (just as you are cheering me on!!) and WE CAN DO THIS!

  12. Hi Mel, sending a bunch of support and hugs from a fellow weight-challenged person.
    I have an awesome doctor and she told me things that helped me achieve my lowest weight since 15 years. I'm still fat, mind you, but feeling so much better in my own skin.

    First of all, the ability to put on weight easily and rapidly is genetic. If your skinny friends had the same diet as you (including soda), they would probably still be thin. That alone took a lot of guilt away, knowing that I was simply "blessed" with a different metabolism which in famine times during the middle ages would be a HUGE advantage, ha! If you look at old European paintings, you would have been that model of plump perfection :)
    Unfortunately for us, we live in the land of cheap delicious saturated fats and sugars.

    The next thing that helped me was to treat my natural tendency towards obesity as an allergy. Behold everyone, I'm allergic to sodas, processed candy, white sugar, fat, starches and gluten. They clog up my arteries more than the average person. I have to be WAY more careful about what I eat than other people. It's unfair, but it's like having freckled skin and not being able to tan. It would be dumb to say "too bad, I'm going in the sun without sunscreen" because you need to care for the body God gave you. Just like it's unwise for me to say "f**k this, I'm eating a box of doughnuts!"
    In fact, I will actually tell people I'm allergic when offered a doughnut :)

    With that approach, I went from feeling tremendous guilt and laziness to having people support me and my "condition", because losing weight is freaking HARD! They'll offer healthy alternatives at family dinners and buy healthier snacks at work so I don't feel excluded.

    So please don't beat yourself up. Ask your husband and family for accountability and support. You can do this!!!

  13. I've never officially done Whole30 or paleo, but with my gestational diabetes I basically am. I haven't had desserts or anything except water to drink in the past 3 weeks since I was diagnosed. I haven't completely stopped eating carbs or beans, but I've definitely cut back. I guess it's easier in a way since I know there's an official end to this (although by that time it will have been 3 months eating this way), but even so I don't want to go crazy at that point either. But I guess we'll have to see how things go though...

  14. You can totally do this!! It's so clear in your writing that you DO want it :). I am here for any support and encouragement that you need!!! XO

  15. Wishing you the best of luck!! Staying on a diet (lifestyle change) is sooooo very hard and it's like once you get off track it's even harder to get back on. However you can do this!!! You know what is best for your body and what works for you!!! I am also starting back on better eating this week so I'll be cheering you on :)

  16. I will definitely pray for you! Whole30 didn't work for me and I have some theories as to why, but I know you don't want negative comments so I won't go into it. I am far from having it all figured out myself. I really like your blog and just think you are the sweetest girl. If you ever want to talk about food addiction and the like, feel free to email me.

  17. HI! I found your blog by googling "Whole 30 and Infertility." I stared my very first Whole30 on Oct 20. I'm on my 10th day. Honestly, this stuff is HARD. I found myself looking lustfully at a roll yesterday - A ROLL!

    My hubs and I have been trying for a year to conceive... nothing yet. I go to the Doctor next week. I've battled endo for years and I'm pretty sure they are going to tell me that's the reason for our trouble. I'm praying that Whole30 will help with the issues.

    As for me, I have a sugar addiction. I'm working this like they teach you in ANY addiction recovery. I'm choosing NOT to think about the 20 more days ahead - but instead, I'm thinking "I don't need that sugar today - I just need to get through TODAY. One day at a time... I can eat it tomorrow! Of course, tomorrow I'll be saying the same thing!" It's worked for me so far.

    Thank you for being so open and honest about your journey. I look forward to getting to "know you better."



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