I wrote two posts in 2017. Three, counting this one. WOW.
I knew my blogging game had seriously fallen, but GRACIOUS.
See? This is the archive section of my blog, the black number is how many posts I wrote that year. There has been quite a decline! Honestly, blogging doesn't seem to be my thing anymore, and I'm okay with that. I do, however, apologize for leaving anyone in the dark about what was going on with me, with us, with our IVF adventure. If you follow me on instagram, though, you've been kept in the loop. I think Instagram is to blame for my lack of blogging. There is just such a strong infertility community there, and it is so easy to tell a quick story!
Anyway. Seeing as how it is the end of the year, I decided to finally update this blog. I don't want to just leave it hanging, you know? This will be as brief as possible!
If you go back to my other posts from this year, you'll see that after doing our egg retrieval in October of 2016, that we had our first embryo transfer in January. That one technically worked but it was a chemical pregnancy (meaning I miscarried before we even got to an ultrasound).
|At our embryo transfer in May.
For me, this one was harder on me than any of the previous ones, not counting my two losses. Miscarriage is unlike anything else, and if you've wished you've miscarried just so you know you can get pregnant, you don't realize what you're saying. I've had girls say that to me, and it made me sick. You don't wish that... you think you wish that, but you don't know how devastating it is to miscarry, especially after waiting and praying and hoping for so long. Anyway, other than those two losses, this negative was harder than the previous 6 years of negatives, including the 6 IUIs. I know that has to be because of all of the money you spend and all that you put your body and emotions through when you do IVF... not to mention the loss of another beautiful embryo (or two, depending on how many were transferred). All of that seems like it is for nothing when it doesn't work. It is devastating and horrifying... how could it not work?! How could it possibly not work? How come so many get pregnant on their honeymoon or by accident?! How come undeserving people get pregnant so dang easily? Why not us? It is hard not to grow bitter.
|An awesome card a friend gave me after our BFN.
|So much love from friends after our failed transfer.
|Gorgeous flowers from a sweet support group friend.
|I got to be in a show again!!!
|Photo by Amanda Blythe Photography
In 2018 we will reach 7 years of trying to conceive. Also in 2018, I will turn 40. For me, this is our last year to give this a go. We are getting older and frankly, I am weary of the battle. I am ready to receive what I believe the Lord has for us. Over the past 7 years we have tried naturally, we have done temping and charting and tests and labwork. We have done 6 IUIs, 1 egg retrieval and 2 embryo transfers. I have had two early miscarriages. I am ready for all of that to be in the past and for 2018 to be the start of an entirely new journey for us... something I have looked forward to my entire life, even as a child: Motherhood.
|The night Brad came to see me in Sister Act.
Love you all! Thank you for your many prayers throughout our journey.