Monday, February 26, 2018

2018 Goals

Well, here it is, the very end of February, and I am just now writing this post! Better late than never, I guess? Honestly, I don't feel like I am much of a blogger anymore, but some things you just need to get down!

Every year I make new year's resolutions. I know a lot of people who do this and a lot of people who don't. A lot of people are kind of anti- new year's resolutions, saying they set goals throughout the year. Truth be told, I should probably be more like those people! I wonder if they stick to their goals better than us new year resolutioners. This is just how I've always been. I absolutely love a new year. I often face depression during December (mainly because it's another year without a baby), but come January 1st, my perspective has changed entirely. I feel hope again when January gets here, and that's putting it mildly. I am pretty much bursting with hope and excitement for a new year.

So I have some goals for this year. Some are big and some are small. They aren't too extreme, because I know goals like that are the reason so many of them fail. I set ones that I feel are within my control and are realistic. I am not someone who gives up after a month (except when it comes to the health ones, that is something I always struggle with! But it's also the one I keep coming back to throughout the year). So I set ones that I fully intend on accomplishing! Honestly some of these are so reachable for some of you, it will be laughable!

2018 Goals/Resolutions
-Pursue a keto way of eating
-Return to IVF down 30-50 pounds
-Stick to Bible in a Year plan
-Read 6 books minimum
-Plant a flower bed!
-Paint door & shutters
-Organize/clean out/declutter
-Finish Living Room updates
-Go to NYC!

I want to share my thoughts on these. I'll start from the bottom of the list and work my way up!

Does this count as a new year's resolution? Probably not! But thought I would list it as a goal since it's something we've got to save up for. I've said for years that on our ten year anniversary I would like to go on a real vacation with my husband. We haven't done a whole lot of traveling. We did our honeymoon and we've done a couple of bed and breakfasts in neighboring cities. In 2015 we went to Georgia with good friends of ours, and that was a blast! But that's it. He is fine with wherever I want to go, so it took me awhile to decide on a place. So many places to see! But I decided on New York City. I've been once for one day... I went with my church music team to Connecticut and we took the train to NYC for a day. It was fun but not even close to being enough time! Plus, this was back when I was engaged, and I can remember thinking "I wish Brad was here!" the entire time. So NYC it is! I'm excited and hoping we can make this happen!

Lately I've really wanted to change up some things in our living room. The furniture will stay the same, but I fell in love with a rug at Pier One. I want to get pillows & an accent chair that coordinate with it. I also want to change up the pictures above our couches, adding more artwork and a putting up a grid wall gallery. Nothing wrong with how it is now, I'm just tired of it & ready to change it up a bit! This means I'll move some of the frames that are above our couches now to a mini wall gallery in our entryway! I also want to finally put some curtains up! Lots to do, but stuff that could easily be knocked out if I just get moving! I am nothing if not a procrastinator...

I've already gotten a start on this. Right after Christmas I got rid of all kinds of things that we don't use or need anymore. I also reorganized our pantry and the closet in my office which had become quite a mess! Next up is our bedroom closets! Organization isn't my least favorite thing, so I think it is safe to say that this one will get done! It is just something I will have to revisit throughout the year!

Y'all. This is not my forte. This is not my thing! At all! I dread doing this! Honestly I would rather go to the dentist, and I'm not even joking. However, our front lawn is one of the least attractive lawns in our neighborhood...sad, I know. But it's the truth. If our neighbors judge us based on what our flower beds look like, then Lord only knows what they think of us! It's not about what people think, I know, but it's not just that. I really do want it to look nice! And it's time. I've wanted this since we moved in 3 years ago... it's time to just buckle down and get it done! My family has agreed to come help me and we have it on the calendar! So hopefully I'll have some before & after pics for you soon!

I mean, might as well do this too, right?! This seems like one of those things that would be easy to put off year after year. But I've wanted it for awhile now, so why not just make it happen in 2018?! I think fresh paint (like this or like this) would help the outside of our house look so much better! So I'm hoping we can make that happen. I'll have to get hubby on board. Wish me luck!

Are you laughing yet?!? Hahahaha. I'm thinking of two friends in particular (AHEM, Erika & Shelley), who read like a bazillion books every year! HOW in the world do they do it?!). They are both probably snickering right now at my tiny little goal of 6 whole books, but I told you I set realistic goals! 6 books is one every other month, and considering I read one, mayyyyybe two, books last year, I'm thinking 6 should be my goal! If I beat that, then great! Hopefully I will!

I've always been a bookworm. I love to read. My mom brags that I was reading at 3 years old. And I can remember getting in trouble many times for getting caught with a book and a flashlight way past my bedtime! I also remember getting fussed at for having my nose in a book on roadtrips (instead of paying attention to the scenery outside my window!). I mean, I am the type of kid who - on the rare occasion that I got grounded (haha) - I got grounded from books! I have always loved to read! But a few years ago I got in some sort of reading funk. I just couldn't get through a single book to save my life. People say maybe I was choosing the wrong books, but no. I don't think it's that at all. I know what kind of books I like, I know the authors I love. This was all me. Getting preoccupied with my phone & the internet. It's ridiculous! I really miss being a bookworm and want to get back to that place! This year I've finished one book and am more than halfway through the next! So I am on the right track and hopefully I'll get my groove back when it comes to reading. Hashtag reading is cool.

This year for Christmas I got the She Reads Truth Bible and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. They have a Bible-in-a-year plan and I am following it. Let me be clear - I am not going to read all four chapters every day. It's not going to happen. To say that I will and set a goal like that is for sure setting myself up for failure! But as much as I can, and so far it is happening at least a few days a week, I read a day's worth of scripture. This may mean I finish it up in April or June 2019 - I'm okay with that. The important thing to me is that I am reading it consistently. So far so good, but I want to keep that going!

Maybe I should have started with this, the heavy stuff. This is where I am struggling. I need prayers. I need help. Let me be completely transparent with you. I dropped 10 pounds last August when I did a whole30. I gained it all back. When I started out 2018, I weighed exactly the same that I weighed when I started whole30 last year. So in January I started keto, and I loved it. I did so well on it. In one month, I dropped 11 pounds. I was so proud. But as is so typical of me, I fell off the wagon in February & if I'm not careful I will gain it all back again! Going two steps forward three steps back with weightloss is the norm with me, but I desperately need that to change. This isn't about self-hate or bad body image for me. Yes, there are many more pounds on this body than is healthy but I don't stare in the mirror and loathe myself. This isn't about that. It's about my health, of course. However, my biggest reason why is so that I can go back to my fertility clinic having lost a decent amount of weight. Ideally I'd like to have lost 30-50 pounds. And I would like to go back this summer. And listen, I know that even if I lost 100 pounds, it still may not work. I know that. But losing weight can only help my chances, so I'm trying. It is the only thing my doctor can come up with as to why this hasn't worked, from a medical standpoint. My labs are perfect, my embryos are high grade. It isn't that he thinks my weight is to blame, not at all, but if it is a contributing factor to why this hasn't worked yet, then of course I want to do whatever I can to increase my chances of success next time. The truth is I've had plenty of time to lose that and then some, but instead I lose it and gain it over and over. It's hard. The struggle IS real. And while I'm feeling optimistic today, there are many days where I think it is impossible. But I know it's not. Please pray for me if you get the chance! This is so important to me, yet I keep failing. I have started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life... why? Because if there is a mental/emotional connection to why I never can lose the weight then I want to get to the bottom of it. And maybe there's not. Maybe it's just a combination of having PCOS, insulin resistance, and loving food a little too much! But maybe it's something deeper. So I really hope this is something I accomplish; some days I have my doubts. One thing is for sure, I won't quit trying and finding my way. I just am desperate to make some headway in this area soon! I am so ready to go back to our RE and transfer our remaining embryos, in hopes that I can finally become a mom.

So there you have it, my goals for this year, written down. Thanks for reading!