tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92179370397042283222024-03-05T07:31:37.967-06:00Little Mrs. Married...Some things are just meant to be.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.comBlogger1380125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-21366565545322178462018-02-26T15:59:00.002-06:002018-02-27T10:42:46.754-06:002018 GoalsWell, here it is, the very end of February, and I am just now writing this post! Better late than never, I guess? Honestly, I don't feel like I am much of a blogger anymore, but some things you just need to get down!<br />
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Every year I make new year's resolutions. I know a lot of people who do this and a lot of people who don't. A lot of people are kind of anti- new year's resolutions, saying they set goals throughout the year. Truth be told, I should probably be more like those people! I wonder if they stick to their goals better than us new year resolutioners. This is just how I've always been. I absolutely love a new year. I often face depression during December (mainly because it's another year without a baby), but come January 1st, my perspective has changed entirely. I feel hope again when January gets here, and that's putting it mildly. I am pretty much bursting with hope and excitement for a new year. <br />
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So I have some goals for this year. Some are big and some are small. They aren't too extreme, because I know goals like that are the reason so many of them fail. I set ones that I feel are within my control and are realistic. I am not someone who gives up after a month (except when it comes to the health ones, that is something I always struggle with! But it's also the one I keep coming back to throughout the year). So I set ones that I fully intend on accomplishing! Honestly some of these are so reachable for some of you, it will be laughable!</div>
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<u>2018 Goals/Resolutions</u></div>
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-Pursue a keto way of eating </div>
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-Return to IVF down 30-50 pounds</div>
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-Stick to Bible in a Year plan </div>
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-Read 6 books minimum </div>
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-Plant a flower bed! </div>
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-Paint door & shutters</div>
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-Organize/clean out/declutter</div>
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-Finish Living Room updates</div>
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-Go to NYC! <br />
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I want to share my thoughts on these. I'll start from the bottom of the list and work my way up! <br />
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GO TO NYC. <br />
Does this count as a new year's resolution? Probably not! But thought I would list it as a goal since it's something we've got to save up for. I've said for years that on our ten year anniversary I would like to go on a real vacation with my husband. We haven't done a whole lot of traveling. We did our honeymoon and we've done a couple of bed and breakfasts in neighboring cities. In 2015 we went to Georgia with good friends of ours, and that was a blast! But that's it. He is fine with wherever I want to go, so it took me awhile to decide on a place. So many places to see! But I decided on New York City. I've been once for one day... I went with my church music team to Connecticut and we took the train to NYC for a day. It was fun but not even close to being enough time! Plus, this was back when I was engaged, and I can remember thinking "I wish Brad was here!" the entire time. So NYC it is! I'm excited and hoping we can make this happen! <br />
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UPDATE THE LIVING ROOM.<br />
Lately I've really wanted to change up some things in our living room. The furniture will stay the same, but I fell in love with <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/150518812529439605/" target="_blank">a rug at Pier One</a>. I want to get pillows & an accent chair that coordinate with it. I also want to change up the pictures above our couches, adding more artwork and a putting up a <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=grid%20wall%20gallery&rs=typed&term_meta[]=grid%7Ctyped&term_meta[]=wall%7Ctyped&term_meta[]=gallery%7Ctyped" target="_blank">grid wall gallery</a>. Nothing wrong with how it is now, I'm just tired of it & ready to change it up a bit! This means I'll move some of the frames that are above our couches now to a mini wall gallery in our entryway! I also want to finally put some curtains up! Lots to do, but stuff that could easily be knocked out if I just get moving! I am nothing if not a procrastinator... <br />
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DECLUTTER/ORGANIZE.<br />
I've already gotten a start on this. Right after Christmas I got rid of all kinds of things that we don't use or need anymore. I also reorganized our pantry and the closet in my office which had become quite a mess! Next up is our bedroom closets! Organization isn't my least favorite thing, so I think it is safe to say that this one will get done! It is just something I will have to revisit throughout the year! <br />
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PLANT A FLOWER BED.<br />
Y'all. This is not my forte. This is not my thing! At all! I dread doing this! Honestly I would rather go to the dentist, and I'm not even joking. However, our front lawn is one of the least attractive lawns in our neighborhood...sad, I know. But it's the truth. If our neighbors judge us based on what our flower beds look like, then Lord only knows what they think of us! It's not about what people think, I know, but it's not just that. I really do want it to look nice! And it's time. I've wanted this since we moved in 3 years ago... it's time to just buckle down and get it done! My family has agreed to come help me and we have it on the calendar! So hopefully I'll have some before & after pics for you soon! <br />
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PAINT OUR DOOR AND SHUTTERS.<br />
I mean, might as well do this too, right?! This seems like one of those things that would be easy to put off year after year. But I've wanted it for awhile now, so why not just make it happen in 2018?! I think fresh paint (like <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/317855686173116944/" target="_blank">this</a> or like <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/AVgJEwldTsdfhbL-vAvCsoYb4TCcfPw-6l2bBYb0F4049t-k-cOiwFM/" target="_blank">this</a>) would help the outside of our house look so much better! So I'm hoping we can make that happen. I'll have to get hubby on board. Wish me luck! <br />
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READ 6 BOOKS.<br />
Are you laughing yet?!? Hahahaha. I'm thinking of two friends in particular (AHEM, Erika & Shelley), who read like a bazillion books every year! HOW in the world do they do it?!). They are both probably snickering right now at my tiny little goal of 6 whole books, but I told you I set <em>realistic</em> goals! 6 books is one every other month, and considering I read one, mayyyyybe two, books last year, I'm thinking 6 should be my goal! If I beat that, then great! Hopefully I will! <br />
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I've always been a bookworm. I love to read. My mom brags that I was reading at 3 years old. And I can remember getting in trouble many times for getting caught with a book and a flashlight way past my bedtime! I also remember getting fussed at for having my nose in a book on roadtrips (instead of paying attention to the scenery outside my window!). I mean, I am the type of kid who - on the <em>rare</em> occasion that I got grounded (haha) - I got grounded from books! I have always loved to read! But a few years ago I got in some sort of reading funk. I just couldn't get through a single book to save my life. People say maybe I was choosing the wrong books, but no. I don't think it's that at all. I know what kind of books I like, I know the authors I love. This was all me. Getting preoccupied with my phone & the internet. It's ridiculous! I really miss being a bookworm and want to get back to that place! This year I've finished <a href="https://www.amazon.com/If-You-Only-Knew-Unavoidable/dp/1462749720/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519684514&sr=8-1&keywords=if+you+only+knew" target="_blank">one book</a> and am more than halfway through <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1519684791&sr=1-1-spons&keywords=the+road+back+to+you&psc=1" target="_blank">the next</a>! So I am on the right track and hopefully I'll get my groove back when it comes to reading. Hashtag reading is cool. <br />
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STICK TO THE BIBLE IN A YEAR PLAN.<br />
This year for Christmas I got the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Reads-Truth-Bible-Navy-LeatherTouch/dp/1433613824/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1519684845&sr=8-3&keywords=she+reads+truth+bible&dpID=41vPfjJnPrL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch" target="_blank">She Reads Truth Bible</a> and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. They have a Bible-in-a-year plan and I am following it. Let me be clear - I am not going to read all four chapters every day. It's not going to happen. To say that I will and set a goal like that is for sure setting myself up for failure! But as much as I can, and so far it is happening at least a few days a week, I read a day's worth of scripture. This may mean I finish it up in April or June 2019 - I'm okay with that. The important thing to me is that I am reading it consistently. So far so good, but I want to keep that going!<br />
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FOLLOW KETO/LOSE WEIGHT/RETURN TO IVF.<br />
Maybe I should have started with this, the heavy stuff. This is where I am struggling. I need prayers. I need help. Let me be completely transparent with you. I dropped 10 pounds last August when I did a whole30. I gained it all back. When I started out 2018, I weighed exactly the same that I weighed when I started whole30 last year. So in January I started keto, and I loved it. I did so well on it. In one month, I dropped 11 pounds. I was so proud. But as is so typical of me, I fell off the wagon in February & if I'm not careful I will gain it all back again! Going two steps forward three steps back with weightloss is the norm with me, but I desperately need that to change. This isn't about self-hate or bad body image for me. Yes, there are many more pounds on this body than is healthy but I don't stare in the mirror and loathe myself. This isn't about that. It's about my health, of course. However, my biggest reason why is so that I can go back to my fertility clinic having lost a decent amount of weight. Ideally I'd like to have lost 30-50 pounds. And I would like to go back this summer. And listen, I know that even if I lost 100 pounds, it still may not work. I know that. But losing weight can only help my chances, so I'm trying. It is the only thing my doctor can come up with as to why this hasn't worked, from a medical standpoint. My labs are perfect, my embryos are high grade. It isn't that he thinks my weight is to blame, not at all, but if it is a contributing factor to why this hasn't worked yet, then of course I want to do whatever I can to increase my chances of success next time. The truth is I've had plenty of time to lose that and then some, but instead I lose it and gain it over and over. It's hard. The struggle IS real. And while I'm feeling optimistic today, there are many days where I think it is impossible. But I know it's not. Please pray for me if you get the chance! This is <em>so</em> important to me, yet I keep failing. I have started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life... why? Because if there is a mental/emotional connection to why I never can lose the weight then I want to get to the bottom of it. And maybe there's not. Maybe it's just a combination of having PCOS, insulin resistance, and loving food a little too much! But maybe it's something deeper. So I really hope this is something I accomplish; some days I have my doubts. One thing is for sure, I won't quit trying and finding my way. I just am desperate to make some headway in this area soon! I am so ready to go back to our RE and transfer our remaining embryos, in hopes that I can finally become a mom.<br />
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So there you have it, my goals for this year, written down. Thanks for reading!<br />
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-53652308332643034052017-12-30T21:33:00.001-06:002017-12-30T21:35:55.214-06:00Our IVF Journey (frozen embryo transfer #2 & moving forward) <br />
I wrote two posts in 2017. Three, counting this one. WOW.<br />
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I knew my blogging game had seriously fallen, but GRACIOUS.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuAri3j3-7djVGcjRyBoHHfGMCdExDKbiP7kbQ4-0Rsl7l3_xfryMznUSIFc2bh5tVml314-Mrwc7V5t1cv3vY49UV_bXW2e_eL-3LHZFyswjGF9InQHjj7g0FW7-X3zYKGqUwrFiav7M/s1600/IMG_E9992.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="454" data-original-width="414" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuAri3j3-7djVGcjRyBoHHfGMCdExDKbiP7kbQ4-0Rsl7l3_xfryMznUSIFc2bh5tVml314-Mrwc7V5t1cv3vY49UV_bXW2e_eL-3LHZFyswjGF9InQHjj7g0FW7-X3zYKGqUwrFiav7M/s320/IMG_E9992.JPG" width="291" /></a></div>
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See? This is the archive section of my blog, the black number is how many posts I wrote that year. There has been quite a decline! Honestly, blogging doesn't seem to be my thing anymore, and I'm okay with that. I do, however, apologize for leaving anyone in the dark about what was going on with me, with us, with our IVF adventure. If you follow me on instagram, though, you've been kept in the loop. I think Instagram is to blame for my lack of blogging. There is just such a strong infertility community there, and it is so easy to tell a quick story! <br />
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Anyway. Seeing as how it is the end of the year, I decided to finally update this blog. I don't want to just leave it hanging, you know? This will be as brief as possible! <br />
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If you go back to my other posts from this year, you'll see that after doing <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2017/03/our-ivf-journey-egg-retrieval.html" target="_blank">our egg retrieval</a> in October of 2016, that we had our <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2017/04/our-ivf-journey-frozen-embryo-transfer-1.html" target="_blank">first embryo transfer</a> in January. That one technically worked but it was a chemical pregnancy (meaning I miscarried before we even got to an ultrasound).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTLwEIyC61pdAQr66Tn7ss62OrWHAREXTsDxngqzU0y53LeP-8mfFDHRnGFJFZscYrak0rYl_5vyRhH0JC_XQ5Kq8uLBWvz5daj2G9FWkpng6S4Pa9rVP_wtm7U10jLsAWI5AEugAHUAU/s1600/IMG_5333.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTLwEIyC61pdAQr66Tn7ss62OrWHAREXTsDxngqzU0y53LeP-8mfFDHRnGFJFZscYrak0rYl_5vyRhH0JC_XQ5Kq8uLBWvz5daj2G9FWkpng6S4Pa9rVP_wtm7U10jLsAWI5AEugAHUAU/s400/IMG_5333.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At our embryo transfer in May. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iS76B-8Q5REQwHIlG2GKkvvIV0BIRdIOXfWlB5nuxJDr-DV54gqtqYcuz9HApeOJbrMBCRufPX6njzrP8kDEER8JHJQzuvrkd4NWtdEo8euL0YABqIlO5mYOsneL4IukEP87kbRAn7E/s1600/IMG_5334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iS76B-8Q5REQwHIlG2GKkvvIV0BIRdIOXfWlB5nuxJDr-DV54gqtqYcuz9HApeOJbrMBCRufPX6njzrP8kDEER8JHJQzuvrkd4NWtdEo8euL0YABqIlO5mYOsneL4IukEP87kbRAn7E/s400/IMG_5334.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our embaby </td></tr>
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In May, we had our second frozen embryo transfer. It was not successful. I was pretty devastated.<br />
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For me, this one was harder on me than any of the previous ones, not counting my two losses. Miscarriage is unlike anything else, and if you've wished you've miscarried just so you know you can get pregnant, you don't realize what you're saying. I've had girls say that to me, and it made me sick. You don't wish that... you think you wish that, but you don't know how devastating it is to miscarry, especially after waiting and praying and hoping for so long. Anyway, other than those two losses, this negative was harder than the previous 6 years of negatives, including the 6 IUIs. I know that has to be because of all of the money you spend and all that you put your body and emotions through when you do IVF... not to mention the loss of another beautiful embryo (or two, depending on how many were transferred). All of that seems like it is for nothing when it doesn't work. It is devastating and horrifying... how could it not work?! How could it possibly not work? How come so many get pregnant on their honeymoon or by accident?! How come undeserving people get pregnant so dang easily? Why not us? It is hard not to grow bitter.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxImlmOmg6OQpNF-NcOsaIdxQh2FF8BW9M6wCO8LynSuf7rnXxWtIMdlWYuJM4BzN2bldQtKCbYS3aOe7mJBVCMH-gU8dZxbNwJ_lVyJBlXzaFGkSZqUdogMdnz2k0_IE1etmF-yQZ_xc/s1600/IMG_5427.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxImlmOmg6OQpNF-NcOsaIdxQh2FF8BW9M6wCO8LynSuf7rnXxWtIMdlWYuJM4BzN2bldQtKCbYS3aOe7mJBVCMH-gU8dZxbNwJ_lVyJBlXzaFGkSZqUdogMdnz2k0_IE1etmF-yQZ_xc/s400/IMG_5427.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An awesome card a friend gave me after our BFN. </td></tr>
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But in June we met with my doctor to talk about why it didn't work. I had been praying about dropping some weight before our next round. It isn't that i think my weight is why it didn't work before. I am sure a lot of people think that, but it isn't really the case. I could lose 150 pounds and it still not work. I can name for you probably 20 friends right off the bat whose IVF transfers were negative and they're all in great shape. It isn't all about my weight, there are other factors involved. For the most part, I believe this is beyond my control. That being said, I want to give our remaining embryos their best chance of making it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtkqIm991aWTTRFxT8QE4nSFGQIe3v1M1Uo0owheoROzKvu7A_F8QKe1UV7TVREtpplp3xvvDPV0TAJX1rCVbT-jFZ2UphERGH4UBM9YENXIcXxlkEZBTI-7vSlj3dVTj-n0nvk9LVZ68/s1600/IMG_5441.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtkqIm991aWTTRFxT8QE4nSFGQIe3v1M1Uo0owheoROzKvu7A_F8QKe1UV7TVREtpplp3xvvDPV0TAJX1rCVbT-jFZ2UphERGH4UBM9YENXIcXxlkEZBTI-7vSlj3dVTj-n0nvk9LVZ68/s400/IMG_5441.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So much love from friends after our failed transfer. </td></tr>
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So I prayed on the way to my consult that whatever our doctor suggested would be the right path for me. I didn't really think he would mention my weight because he has said before, he disagrees with having a weight restriction for IVF as some doctors have. He sees many overweight women conceive and have healthy pregnancies. But what do you know... after praying what I did on the way to our consult, the first thing out of my doctor's mouth after saying he was so sorry it didn't work was that the only thing he would suggest is that I try to lose weight before our next round. Now, I know some people would die if their doctor said that, but I know that my weight is a problem, and he is able to suggest things like weightloss without making you feel horrible about yourself. Truly, he talks about it in the same way he might tell someone they need to get a routine mammogram or have their blood pressure checked. I am fine with talking about it, especially since he is able talk about it without making me feel like crap! All of that to say, I wasn't upset when he said that. It was simply confirmation in my heart after already feeling like that was where God was leading me.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaQLXfK88iNTmhvBQwOCAHoc10_dotWP0hKz1yJhGPK3s4IaLgeemiU0DrzfGQ4Sj0AzBluGATJ31tuYHhihiaB92xdGHvdlNQIzIhrtORhmBqWIM8aPrKrL3ipiTq62lz8TNHkhrrBxQ/s1600/IMG_5499.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1343" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaQLXfK88iNTmhvBQwOCAHoc10_dotWP0hKz1yJhGPK3s4IaLgeemiU0DrzfGQ4Sj0AzBluGATJ31tuYHhihiaB92xdGHvdlNQIzIhrtORhmBqWIM8aPrKrL3ipiTq62lz8TNHkhrrBxQ/s400/IMG_5499.JPG" width="335" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gorgeous flowers from a sweet support group friend. </td></tr>
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So since then I have been on a break. I jumped into a whole30 & dropped ten pounds. I jumped into theater again, which I had missed tremendously & which had brought so much joy to my life before. Theater isn't really something I can do while doing IVF so it was a gift to be able to do that while on break from treatment. I stage managed Footloose with the young actor's program and I auditioned for Sister Act and performed as a nun in the ensemble. It was an absolutely blast that I will cherish forever! Then we celebrated our 9th anniversary and then the holidays began! I fell way off the eating well wagon, though. It is just so hard to keep it going, even when you have the very best reasons for changing your lifestyle. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn9fjht5OhdfsaDrUByjgheY7RBWxX43yk13-Fxsy31eu-uJ8nNgRdwUDgJfjbaW3Xb-RNvKW-iUXOy5vJKzKAf-szxDvA5CxAwv8JSc2ta9YbaaWvH0-I3C69ppdmvW07QEzizzH5Iig/s1600/IMG_8631.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn9fjht5OhdfsaDrUByjgheY7RBWxX43yk13-Fxsy31eu-uJ8nNgRdwUDgJfjbaW3Xb-RNvKW-iUXOy5vJKzKAf-szxDvA5CxAwv8JSc2ta9YbaaWvH0-I3C69ppdmvW07QEzizzH5Iig/s400/IMG_8631.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got to be in a show again!!! </td></tr>
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BUT very soon we will start a new year, and I love a new year. And in 2018 I will start a new lifestyle and work harder than ever at losing weight. My doctor said even if i didn't lose weight, he would do another transfer when I was ready. But I myself know that this is what I need to do. I am not trying to get to an ideal weight right now. I just want to try to lose a good amount of weight in 3 to 6 months before returning to IVF. Some have said, "so you're going to do it again?" as if that is completely insane. Yes. Yes, of course, we are going to do it again. We have four embryos left. Four precious embryos. Those are our babies!!! I desperately want our rainbow baby and I believe with all my heart that our baby (or babies!) is in that group of four.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaC3UyCrQZOf3ST_QsoMC_o-kigP9N-stgSaKJW5Y5bdoIk6ohegx4bPhHGlPRN8rQOy-nOGV4nVT4UjFf9y71Znuxf_PZqPq7A58U8mhPtzMnWy2653iE45ylr1-bGI08WH8EsyzjLMU/s1600/IMG_8663.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaC3UyCrQZOf3ST_QsoMC_o-kigP9N-stgSaKJW5Y5bdoIk6ohegx4bPhHGlPRN8rQOy-nOGV4nVT4UjFf9y71Znuxf_PZqPq7A58U8mhPtzMnWy2653iE45ylr1-bGI08WH8EsyzjLMU/s640/IMG_8663.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Amanda Blythe Photography </td></tr>
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So please pray for me as I press on & give my all once again to getting healthier. There are many reasons I've tried to lose weight in the past, and they're all good reasons. But right now I have one goal in mind. I covet your prayers.<br />
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In 2018 we will reach 7 years of trying to conceive. Also in 2018, I will turn 40. For me, this is our last year to give this a go. We are getting older and frankly, I am weary of the battle. I am ready to receive what I believe the Lord has for us. Over the past 7 years we have tried naturally, we have done temping and charting and tests and labwork. We have done 6 IUIs, 1 egg retrieval and 2 embryo transfers. I have had two early miscarriages. I am ready for all of that to be in the past and for 2018 to be the start of an entirely new journey for us... something I have looked forward to my entire life, even as a child: Motherhood.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfRbpj4SvQVYvLufTsYfyYTOuv7RFIzHzzTHhzzs6OobPLjG6HyzuB-kKZIpv7cWAFM7UT_F6DRaDKAVr8vhiQpvG2XxD4ZpqLqwDgxgPtVRwx13O9J-4_h2TCzQMoq3BRJUnPjY9BibQ/s1600/IMG_8623.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1349" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfRbpj4SvQVYvLufTsYfyYTOuv7RFIzHzzTHhzzs6OobPLjG6HyzuB-kKZIpv7cWAFM7UT_F6DRaDKAVr8vhiQpvG2XxD4ZpqLqwDgxgPtVRwx13O9J-4_h2TCzQMoq3BRJUnPjY9BibQ/s400/IMG_8623.JPG" width="336" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The night Brad came to see me in Sister Act. </td></tr>
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I hope to continue blogging but if the last year is any indication, you
should probably follow me on instagram if you want to follow along. I am
not sure how soon I will return to IVF but it is very likely that I
will instagram all about it when I do.<br />
<br />
Love you all! Thank you for your many prayers throughout our journey. Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-10817313883421238332017-04-21T22:01:00.003-05:002017-04-23T13:21:51.327-05:00Our IVF Journey {frozen embryo transfer #1} Well, hi! Apparently I left you all on a little cliffhanger there. Sorry about that! I just thought it was a good stopping point, but it seems people wanted the novel version. :) So here I am picking up where I left off in our IVF journey. (If you are just tuning in & missed part one, go ahead & read it <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2017/03/our-ivf-journey-egg-retrieval.html" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
Being a member of an infertility support group, I have heard a LOT about IVF over the years, straight from people who were in the thick of it. I heard about the painful shots. I heard about the insane cost of meds. I heard about the terrible side effects. And I heard about the frustrating setbacks. So I prepared myself for all of it. I wasn't excited about any of that, but I was prepared to do whatever I had to do. My support group girls gave me a ton of tips, and that helped tremendously.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpMoFU3R-ZSLoTMRpIQsu04wVPbfGctrkiISD64LhzH4Lxcg-ObCfW4CoI1gSEB1qYxOI6ORQNWDcSqTICTES3_j_rHDaRDLmUHYVzG4GIozPKx-DpbbVDnm2HqkvJY99C-lkRWs5nJvs/s1600/IMG_3173.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpMoFU3R-ZSLoTMRpIQsu04wVPbfGctrkiISD64LhzH4Lxcg-ObCfW4CoI1gSEB1qYxOI6ORQNWDcSqTICTES3_j_rHDaRDLmUHYVzG4GIozPKx-DpbbVDnm2HqkvJY99C-lkRWs5nJvs/s640/IMG_3173.JPG" width="480" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Preparing for the big PIO injection! I ended up not even needing the lidocaine patches or the heating pad, but I sure was glad to have it ready just in case. I did use several of my friends' suggestions and they helped so much!</td> </tr>
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All of that to say, the entire experience leading up to and including my egg retrieval was a much easier one than I anticipated. I did have a polyp on my uterus which required surgery. And Brad did have a scary result after our infectious disease tests (which turned out to be a false positive!). But after that it was pretty smooth sailing. Yes, it's a lot... the schedule of injections plus the constant appointments are just a LOT. But still, it wasn't as awful as I imagined. I didn't have any major side effects from the drugs. The shots didn't bother me. Even the dreaded PIO (progesterone in oil) shots before my transfer were fine! Every monitoring appointment (ultrasound and labs) leading up to my retrieval showed I was right where I needed to be. It went so well, far better than I expected. I felt extremely lucky and thankful. I know so many people who had a much worse experience with it all. And it isn't because I'm some kind of champ; it's just that everyone's body responds differently to this stuff.<br />
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxWI_zxTM8mpz2u7nb8-ww1oMwyihqBalqZX49nSju1xVDGrJfcPqnsTiRLiMwZI4ACtL8WR5L-jN7vXU-sx-OG3qQ8R3y5eYPfhDgt_L71un_eBlCyTGCS2K615ukLvhx0YB6obV9loQ/s1600/IMG_2766.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxWI_zxTM8mpz2u7nb8-ww1oMwyihqBalqZX49nSju1xVDGrJfcPqnsTiRLiMwZI4ACtL8WR5L-jN7vXU-sx-OG3qQ8R3y5eYPfhDgt_L71un_eBlCyTGCS2K615ukLvhx0YB6obV9loQ/s400/IMG_2766.JPG" width="400" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lupron injections to start things off! </td> </tr>
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEW7pNZdE6ZBCelfexKtF0ehT52zZBSjpBLvAOUXGYAWNbME51-AU5kB26cpnwM3onqStpK7KQ290T9jj_UwtZdB_bDBeCCr8B2hHEAWQR56hBFHjj0qV0klzGrSgLTVbM3lwzv4gX7o/s1600/IMG_2924.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEW7pNZdE6ZBCelfexKtF0ehT52zZBSjpBLvAOUXGYAWNbME51-AU5kB26cpnwM3onqStpK7KQ290T9jj_UwtZdB_bDBeCCr8B2hHEAWQR56hBFHjj0qV0klzGrSgLTVbM3lwzv4gX7o/s400/IMG_2924.JPG" width="346" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Patches that were traded out every few days. These were to stabilize my lining to be the ideal size for transfer.</td> </tr>
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieZXZVypj0Z5pd_63_MBeFsHPq7QZ3lHLbIBObh9ZSDbQXwLn29QDpaovDaiXXwL9PVs4i1FFbkz3yjdtwMynoitReedwlr4dj85GmqXgGJ4rC15fcCN0Rkha3TaxsDQpyloPlCW5yYUQ/s1600/IMG_3039.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieZXZVypj0Z5pd_63_MBeFsHPq7QZ3lHLbIBObh9ZSDbQXwLn29QDpaovDaiXXwL9PVs4i1FFbkz3yjdtwMynoitReedwlr4dj85GmqXgGJ4rC15fcCN0Rkha3TaxsDQpyloPlCW5yYUQ/s640/IMG_3039.JPG" width="480" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laying everything out for my early morning estradiol shot! </td> </tr>
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I keep going on and on, but what I am trying to say is that for me, the hard part of this wasn't the physical aspect. It was the emotional aspect after it was all over. It was the two week wait after my embryo transfer as I waited for results, and it was even the weeks <i>after </i>I got results, that really took a toll on me. I wasn't prepared for how much this would take out of me emotionally (although I don't think it's something you can really prepare for). And again, I'm not even talking about the process leading up to my egg retrieval. I am talking about the emotions that came into play after my egg retrieval and again after the embryo transfer. Both times were about waiting for results. And while my egg retrieval yielded good results with 8 high-grade embryos, it was still a nerve-wracking time, to say the least! The worst part for me, though, was waiting on results from my transfer to find out if I was pregnant or not. And what came after that is what I pray I never have to experience again. But I'm getting ahead of myself. <br />
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz9SI8lRR5ja1d1dyupA97W5efDYSndy7yABnEeFFXF6L9e6IsH4v6zIQSWBDwxVOTAAwR8sRRD4ioQN6sj1IBAexnHbIBLFVmPLGlRRxDlK3090QDGDxtuDNmz6e7aL-_N1Pr_EPI-84/s1600/IMG_2970.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz9SI8lRR5ja1d1dyupA97W5efDYSndy7yABnEeFFXF6L9e6IsH4v6zIQSWBDwxVOTAAwR8sRRD4ioQN6sj1IBAexnHbIBLFVmPLGlRRxDlK3090QDGDxtuDNmz6e7aL-_N1Pr_EPI-84/s400/IMG_2970.JPG" width="400" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is before my first estradiol valerate injection, and let's just say I saw the needle & was feeling a little anxious! </td> </tr>
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSmt-D0Y5aXJaepVzx4i7H-cR4-hdFDLHrTHtac3xR3hFHhSLb6eimmFhVvNEg1nMyPGelPP-yQLIj5ihzLUkwXoi5uMG6pepAK7Wj1V5AugG-0k_S2dvz6uA3rQJkwQMEcC_3MM6DjM/s1600/IMG_2956.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSmt-D0Y5aXJaepVzx4i7H-cR4-hdFDLHrTHtac3xR3hFHhSLb6eimmFhVvNEg1nMyPGelPP-yQLIj5ihzLUkwXoi5uMG6pepAK7Wj1V5AugG-0k_S2dvz6uA3rQJkwQMEcC_3MM6DjM/s400/IMG_2956.JPG" width="320" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at that needle! I was so proud of me! And really proud of Brad! I didn't even feel it! </td> </tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWvXYPeU-u75KAIqJG59A5ZhdGNtzZEKP9AH2xe_9iTIyPPETx1Sta0SQ1MR-Fn-8wcUylSWBGMdZ1IRjKkO7pOwGm3fv_xSUi8CUp5YfSNuKZKunHhdN4RfegIFzhT93cy9V1xOTupss/s1600/IMG_3194.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWvXYPeU-u75KAIqJG59A5ZhdGNtzZEKP9AH2xe_9iTIyPPETx1Sta0SQ1MR-Fn-8wcUylSWBGMdZ1IRjKkO7pOwGm3fv_xSUi8CUp5YfSNuKZKunHhdN4RfegIFzhT93cy9V1xOTupss/s400/IMG_3194.JPG" width="372" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad preparing my PIO injection. PIO day 3! He is a champ!</td></tr>
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Because of my doctor's wait list, my first embryo transfer wasn't until January. So there were two full months without that crazy appointment and injection schedule. When I started my period in January, I called my nurse and it all began again. Birth control pills (sounds counterintuitive I know), Lupron injections, estradiol patches, estradiol shots, and the lovely PIO, as mentioned above. I always thought all of that started at the same time, but there were a few days to get used to one drug before having to add the next one. I was happy about that.<br />
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiplq2C4a6LSCBqnFXKZZ_RsYyZw4pSkPDhuaDWLb3W3Wzspbqj48ee2laKQ0Yteq1gnC0hcuxU9yB7nfMYSsD5AecbP8ljP_Xw241cIHUMrOZzj_jWZMK_jI7JrK9BysbU12zQ4pLxI9I/s1600/IMG_3287.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiplq2C4a6LSCBqnFXKZZ_RsYyZw4pSkPDhuaDWLb3W3Wzspbqj48ee2laKQ0Yteq1gnC0hcuxU9yB7nfMYSsD5AecbP8ljP_Xw241cIHUMrOZzj_jWZMK_jI7JrK9BysbU12zQ4pLxI9I/s640/IMG_3287.JPG" width="480" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A picture of our embaby </td> </tr>
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On January 24th, we went in for the transfer! I was excited and nervous. We had a pair of embryos frozen to be transferred at the same time. I was worried about them surviving the thaw, but he came in and told me both survived the thaw beautifully. I breathed a sigh of relief. He had us sign some consents, and he gave us a picture of one of our embryos, our baby. Then the nurse came in and gave me a robe and Brad some scrubs.<br />
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYvj8n8pKFVDxB2TXXPj1vklCqGLbmqAcA3ebEmwKcYOSQlXrDNl8HKNw2oBGMNXvcsYTuG9NMvZyCIzPsP8fRgWgzBiRciahb0e3XruW2nHxsjR0tR8JEV3Bw_Z0pW-fukSsTAvaErDM/s1600/IMG_3284.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYvj8n8pKFVDxB2TXXPj1vklCqGLbmqAcA3ebEmwKcYOSQlXrDNl8HKNw2oBGMNXvcsYTuG9NMvZyCIzPsP8fRgWgzBiRciahb0e3XruW2nHxsjR0tR8JEV3Bw_Z0pW-fukSsTAvaErDM/s640/IMG_3284.JPG" width="480" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Could he be any cuter?! :) </td> </tr>
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgip_I5RINiCQ3ArzS28N1P6dzxll9ShyGTi5oqxtPRRlqC4N7v6by-vbjHB1drLnn6rieYM9hZVlmaMwWAXY1zPGDn_mAPGPkD5y68VaPZ5-z1wAPqupGhTH6SYzWdGJ8z8Y_8aYQ1Il8/s1600/IMG_3299.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="497" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgip_I5RINiCQ3ArzS28N1P6dzxll9ShyGTi5oqxtPRRlqC4N7v6by-vbjHB1drLnn6rieYM9hZVlmaMwWAXY1zPGDn_mAPGPkD5y68VaPZ5-z1wAPqupGhTH6SYzWdGJ8z8Y_8aYQ1Il8/s640/IMG_3299.JPG" width="640" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Excited and ready! </td> </tr>
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The transfer process is a lot different from the egg retrieval. Brad was able to go in with me, and I wasn't put under anesthesia for it. We went in a room that looked like an ultrasound room. I got set up in a chair/bed thing just like ones in an ultrasound room. The process itself is very quick and painless, much like an IUI. I could see on the screen when my little embryos dropped into my uterus. It was a surreal moment; it took my breath away. After it was done, the ultrasound tech and my doctor waited in complete silence for the embryologist to let them know it was a good transfer. The embryologist yelled through the connecting door, "all good!", everyone sighed with relief, and we were done. I was wheeled out again, and Brad drove us home. Actually, we stopped so he could run in and pick up Zoe's for lunch. I also talked him into running into Barnes & Noble next door to pick up a book I had been wanting! Thought it would help me pass the time during my two week wait. Not quite two weeks, and yet the most intense two week wait of this infertility journey so far. My doctor puts his patients on bed rest for three days after the embryo transfer. I was lucky to have visitors to help pass the time! The first week wasn't too terrible. The second week my emotions were all over the place. </div>
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<tr> <td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhDS0EiEdeCHz2-oSVUhgCjySC8dGCOAYpf4VAMW49i3oVbbTJ06eAlm3AVlUVTQnG50JElRgAh-4xOY4lkhvVYWEsvcBdq64gwXYqj6f9EyVNGm6_Ij7gO51pi-5LvtTjBAxHND_gS0/s1600/IMG_3108.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhDS0EiEdeCHz2-oSVUhgCjySC8dGCOAYpf4VAMW49i3oVbbTJ06eAlm3AVlUVTQnG50JElRgAh-4xOY4lkhvVYWEsvcBdq64gwXYqj6f9EyVNGm6_Ij7gO51pi-5LvtTjBAxHND_gS0/s640/IMG_3108.JPG" width="571" /></a></td> </tr>
<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stork socks from a sweet infertility sister & prayer partner... so cute! </td> </tr>
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<tr> <td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom & sister visit! </td> </tr>
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I am normally not one to take pregnancy tests at home. They're always negative, and that is just the worst. I would honestly rather find out I'm not pregnant by starting my period. However, my blood test was early Friday morning, meaning they would be calling me that afternoon with the results. I didn't want to find out at work if the results were negative. So I decided to take a pregnancy test the night before my beta. That way, if negative, I could react however I needed to react in the privacy of my own home. I grew antsy and ended up taking a test at home a day or two before I had planned. I was, in a word, terrified. Absolutely terrified. I can honestly say in all of my years of infertility, in all of my two week waits, and after all of my IUI procedures, I have never felt quite like <i>that</i>. I think because it felt like the closest we had ever been to our miracle. And I felt like if the results were negative, I would be sick to my stomach. I so desperately wanted this to be our YES. </div>
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I remember taking the test. Afterwards, I grabbed it without looking and got in bed so Brad could give me my PIO injection. He didn't know I had taken it. I gave it a few minutes then looked. I didn't see two lines. I felt my heart plummeting. I looked again about ten seconds later and saw a faint second line. So faint that I had to show Brad and get him to tell me if there was actually a faint line or if I was just imagining one. He confirmed there was indeed a second line. I texted a picture to my infertility sister Lindsay and she confirmed there was definitely a second line! I would not say I was excited at that point. I got excited yes, but the first emotions were more along the lines of shock and disbelief. But it kept sinking in deeper and deeper. I allowed myself to feel that joy, and of course I felt so thankful. Because I already had a miscarriage three years ago. Surely God wouldn't allow me to go through that again, would He? </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took this selfie the day before my blood test, because I was convinced I was pregnant and had no real reason to believe yet that I would miscarry. There are happy tears in those eyes & that is probably the biggest smile I've had in a long time. </td></tr>
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That Friday I went for my blood test. By this point, I had taken several home pregnancy tests, which all showed positive results. My nurse called that afternoon and told me I was indeed pregnant and that I needed to come back in a couple of days for another blood draw. That is nothing unusual, they do check every few days to make sure your hcg is doubling as it should. Then I asked her what my hcg level was. She said it was 31.6. My heart dropped. I said, "oh, that's not good is it?", and she assured me, "no, it's okay, it just needs to have doubled when you come back on Tuesday.". So I continued to hope and pray. I realized the embryo could have implanted late, as sometimes happens with frozen embryo transfers (as opposed to fresh). I got in touch with a friend who I had heard had an initial hcg of 20, but kept increasing, and she gave birth to a full term baby boy. She helped reassure me. We told our parents and siblings and a few friends we were pregnant. We were excited. I was still terrified, but had to believe the best. </div>
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That weekend was agony, as you can probably imagine. But I kept praying and trusting and hoping. This baby would be due in October, which is the same month our first angel baby was due. So to be pregnant again with a baby due at the same time, to me, felt like coming full circle. It felt like redemption. And yet, when I went back on Tuesday for another blood test, my hcg had dropped down to 24. I was thankful to receive that news on my lunch break. I had just sat down to eat when my phone rang. My nurse sounded heartbroken. She told me when to come back for another blood draw, because at that point they have to make sure it gets back to zero. I hung up the phone and the tears began to fall, as I felt a mixture of hurt, anger and heartbreak. I couldn't eat my lunch. I called Brad, and then I texted a few people who were waiting to hear. I couldn't call them because I knew if I had to say out loud what was happening, I would start sobbing. I had to go back to work, so I had to let them know but I couldn't talk about it. So I sent them a text telling them I was so sorry to have to tell them this but that the pregnancy wasn't viable. I told them I was sorry because these are people who want to be grandparents to our children and who want to be aunts to our children. It was a few friends who had been praying for me for this entire infertility journey. These are people who wanted this to be a viable pregnancy for me as badly as we wanted it. So I had to let them know and not keep them waiting. But then I got myself together and went back to work. I registered patients for the rest of the day while inside my heart was shattered. I texted the coworkers that knew so they would know without me having to say anything. I couldn't tell them even though they were there, because I had to keep it together. I had no paid time off to miss more work, so I had to just make it through the rest of the day. I don't remember that night though. I just remember crying all the way home. </div>
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Over the next few weeks my hcg would not drop to zero. It would go up and down and up and down again, but never up enough to show a viable pregnancy. It was strange, because when I miscarried three years before, my first hcg was high and it doubled every time just as it should. I didn't know then until an ultrasound that I would miscarry. And then once I miscarried, my hcg gradually and fairly quickly dropped to zero. But this time the number started low, so I thought getting to zero would be a quick process. But no. It wouldn't go down. I was concerned I would have to have surgery or be put on methotrexate injections, which I did not want to have to do. This is all a really hard reality when you are waiting to miscarry, because it feels impossible to move on emotionally when your body is stuck physically. They were concerned the embryo was stuck in my tubes. This process of waiting for my hcg to drop was as every bit as emotional and difficult as my wait to find out about our embryos after my egg retrieval and as my wait to find out if I was pregnant after the transfer. Different hard, but equally hard. I definitely grieved. And even as I write this, a few months later, when I am doing so much better spiritually and emotionally, reliving it as I write it brings it all back. It was hard and it is still hard and I am still grieving as anyone would. </div>
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So we are moving forward. The upside of all of this is that I do have remaining embryos, so I do not have to start all over. I have friends who have had to and are having to start all over with another egg retrieval because they had one embryo and their transfer didn't work. I never would want them to to think that I think my pain is in any way worse than their pain. It is all tremendous pain. So I am very thankful for our remaining embryos, and I hope and pray with all my heart that our next transfer will make us parents. I covet your prayers as well. </div>
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Today is Day 1 of National Infertility Awareness Week, so I will be posting about it throughout the week as much as I can. Usually when I write about our journey, I am asked why we don't consider adoption or surrogacy. While those are beautiful options, we are confident that we are walking this out exactly as the Lord has directed us to do. I do hope to share with you soon why we have chosen this route and why we are not taking other avenues in our journey to parenthood, if I can get up the courage. :) Love you all and appreciate you reading my story and praying for us. </div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-60225573051430001362017-04-19T22:28:00.002-05:002017-04-20T08:19:03.552-05:00Our IVF Journey {egg retrieval} <p>Well, it's been quite awhile since I've written anything here. Every time I go to write, I just don't know where to begin! I guess that's what happens when you stop blogging... life happens and then there is just so much to say, you can't figure out where to start! Last time I wrote was 8 months ago and that's just ridiculous. A lot has happened since then in our infertility journey. A LOT. A whole lot! So I thought I would start blogging again by updating you. If you want the bullet point version, feel free to click at the infertility tab at the top of my blog; I have updated it! But here I'll give you the long-winded version. :) </p>
<p>The last time I wrote about our infertility story was in April 2015. We had done 3 IUIs and had gotten pregnant on our third one after 3 years of trying to conceive. We were heading back for more treatment the last time I wrote. I did continue with IUIs, because honestly that is all we could afford. IVF was financially out of the question. And since our third IUI worked, we both felt strongly that it could happen again. So we did three more IUIs in the summer of 2015, and they all failed. </p>
<p>(IUI = Intrauterine Insemination. To put it simply, this is when they get a sample of the husband's sperm & inject it directly into the wife's uterus when she is ovulating. More details <a href="http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/iui/" target="_blank">here</a>.) </p>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">IVF consult, July 2016</td>
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<p>Fast forward to October of 2016. At this point, we had been trying to conceive for over five years. I was seeing a new doctor since mine had retired. When he told us my chances of success with IVF versus IUI, I started really desiring to do IVF - for the first time in our entire journey. I wasn't ready before, but suddenly I was, and God provided a way for us to do it at the same time. A few days after our consult, a close family member offered to pay for a round. To say this was a blessing is a huge understatement, and I definitely do not take it for granted! My insurance doesn't cover anything infertility-related, and it was hard enough saving money for each IUI. I know plenty of people who have had to take out loans, but that really wasn't an option for us. So we are truly thankful! We did end up paying a nice chunk of it out of our own pockets, but we never would have even gotten started if it wasn't for this person. So grateful! I fully believe this was God's plan for us, so He made it possible.</p>
<p>(IVF = Invitro Fertilization. This is when the eggs and sperm are put together and fertilized in a lab. That is extremely simply put because that's not what this post is about. I just am usually asked the difference when telling our story, so I thought I would include a quick definition. If you are interested, it explains it in more detail <a href="https://www.shadygrovefertility.com/treatments-success/advanced-treatments/in-vitro-fertilization-ivf" target="_blank">here</a>.) </p>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Surgery Day, October 3rd</td>
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<p>My doctor has his patients do a saline ultrasound before an IVF retrieval. At mine, a polyp was discovered on my uterus. He told me it was best to remove it surgically because it can interfere with implantation. Well, by all means! Don't want anything interfering with that! I had the surgery on October 3rd, and it went very smoothly. In surgery, he found multiple polyps that weren't seen on the ultrasound, all of which he removed. The surgery experience start to finish was a very positive one. I had never had surgery before, so I didn't know what to expect, but the nurses that took care of me were outstanding!</p>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shots Shots Shots! (Preparing for egg retrieval.)</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjOa2FtOov5Uut-NTghAOxEFhslsfyl-2CWJsCWcy30H7nL1uyaZgHABhfBvWAedaErHstVAeNmxwx4rFkA9tPJzbocncAIpHb-d6ozMF7Ljg0QF7yQhJJLxET5sd2AHAXS1aIuPzZaG0/s1600/IMG_1167.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjOa2FtOov5Uut-NTghAOxEFhslsfyl-2CWJsCWcy30H7nL1uyaZgHABhfBvWAedaErHstVAeNmxwx4rFkA9tPJzbocncAIpHb-d6ozMF7Ljg0QF7yQhJJLxET5sd2AHAXS1aIuPzZaG0/s640/IMG_1167.JPG" width="640"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots and lots of monitoring appointments to make sure your body is responding to the meds as it should.</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRx-HNKi9k8U2ya6fSyJIjnuiD39SyQiRJrJ9RBwkN-IevlcSxxDGLuQdw0zIyPQH7hHmw71U8TafMCfgo2jrbT3ohXqsFA0baru3d8pa402P18OZP02c7qV7YxZevKHV0bma76mg5Hl4/s1600/IMG_1531.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRx-HNKi9k8U2ya6fSyJIjnuiD39SyQiRJrJ9RBwkN-IevlcSxxDGLuQdw0zIyPQH7hHmw71U8TafMCfgo2jrbT3ohXqsFA0baru3d8pa402P18OZP02c7qV7YxZevKHV0bma76mg5Hl4/s640/IMG_1531.JPG" width="633"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I had planned for Brad to give me ALL my shots, I just didn't think I could give one to myself! But I had to work late once so I brought it to work with me! I was excited & proud of myself for getting it done without any trouble! Ha!</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis7aS5HuW4ZmeqbafKz_RDombdUZJ0eP1kjUqrzjngCWW4eUZoCevvWsRn7zkj8E02ZLon9Yl9eHqIlvMRmIfcFZy_J4NqHVAQq8iyByJFK13xPjIlX40dK7wkdz_rU8ovec_JqTO2ubA/s1600/IMG_1173.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis7aS5HuW4ZmeqbafKz_RDombdUZJ0eP1kjUqrzjngCWW4eUZoCevvWsRn7zkj8E02ZLon9Yl9eHqIlvMRmIfcFZy_J4NqHVAQq8iyByJFK13xPjIlX40dK7wkdz_rU8ovec_JqTO2ubA/s640/IMG_1173.JPG" width="640"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad was a champ in all of this! He gave me the majority of my shots & he always mixed up the menopur for me (shown here). I couldn't have done all of this without his help & support!</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdy_Rbn8NtD8D7k8YP1Dbn7MclA9C0-nqcdYXEv5IyExRcYvOAv8D5Q5hASbQmxENF2YVlCn6sii-W-wkjVZ_BOsav96VMO_hnPKI_qshZ723LPlAE1Drua8QMHqO15o9EHWJMOZRPRTE/s1600/IMG_1496.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdy_Rbn8NtD8D7k8YP1Dbn7MclA9C0-nqcdYXEv5IyExRcYvOAv8D5Q5hASbQmxENF2YVlCn6sii-W-wkjVZ_BOsav96VMO_hnPKI_qshZ723LPlAE1Drua8QMHqO15o9EHWJMOZRPRTE/s640/IMG_1496.JPG" width="640"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I once had to give myself a shot while at support group. I got my friend Lauren to join me for some moral support! And honestly, to make sure I was doing it right! I believe it was the menopur which requires mixing powders and such.</td>
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<p>In late October, I had my egg retrieval after weeks of shots! I was so nervous about it because at this point I was 38 years old, and I was well versed in how your age affects your eggs - both quantity & quality. My body had been responding so well to the drugs, but that didn't guarantee good eggs. So I was incredibly overjoyed and grateful when my doctor retrieved 15 eggs. When I was wheeled out of surgery in a wheelchair, my doctor was waiting & he said, "15?!!!" and gave me a high five. Felt good knowing he was as excited about that as we were! </p>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgogkPBXJHjkQDmNUR4ByJlKgt7cxPqRgVtjyJDDtaLkxRNqhLERlevwu4bAVbpFieq-1OUTlhrnCjI-Nt0gGK2T0Z7W45XoSBrJazi0RwONuDEEBYnBJq3wLphUiTb-KQUbsiykBx7J18/s1600/IMG_1549.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="510" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgogkPBXJHjkQDmNUR4ByJlKgt7cxPqRgVtjyJDDtaLkxRNqhLERlevwu4bAVbpFieq-1OUTlhrnCjI-Nt0gGK2T0Z7W45XoSBrJazi0RwONuDEEBYnBJq3wLphUiTb-KQUbsiykBx7J18/s640/IMG_1549.JPG" width="640"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Exciting night - I got the trigger shot. This is done when your body is ready for ovulation. The shot causes you to ovulate at the exact right time so that your eggs are being released when the doctor goes in to retrieve them.</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTzgW6UYszETN0cWtUG7k7P9NSSV6oBBKqGGachPy97WLGxqSqVTVsrP-TMxsU-irZG5-CWzZebHC6REbT3ViRQjdDT1i5bnRaB8mPwCn_MRB1-93EosYCW842FND86Dg1gNJOPQnpSA/s1600/IMG_1571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTzgW6UYszETN0cWtUG7k7P9NSSV6oBBKqGGachPy97WLGxqSqVTVsrP-TMxsU-irZG5-CWzZebHC6REbT3ViRQjdDT1i5bnRaB8mPwCn_MRB1-93EosYCW842FND86Dg1gNJOPQnpSA/s640/IMG_1571.JPG" width="512"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Egg socks for egg retrieval day! :)</td>
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<td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgep5VZkA30ESoaMzj7pNw7-WSi-mjUEi6jSD2zelBJ1qEZfNz5ISe_xW4VxniOCnPLv79kOv2dFCdFEv1W1g9gLF5dmXR_yxABmmgq69B1dlKR7JYCsmpCCqK4yaIODFATwLRu0sOCY00/s1600/IMG_1579.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgep5VZkA30ESoaMzj7pNw7-WSi-mjUEi6jSD2zelBJ1qEZfNz5ISe_xW4VxniOCnPLv79kOv2dFCdFEv1W1g9gLF5dmXR_yxABmmgq69B1dlKR7JYCsmpCCqK4yaIODFATwLRu0sOCY00/s640/IMG_1579.JPG" width="512"></a></td>
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<td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Retrieval day! </td>
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The next few days were full of anxiety and hope, as I waited to hear how my embryos were doing. And it's not like I was busy at work; my retrieval was on a Friday so I took the weekend to rest. So I was home with not a whole lot to do besides wait for the phone to ring! You cannot even imagine how this feels unless you have been through IVF. Not just infertility, but IVF. It's a whole new ballgame. I am not downplaying the emotions that play into IUIs because they're certainly real and intense too. But good grief. Waiting to hear results on your precious embryos is, in a word, terrifying. Those are your BABIES, and I don't think you realize the fullness of that until you are at that point. I remember they told me that I would hear from them on Saturday. When I didn't, I basically went hysterical. Ha. I laugh now but it's true, and it's not just me. They called me early Sunday morning at which point I cried from relief. It took five days to get our final results, with updates about every other day. Nerve-wracking is putting it lightly. But we ended up with eight high-grade frozen embryos. We were both thrilled with that number, and so incredibly grateful.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">To Be Continued...</span> </p>
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Sorry to end abruptly, but this is too long already and it's a good stopping point. Everything leading up to our egg retrieval went very well. Next I'll tell you about our first embryo transfer. Stay tuned! </div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-23995437331051144132016-08-10T15:58:00.000-05:002016-08-10T15:58:42.305-05:00Baby Steps 2016 | Team Believable | November 12, 2016<div data-contents="true">
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<span data-offset-key="71l49-0-0"><span data-text="true"><span style="font-family: inherit;">For the past three years, Brad & I have participated in an event that raises money for </span><a href="http://www.sarahs-laughter.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sarah's Laughter</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, spreads infertility awareness, and awards prizes such as a free IVF cycle & a $10k family building grant. For those who don't know, for every person who joins our team, we get an extra ticket in the IVF/$10k grant drawing. The more people on our team, the more chances we have of winning! Since insurance covers no part of fertility treatments, winning would obviously be a tremendous blessing! </span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It isn't just about winning, though. I have never felt more supported than I have felt on Baby Steps day. It is truly an amazing feeling to have family & friends show up to support you, your husband, and your dream to be parents! </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2FiIpkboZ3fw7QkvaNDj_SSahpypkwG-tjHkEmEHCw3mwn3QaNPQVpB5XJsX-MxClazVo6KKe2BON7gAWfU-loNN2Wu2ndjr7q3IhJz5j-q4khrCsBOAwumktgJLJ-8bs3fh-QGxGqU/s1600/BabySteps5k_0097_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2FiIpkboZ3fw7QkvaNDj_SSahpypkwG-tjHkEmEHCw3mwn3QaNPQVpB5XJsX-MxClazVo6KKe2BON7gAWfU-loNN2Wu2ndjr7q3IhJz5j-q4khrCsBOAwumktgJLJ-8bs3fh-QGxGqU/s640/BabySteps5k_0097_edited-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">US at Baby Steps 2014</td></tr>
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</span></span><span data-offset-key="71l49-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">We are hoping to have an even bigger team this year! I wanted to post about it on the blog to have a reference point to send people if they have questions about the race!</span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="71l49-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">IMPORTANT INFO: </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="71l49-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">When: Saturday, November 12th, 2016 in the morning</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Where: The Lamar Dixon Expo Center in Gonzales, Louisiana</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How: Join our team OR make a donation to Sarah's Laughter on behalf of our team!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf3EjgHtl1cHjwRtDLxr3gvI4P_yJpMWGxPndPQRMRhMtPQ2OrlK6XHi0SvUY-hT8opdE0f9_uWHgyzqAB8yAkOAMJWAWNNtxfYBHvdOwglMQhnJDgltdxGiu7Pqg5yh4Eu6poAcCiH3g/s1600/11219122_10156134125595018_2963355154863209263_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="509" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf3EjgHtl1cHjwRtDLxr3gvI4P_yJpMWGxPndPQRMRhMtPQ2OrlK6XHi0SvUY-hT8opdE0f9_uWHgyzqAB8yAkOAMJWAWNNtxfYBHvdOwglMQhnJDgltdxGiu7Pqg5yh4Eu6poAcCiH3g/s640/11219122_10156134125595018_2963355154863209263_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Team - Baby Steps 2015</td></tr>
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</span></span><span data-offset-key="71l49-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">We are going with the same team name as last year, because "believe" is my word, y'all! </span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="2rfep-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">TEAM BELIEVABLE</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="f8uj7-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">"For we know whom we have BELIEVED & we are sure that He is ABLE!" 2 Timothy 1:12 </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeKx7fMHkBPsR-VJ1TlryPl7DWrs2r1_aSfFmcSDtN0542RBvcFF88wDPstdA8PmJmoz2bs03doUX-J7xBj7Q74XGSAQcEEkj5PYTUEjNMn2R0u67-Td1vq8GeUYvAfHMXbdo7zA400iI/s1600/BabySteps5k_0199_edited-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="346" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeKx7fMHkBPsR-VJ1TlryPl7DWrs2r1_aSfFmcSDtN0542RBvcFF88wDPstdA8PmJmoz2bs03doUX-J7xBj7Q74XGSAQcEEkj5PYTUEjNMn2R0u67-Td1vq8GeUYvAfHMXbdo7zA400iI/s640/BabySteps5k_0199_edited-3.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My favorite pic from Baby Steps 2014. Nothing like having supportive girlfriends in your life! </td></tr>
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<span data-offset-key="7h8s8-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">A few differences from last year + answers to frequently asked questions: </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="b1enc-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">-It is a 1 mile fun run, not a 5k this year. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="9qkj7-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">-No, you do NOT have to run. You can walk it (with me)! </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="eb2do-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">-It is at the Lamar Dixon Expo Center in Gonzales, LA this year. This is so if we have a monsoon (like last year) we can move it indoors! </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ek9kk-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">-You do not have to attend for us to get our chance to win! (Although we would LOVE to see you there!) </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="aqvjb-0-0"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">-Your kids can come & they do not have to be registered. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">To join our team, go <a href="https://runsignup.com/Race/Register/RaceGroup-296637?raceId=11519" target="_blank">here</a>! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Make sure at the bottom, under "choose your events" it has Team Believable selected!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you are unable to attend, but want to help, you can either join our team as above, or simply donate to Sarah's Laughter on behalf of our team. For every $250 donated, we get 10 extra tickets in the drawing. To do that, go <a href="https://runsignup.com/Race/11519/Donate/grHyY1oilzMluf3a" target="_blank">here</a>!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oFW94rzv2OVYRENqbhfOVff1GxtfBUsL4JUveZFhErZZtLR10dvGFPGl4qqm_I4a6shZGPx3ZABlgdVTRAM4_rcgklx3pIq04et7X525dgCNiVrohcBnkmMaR0dAXDzLvnS21T47Tlw/s1600/BabySteps5k_0001_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oFW94rzv2OVYRENqbhfOVff1GxtfBUsL4JUveZFhErZZtLR10dvGFPGl4qqm_I4a6shZGPx3ZABlgdVTRAM4_rcgklx3pIq04et7X525dgCNiVrohcBnkmMaR0dAXDzLvnS21T47Tlw/s640/BabySteps5k_0001_edited-2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With our tickets for the drawing in 2014!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thanks so much for considering coming! If you are unable to be a part of it, of course we understand. We love and appreciate all of the love, prayers & support we have received for the past 5 years. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hope to see you there! </span></span></div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-5295505590154667402016-08-04T11:54:00.000-05:002017-02-18T21:07:41.204-06:00A Broken Truster, My Due Date & the Faithfulness of GodHard to believe, but it's true. Most of this post was written on what would have been my due date, October 23, 2014. Nearly two years ago. When I wrote it, I wasn't in a very good place. I was hurting. I felt completely broken and devastated. I kept it how it is because it's raw and real, and changing it to past tense takes away from that, I think. Thankfully, today I find myself in a much better place, a place of renewed hope and even excitement. I can't wait to share with you what God has been doing in my life. <br />
<br />
Today, however, I wanted to share this old post with you. I wanted to add an intro, finish it up, and hit publish. So as you read these words, just remember that a lot of this is my voice two years back. Doesn't mean things aren't still hard, but there are a lot more smiles than tears here lately. I mainly want to share this for the testimony at the end. I hope it speaks to your heart. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> * * * * * * *</span> </div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>February 17, 2014.</b> The day I found out we were actually, finally pregnant. After 3 years of trying, after countless doctor appointments, needles, & tests, and after 3 procedures, I was pregnant. It was all worth it now. The dream I'd had since childhood would finally be realized: I would be a mom in just 9 months. </div>
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I remember the absolute shock, disbelief, and then overwhelming JOY. I remember calling my sister. I remember running to Brad's parent's house and then mine to tell them the news. I remember telling the friends who had supported me most through my infertility journey. I remember downloading the pregnancy apps - yes, three of them. I remember writing my due date in my calendar. October 23. I would have a baby before Christmas! <br />
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I remember going in for our first ultrasound, only to find out that I was possibly having an ectopic pregnancy, and that all we could do was wait and see. I remember the nurse telling me to call them immediately if I had any pain or bleeding over the weekend, even if it was the middle of the night.<br />
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I remember the sick feeling I got. I remember being terrified. I remember the doctor leaving the room for a minute, and me looking at Brad and saying, "I cannot lose this baby. PLEASE do not tell me I am going to lose this baby!" I remember the panic. <br />
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I remember the weekend, and the peace that came in, like a wave washing over my fearful heart. I remember realizing that it was probably just too early, that I would go back in on Monday and everything would be fine. I remember going out for my birthday on Sunday, and being able to relax a little and enjoy the day, knowing everything was going to be okay. This had to be a mistake.<br />
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I remember waking up very early Monday morning with extremely painful cramping...and bleeding. I called my doctor. It was surreal. It felt like it was happening to someone else, and I was just watching it all unfold. He had me explain the kind of cramps I was having, and he said it sounded like a miscarriage, not an ectopic pregnancy. He told me to come in at 7 in the morning instead of my 8 o'clock appointment. I went in and it was confirmed. I was miscarrying.<br />
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I spent three days at home. I slept, I cried, I prayed, and I screamed. I was in so much pain, physically and emotionally. How could this have happened? Why? Why me? <br />
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I remember knowing some days would be harder than others ... days like Mother's Day. Days like my due date. <br />
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<br />
<b>October 23, 2014.</b> Today is my due date. I woke up and had a card from Brad. So sweet. I had a few texts from friends before I even got to work, to let me know they were praying for me. The workday was very busy, so it passed by quickly and I didn't really have to think too much about it being my due date. I also got some cards in the mail. After work, I went to support group, which I so desperately needed. I spilled my heart there. I spilled it all - everything I have been feeling about this path I am on. I left feeling like a weight had been lifted. Some of what I shared there I'm going to share with you.<br />
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I had a major breakdown on Monday. I had just left work, and nothing bad happened at work or anything, but the second I got in my car to leave, I felt such a heaviness. I cried the whole way home. I came home and cried myself to sleep. So broken. Tuesday and Wednesday were fine, and Thursday - my due date - went okay, too. This song was on in my car on my way to work & these lyrics speak to me so much right now. I posted this as my status on Facebook. I hesitated at first, but decided to go ahead and post it.<br />
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<b>Lord over all<br />
You will be my rescue<br />
You will never fail <br />
Lord, through it all <br />
I will choose to trust You <span class="text_exposed_show"><br />
You will never fail </span></b><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<b> --Kari Jobe </b><br />
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<b> My due date was today. And as much as I wish things had gone differently, and as much as my heart still feels completely shattered much of the time, I am choosing to believe in His word and His faithfulness. Prayers appreciated today.</b><br />
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My truster is broken. I said before that Kari Jobe talked at her concert about sometimes our truster is broken - we cannot trust God - and that is a tough place to be as a Christian. And she's right, it's tough. It is where I am right now. I feel like I can be open and honest here, so you might want to run if you don't want to know how I really feel. But I feel like He let me down. I feel like He gave me a baby only to snatch it away. I feel hurt by Him. Don't worry or freak out. It's okay for me to say this, He isn't going to strike me dead. Don't you think He knows how I feel anyway? He does. He knows, and He understands.</div>
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And don't worry. I can say all I want that He let me down, that I don't trust Him right now, and even while I say it, I know He is good. I know He is faithful. It's just that trust is earned and when you feel like someone broke your trust (even if you're wrong), you have to work on being able to trust again. So yeah, I am choosing to trust Him, no matter what. This isn't a blind faith... this isn't me trusting in something that isn't true. I already know it's true. I've already seen Him at work. I already know He is writing my story, and He is <i>the best</i> storyteller. I am just telling you where I am right now in that story. Right now, I feel He has let me down. Right now, I'm not angry at Him, just disappointed. Let down. And you know, brokenhearted. Devastated. I wasn't exaggerating in my facebook status when I said my heart feels shattered most of the time. If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll probably say fine, because what am i supposed to say? "My heart is breaking"? This is too hard. <br />
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Seeing pregnancy updates from people also due in October has been hard for me. Because I know that's where I should be. Oh, I would be finding out the baby's gender now, oh we would be having our baby shower about now, oh, we would probably be doing maternity photos now too. But October 23: We should be having our baby right about now. <br />
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I try not to think about it too often. Infertility, my miscarriage - those things are never off of my mind, but I can't let myself think too long about What Could Have Been/What Should Have Been. I try not to think about the fact that if things had been different, I would have a baby right now. If I think about it too long, I get sad. I get resentful. I get angry.<br />
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This is the most difficult thing I have ever walked through! It is devastation. It is grief. It is uncertainty. It is PAIN, so much pain, pain that chokes you, that overwhelms you. Some days, the pain feels like something really heavy is sitting on my chest. Some days I see someone's status of happy mommy/baby things & it makes me smile. Other days it makes me weep.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* * * * * * *</span> </div>
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But there is something else. My testimony. You see, I never had the story that some former "rebels" have. I never had that testimony of "I committed all these terrible sins and then I met Jesus and I never turned back". I met Jesus when I was 5. I loved Him then. I started following Him then. And I FULLY surrendered (knowing what that meant) around age 16. So I never had what people would call an earth-shaking, incredible testimony. Nothing wrong with those, those are awesome, but at times I felt like mine was nothing in comparison. Thankfully, I came to understand that I did have a pretty awesome testimony. It goes like this: For many many years, throughout my teens and early twenties, I was unhappy. Not just unhappy, though. I was broken. I was hurting. I had low self-esteem, I hated myself, I was afraid of everything. But GOD suddenly came in & rescued me, He set me free, He turned my sorrow into complete & utter JOY. He filled my heart with joy, and I was never the same. And He showed me this verse, which became my testimony verse:<br />
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<b>"For you turned my wailing into dancing</b><br />
<b>You removed my sackcloth & covered me with joy</b><br />
<b>That my heart may sing to You and not be silent. </b><br />
<b>Oh, Lord, my God, I will give you thanks forever."</b><br />
<b>-Psalm 30:11-12</b><br />
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That was MY verse. It was my testimony. I shared it, I believed in it passionately. THIS is what God can do for you - give you SO MUCH JOY! It was my story.<br />
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And then God did it for me again. I was single for all of my twenties. It was just fine for me, in fact, I had kind of a soapbox about how much better it was to be single anyway...until i reached about 26...and then I was over it. I wanted a husband. <i>Give me a husband already!!!! </i>I would say to God. He didn't. I spent my twenties a single woman, and in my late twenties all i wanted was a husband. Around 28, I was so frustrated with this. I begged God to bring me a husband. I felt so alone and I felt that I needed that person in my life. I remember when Brad came back into my life after 11 years. I was 29, so of course it crossed my mind that maybe God was bringing him back into my life for a reason. I remember when, after the third date after all those years, walking away realizing it was not going to happen. Good of him to see if there was something there, but we were clearly headed down two different paths and it wasn't going to work. I remember being upset about it, and frustrated with God. I mean, it's one thing for me to still be single, but to wait until I am really just crying out for a partner in life, and then bring back my first boyfriend, my first and only love? Only to take him away again? Not to sound ridiculous, but I truly felt like the dog who has someone dangling a treat in front of his face only to yank it away. Like I was being teased and not in a funny way. Why bring Brad into my life if it isn't going to work anyway? Just to take him away again? Why would you do that to me, God? Why would you hurt my heart that way? On purpose! <br />
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Well, you know what happened? I remember telling my roommate how I felt, but then just a few weeks later, she came home from a date and peeked in my bedroom where I was sitting on my bed with my laptop. I had just read an email from Brad, the third in a series of back and forth emails. She asked how my night was, and I looked away from the computer screen and up at my roommate in shock, because I had just realized that God was answering my prayer. I said, "Aimie. I'm going to marry this man. He's the one." She probably thought I was crazy, since I had just recently told her it wasn't happening! Ha! What followed that night was such complete joy, a beautiful love story that only God could write, and a marriage that has been far more than I had ever dreamed of or imagined.<br />
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So after all of this... after our years of infertility but before my miscarriage...one day I was listening to a song that reminded me of the scripture verses above. <i>For you turned my mourning into dancing... </i>I remembered these situations in my life where God turned my sorrow into joy. And I very strongly felt that God spoke to my heart right then by saying, "What I did before, I will do again. What I was faithful to do before, I will be faithful to do for you again." That was it. But it was clear. In that moment He gave me the strength to continue believing and a peace in knowing that He is going to answer our prayers. And I know He is. That was more than two years ago, but I am reminded of it every time I want to give up. And if you have ever wondered why we don't just give up, thinking obviously parenthood isn't in the cards for us, here's your answer. I'm not giving up any time soon. He is going to give me my miracle. Faithful He has been. Faithful He will be.<br />
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I don't write these things for me. I hope people read them and whether it is infertility or something else, I hope they can see the goodness of God at work, and believe Him for miracles in their own stories and in their own situations. He is faithful. Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-6962996925435288482016-07-27T23:02:00.002-05:002016-07-27T23:02:06.892-05:00I Did This Thing! (Sarah's Laughter stuff) I feel like I have so much to share that is going on in the Sarah's Laughter world!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnAKn3HkbEmAbvW2lFG0jDWuJJPDpA3ctbHOOObQxCAKo6M7rVLoNafvKDFtTi1ZCaw5-lJEEjcEl030sUlLOdddF47Zuo55puioICSc5jsm5RUwKdbnRHyS_HWNT7hpwj-8-__RCnUc/s1600/blogger-image-1424212335.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnAKn3HkbEmAbvW2lFG0jDWuJJPDpA3ctbHOOObQxCAKo6M7rVLoNafvKDFtTi1ZCaw5-lJEEjcEl030sUlLOdddF47Zuo55puioICSc5jsm5RUwKdbnRHyS_HWNT7hpwj-8-__RCnUc/s640/blogger-image-1424212335.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of my Sarah's Laughter girls! </td></tr>
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For those who don't know what <a href="http://www.sarahs-laughter.com/index.html" target="_blank">Sarah's Laughter</a> is (& I am guessing since I am extremely vocal about infertility/support group/Sarah's Laughter, that this would only be people who accidentally find this post by googling something!), Sarah's Laughter is a ministry that helps women (& men!) who are going through infertility, or facing miscarriage or infant loss.<br />
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So let's get right to it. <br />
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First of all, I DID A PODCAST! What? Do you listen to podcasts? I didn't either until Sarah's Laughter started recording them. A bunch of current & past members of Sarah's Laughter support group recorded one to share their story & they have been releasing them on Mondays. They are so good & worth listening to whether you are going through infertility yourself or know someone going through it and want to understand their situation better.<br />
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My friend, <a href="https://thestickles.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Mary Claire</a>, <strike>asked me</strike> told me we were going to record a podcast together. Beth and Jason had already begun recording them, and I wasn't even considering volunteering myself. I thought it would be one of those things that makes me nervous, like an audition or an interview. But Mary Claire sweetly insisted. And she really didn't have to twist my arm. I thought at least it wouldn't be by myself. We would be doing one together! We did it and it was so much fun! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me, Mary Claire & Beth, ready to go!</td></tr>
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Mary Claire was my first support group friend. We met at an infertility workshop (put on by Sarah's Laughter) in 2013 & started attending group after that. We were instant friends, close friends, I basically felt like someone had cut off my right arm if I was at a meeting that she couldn't make. But usually we were both there. We hit it off, and she is one of the reasons I am thankful for infertility. She is my soul sister & my worship buddy. After going to group together for almost two years, Mary Claire conceived twins. Our podcast is about how our friendship remained strong after she "graduated" from group while I continued to struggle with infertility.<br />
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You can download our podcast <a href="http://podcast.sarahs-laughter.com/" target="_blank">here</a>, and all of the other posts that have been recorded so far are there also!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* * * * * * * * * * * * </span></div>
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Let's see, what else? Well. Sarah's Laughter is putting on an infertility workshop in a month, and GUESS WHO THE GUEST SPEAKER IS??? (Sorry to shout.) It is Elisha from <a href="https://waitingforbabybird.com/" target="_blank">Waiting for Baby Bird</a>. Yes, I'm serious. Some of you are wishing you could attend, some of you are wondering who that is, which is shocking to me, because she is basically a celebrity. But anyway... if you are going through infertility, go to her <a href="https://waitingforbabybird.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>, or go to her <a href="https://www.facebook.com/waitingforbabybird/?fref=ts" target="_blank">facebook</a>, because she basically spews out loving, encouraging, powerful words all day long. I am so thankful for this girl who I have never met BUT WILL GET TO MEET IN A MONTH! (Again, sorry to shout. I'm just excited!)<br />
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I also just realized I say "basically" a lot. Ha! <br />
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Pssst. You can come too. Sign up <a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/sarahs-laughter-infertility-support-workshop-tickets-26080760256" target="_blank">here</a> and come down to Louisiana! :)<br />
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I guess the last thing is that <a href="http://www.babystepsfunrun.com/" target="_blank">Baby Steps</a> is coming up. That is the 5k I participated in last year and the year before. It is a WONDERFUL event that helps raise infertility awareness, and honestly we have felt SO supported in our journey on that day. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First Baby Steps 5k - 2014</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2nd Annual Baby Steps - 2015</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I haven't set up my team yet, but there are a few changes for this year's Baby Steps. I wanted to give you a heads up! First of all, it will be in Gonzales, not Baton Rouge. I really hope this doesn't keep you from joining us! It will be held at the Lamar Dixon Expo Center, mainly because there is a covered area in case of a downpour (so we aren't all huddled under someone's tent we don't even know, like last year!). Another difference is that it is a 1 mile Fun Run, not a 5k. And no, you do NOT have to run. Most people don't, honestly. I sure won't be. Haha! </div>
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The other main difference is that this year we really do want to win the $10,000 grant for fertility treatments or the IVF giveaway (assuming that is still one of the prizes; it hasn't been announced yet). That's not to say we didn't want to win last year or the year before, but at those events I was not thinking IVF would be our path. I thought if we won, then we would take it as a sign! I truly felt God would choose the right winners and I know He did. This year, I still will be fine with whoever wins. God is in control, and He will bless the person that He sees fit! However, since IVF *IS* our path now, I would be thrilled to win. God will pick the winner, but I would love for it to be us. :) This year, it is our plan, and we are moving forward, and to win would be a huge blessing! So if you want to come... I will be sharing more details later. It is November 12th, so mark your calendars! </div>
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I guess that's it for now, but I do have a lot on my mind that I have been wanting to share! Stay tuned! </div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-92197471489746128612016-07-05T16:49:00.001-05:002016-07-05T16:49:55.622-05:00Current EverythingI know, I know. I never blog anymore. Life is fun and full, there is not much time left to blog! One of these days I will do a real update. But for now, how about a little list?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">CURRENTLY</span></div>
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<b>READING </b>... Holding onto Hope, by Nancy Guthrie<br />
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Y'all. This book was recommended to me by a girl who spoke at our infertility support group last month. She said she read it over and over throughout her years of infertility and loss. A bunch of girls from the group immediately got a copy & started reading. We are going to get together and have a sort of book club to discuss it next week! I am absolutely loving this book. It is really speaking to me, comforting me and at the same time, it is stepping on my toes a bit! Very very good read, and I highly recommend it if you are going through infertility, loss, or any other trial really. <br />
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<b>WATCHING </b>... Awhile back I asked on Facebook for a good show on Netflix. Wow, I don't think I have ever received so many comments on a Facebook status! I added all of the recommendations to my list on Netflix. I don't know if I will ever watch them all, there are so many! I started with Damages. I watched the first two seasons, then moved on to Broadchurch, which was probably the most recommended show. LOVED Broadchurch. There are only two seasons out, so I finished that one pretty quickly. I went back to Damages, and now I am on Season 3. It is really good! Keeps you on your toes. Very suspenseful, somewhat disturbing, and a little bit of back and forth (between past & present). I really like it, though. <br />
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<b>TRYING </b>... to drastically cut sweets, to track everything in my weight watchers app, and to start exercising! I give myself a C, an A, & an F. Must get it together! </div>
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<b>COOKING </b>... new recipes. <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/150518812524703023/" target="_blank">Southwestern Chicken Burrito Bowl</a> is a new favorite around here! Delicious! I can't wait to make it again!<br />
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<b>EATING </b>... nothing at the moment. <br />
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<b>DRINKING </b>... water at the moment. <br />
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<b>TEXTING </b>... nobody currently, but most days it is either Mandy, <a href="http://www.tricianaeblog.com/" target="_blank">Tricia</a> or Amanda! <br />
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<b>PINNING </b>... dinner recipes, constantly.<br />
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<b>ANTICIPATING</b>... meeting Elisha from <a href="https://waitingforbabybird.com/" target="_blank">Waiting for Baby Bird</a>! I am so excited, y'all. Elisha is one of my very favorite bloggers, her heart for encouraging women going through infertility is a beautiful thing. Her writing has encouraged me SO MUCH, I can't even tell you (me and everyone else who enjoys her posts!). Sarah's Laughter (the ministry that holds the support group I go to) is having an infertility workshop, and they asked Elisha to be the guest speaker. OH MY GOSH! I cannot wait to meet her in real life! (If you want to attend this workshop, there is more information <a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/sarahs-laughter-infertility-support-workshop-tickets-26080760256" target="_blank">here</a>!) <br />
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<b>GOING </b>... to do jury duty next week, for the first time, and I'm a little excited! Is that weird? Haha! I have always wanted to, I have no idea why. At the same time, I hope it doesn't drag on for several days, because I have a family member who is having surgery and I need to be there! <br />
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<b>LOVING </b>... a lot of things lately...<br />
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- my sweet husband! Always a given, but he is so sweet & so funny! He makes me laugh every day!<br />
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-my parent's pool! Been swimming lately & I LOVE IT.<br />
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-Kevin Murphy's Hair Resort! I got a sample from my salon, and pretty sure I will be buying the whole bottle next time. I'm in love with it.<br />
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- my new haircut! Although it never looks as cute as this picture (because the pic was taken right when I got home from the salon!) I still just love it. It feels so much better, and I love that if I'm in a hurry, I can just throw some Hair Resort in, and let it dry naturally! Best haircut ever! Thank you, Salon Aerie in Baton Rouge! </div>
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<b>THINKING </b>... that fourth of July weekend was a BLAST - and not long enough!</div>
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<b>FEELING </b>... such a pull to draw nearer to God. He is everything, and He is the only one who can help me through infertility and through a stressful situation at work. The ONLY one. How can I really trust Him if I do not spend more one on one time with Him? This is what is on my mind constantly. He is my rock. I need to spend personal regular time in worship, in reading His word & in prayer. I do these things, but it isn't consistent, and it needs to be. <br />
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<b>HOPING </b>... to lose weight before we begin our next steps in this infertility journey. Next Steps = IVF for us. Yep. Also hoping to have a good team this year for Baby Steps 2016! <br />
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<b>LISTENING </b>... to a lot of Kari Jobe and Lauren Daigle lately. Also, the <a href="http://podcast.sarahs-laughter.com/" target="_blank">Sarah's Laughter podcasts</a>! They are great! Just listened to the current one this morning. They are interviews with current and past members of the infertility support group I have been attending the last few years. (I recorded one with my friend Mary Claire! Probably will be up in a few weeks!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUTRAYbb1pB7tWxGUffatyaorVKt8sUN9DyvaIpot9QqO6ArKvDFN5Elz6hLWt1ML1WjZFZUdAMt4Lr4uywPDo6JGot27cz9xKgpflpw9OZuUz9RrpDgEYzImUjAMjBXi18wINvj1kLA0/s1600/blogger-image--2024039109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUTRAYbb1pB7tWxGUffatyaorVKt8sUN9DyvaIpot9QqO6ArKvDFN5Elz6hLWt1ML1WjZFZUdAMt4Lr4uywPDo6JGot27cz9xKgpflpw9OZuUz9RrpDgEYzImUjAMjBXi18wINvj1kLA0/s1600/blogger-image--2024039109.jpg" /></a><b>CELEBRATING </b>... Independence Day! ... yesterday. :)</div>
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<b>ORDERING </b>... I ordered a photo book of my 2015 Project 365! I took a picture a day last year, and each day, I posted my pic-of-the-day in an album on Facebook. Well, I ordered a book of all 365 pics! Pretty excited for it to come in! I actually am posting them on Instagram this year (as well as Facebook), so that I can possibly order a chatbook next year. Has anyone ordered chatbooks?! Thoughts? <br />
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<b>THANKING </b>... God for blessing me with so many true friendships. FOR REAL.<br />
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<b>CONSIDERING </b>... Getting an Emily Ley planner for next year. Deep, right? I just love the new designs! Especially the floral one! </div>
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<b>STARTING </b>... to get tan? Maybe? If I keep on swimming, it could happen! <br />
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<b>FINISHING </b>... this post so I can get going! Bye for now!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What are you up to these days?!</span></div>
<br />Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-33995900973852758872016-05-02T22:59:00.000-05:002016-05-02T22:59:32.007-05:00Sarah's Laughter Brunch for NIAW This Saturday, Sarah's Laughter held a brunch for ladies going through infertility. (Sarah's Laughter is the ministry that holds the support group I regularly attend.) We were told we could invite friends or family members who have been a support to us on our journey. It was the last event in a series of events put on for National Infertility Awareness Week. It was wonderful! <br />
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It was held at Nottoway Plantation in White Castle, Louisiana.<br />
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My mom joined me and we had a great time.<br />
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It was mostly support group friends, current ones and ones who have graduated. I made a couple of new friends, too! <br />
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So many girls brought their moms, sisters, or friends.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jenni with her mom, Dianne </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chipley, with her mom and sisters </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Patricia with her mom</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP6LzJfeXWKuCZPKprMorBYlV8V_EaNw5YU-iHfYT1Pcf7eULmoDuv4KwI6-C_m32k-ZsIgmjtuvY0PZtUiViwxtVIjbfMfWsJX13QTujG8iXsBaqFD9NLul3tBFGPQoMiFvUhy2NSay8/s1600/022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP6LzJfeXWKuCZPKprMorBYlV8V_EaNw5YU-iHfYT1Pcf7eULmoDuv4KwI6-C_m32k-ZsIgmjtuvY0PZtUiViwxtVIjbfMfWsJX13QTujG8iXsBaqFD9NLul3tBFGPQoMiFvUhy2NSay8/s640/022.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holly with her mom and sister</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCgsNWlUsnJnCR5zFbfedWZumzKvUwF5T65LRL4vC8BpW0255L59fHL7pOqkyCLMrcDWtd9SypOgpfxx-tzT7EqnnAxFsJDsk2zdRXhubYwlqdMuZArkc68AUV7ctI1me3JAC-tOnUKew/s1600/026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCgsNWlUsnJnCR5zFbfedWZumzKvUwF5T65LRL4vC8BpW0255L59fHL7pOqkyCLMrcDWtd9SypOgpfxx-tzT7EqnnAxFsJDsk2zdRXhubYwlqdMuZArkc68AUV7ctI1me3JAC-tOnUKew/s640/026.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mary Claire & her mom, Claire</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEki-4IOeFoPLWfjTT_uE4q9IpGQZi_8-baQt9MaBLIOdsKKacCcPzIo82MwEbTG6LYuGBYWS4oygUb-41oNodw3cELnEAKq5lwvZkojNJryAZGYwj59ES6HF-fUwlqg8BfDScm_wje7g/s1600/014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEki-4IOeFoPLWfjTT_uE4q9IpGQZi_8-baQt9MaBLIOdsKKacCcPzIo82MwEbTG6LYuGBYWS4oygUb-41oNodw3cELnEAKq5lwvZkojNJryAZGYwj59ES6HF-fUwlqg8BfDScm_wje7g/s640/014.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bridgette (floral top) & Madison (navy dress) with their moms and a cousin (hopefully I got that right!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMs0qImt4dIfDpSxy39jujuYxqHyJA88RXqxLkHaalYGEtnUsqMSMLmuThLs_eCI4ihdciOGb1QHg6Mf_sex_UK1S_f8tfjP1CitJcjGC9oH90pMW_BhkVa2-MUITRsW0TzCBC4d4-gF0/s1600/029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMs0qImt4dIfDpSxy39jujuYxqHyJA88RXqxLkHaalYGEtnUsqMSMLmuThLs_eCI4ihdciOGb1QHg6Mf_sex_UK1S_f8tfjP1CitJcjGC9oH90pMW_BhkVa2-MUITRsW0TzCBC4d4-gF0/s640/029.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Margo with her mom and a whole bunch of her family!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We had brunch which was delicious! We also had a few short speeches. Christina opened in prayer. Sherri read Lavender, a story Beth wrote. (Beth is the
heart and soul behind Sarah's Laughter. She is currently in the hospital
with her daughter. More on that later.) It was so great having her read
that since Beth couldn't be there and was missed very much! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic6oA9L8uxDQFkaTlivNJ97qhUmojUJ7LZHx0x3gx0v1fpA1v1lUNQCVnQQbGeacfpo753fu_TI3fkOqEh4xe3F8mNnrFTDys1kjXHoflbt1zqikotCK74Wsb9O_VcTGiQFsZJbFpdMzI/s1600/028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic6oA9L8uxDQFkaTlivNJ97qhUmojUJ7LZHx0x3gx0v1fpA1v1lUNQCVnQQbGeacfpo753fu_TI3fkOqEh4xe3F8mNnrFTDys1kjXHoflbt1zqikotCK74Wsb9O_VcTGiQFsZJbFpdMzI/s640/028.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
After Sherri spoke, Margo, Mary Claire, and Leah all spoke. They all did an absolutely phenominal job. I was so proud of Margo and Mary Claire! They made me cry! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5OZchOTxaJXoO6o99ibC-FBwoBm9bowN0_Ml2AEnOkwCKweXbYOpkEnyWNsCmYbKcRuc4NrQcaK7FixT63tTEck17GvyJgEU_r9cWONco8AbMVG-4aqFJ-tl86EG_kEfmIOYysDHz1CU/s1600/IMG_7907.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5OZchOTxaJXoO6o99ibC-FBwoBm9bowN0_Ml2AEnOkwCKweXbYOpkEnyWNsCmYbKcRuc4NrQcaK7FixT63tTEck17GvyJgEU_r9cWONco8AbMVG-4aqFJ-tl86EG_kEfmIOYysDHz1CU/s640/IMG_7907.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sherri | Margo | Mary Claire</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Afterwards, we just mingled for awhile, or bid on items for the silent auction to benefit Sarah's Laughter. It was so great being with these friends... support group friends who have been such an important part of my life for the past few years. It was good seeing old support group friends who I haven't seen in awhile too! Beyond blessed to have these women in my life!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbTkwsQTI0VrrZKO7SPVh3RjYelRPgQgD6I7_nL1eP2KNRfU0svfm5_Y1Rzchyv-sKgzTobfltYvLOxqEMN628KmGhl9yXDNrN3C7GuJj-7z_MTHoLQIwRTZ6lY3_Xj5H586_C90JSYqE/s1600/007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbTkwsQTI0VrrZKO7SPVh3RjYelRPgQgD6I7_nL1eP2KNRfU0svfm5_Y1Rzchyv-sKgzTobfltYvLOxqEMN628KmGhl9yXDNrN3C7GuJj-7z_MTHoLQIwRTZ6lY3_Xj5H586_C90JSYqE/s640/007.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emily & Allison</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9US9rx6F3eazg_AAkUHDMjulRCQFgoSWFgtbrX5nVulU_Eu94ZgF5ofwtg4sRcGnjhKsd_LHJO1lpQD5lIU2p7wrGTYWkZTMF445CsL3RksLDW0WAd6JE19cEAoeq5FIucZvKpqN8lQs/s1600/025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9US9rx6F3eazg_AAkUHDMjulRCQFgoSWFgtbrX5nVulU_Eu94ZgF5ofwtg4sRcGnjhKsd_LHJO1lpQD5lIU2p7wrGTYWkZTMF445CsL3RksLDW0WAd6JE19cEAoeq5FIucZvKpqN8lQs/s640/025.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Mary Claire </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpdFRw2Enc-IDD7tyygwJQQ7RHbzuHwyzLmqfb84rxe4j0Cr_K6BbkpXqhFjFgXW0M4Wjvj3Zd4TdM6NqvUADm79Su0Ac0QbvkWBaCeSKXnrkY_Vh-JSUQBfec9_9hdvlgKNwGgFSNMl8/s1600/030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpdFRw2Enc-IDD7tyygwJQQ7RHbzuHwyzLmqfb84rxe4j0Cr_K6BbkpXqhFjFgXW0M4Wjvj3Zd4TdM6NqvUADm79Su0Ac0QbvkWBaCeSKXnrkY_Vh-JSUQBfec9_9hdvlgKNwGgFSNMl8/s640/030.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two of my very first support group friends, now both moms to twins. :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ9wai4qZDDGzR3cZ0-ZIcPtOnIweI2pleLxfXreTzZffarMk7brzZgqydoenN2de7mmNfkfeSQa44ZG_v2JZ6QqusMBv2V1Q8g_tD4tMOfTiwyHNqBwUZzy-R-cNv-pSflno8JWGjNPE/s1600/037.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ9wai4qZDDGzR3cZ0-ZIcPtOnIweI2pleLxfXreTzZffarMk7brzZgqydoenN2de7mmNfkfeSQa44ZG_v2JZ6QqusMBv2V1Q8g_tD4tMOfTiwyHNqBwUZzy-R-cNv-pSflno8JWGjNPE/s640/037.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holly, Margo, Mary Claire & me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBy0ulWxurzi8eHYL_oQGwpdfANBZNMniKJqficv9OAadZJmnA-eUKEECrJDSzPF6pu3lU_WZrOzHL4WXA1DlX7DXwebJSRdT79M7m3k83DADW8B_xL0wm2R6Da6AD813TpMkOGXA65Sw/s1600/038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBy0ulWxurzi8eHYL_oQGwpdfANBZNMniKJqficv9OAadZJmnA-eUKEECrJDSzPF6pu3lU_WZrOzHL4WXA1DlX7DXwebJSRdT79M7m3k83DADW8B_xL0wm2R6Da6AD813TpMkOGXA65Sw/s640/038.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Katie, Lauren & Margo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZSt6ilpCKn4y7vxBbJnBrggh-tbdudrRst-unAMYTnm2pSkALyL-gtsTihLjuHGkkCsuT2h5hyRXNswnKjOz98euFtuB5AeWyMxIl_WFccD0QfpdPf_kBylIN9zvG263BTNd_oM4IwpM/s1600/039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZSt6ilpCKn4y7vxBbJnBrggh-tbdudrRst-unAMYTnm2pSkALyL-gtsTihLjuHGkkCsuT2h5hyRXNswnKjOz98euFtuB5AeWyMxIl_WFccD0QfpdPf_kBylIN9zvG263BTNd_oM4IwpM/s640/039.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mary Claire & Patricia</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It was a great event! So thankful to those who worked so hard to make it happen. Loved seeing everyone and visiting. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_ACeIPGKkHA0qIhSm0Xu_nLAW6QHq25qeDB02BAx_mCJ8aK8P5TOpMSU_p3r9ZWnUFHUG-DuECstEM0-XqFgdVKLAVceua5ar9HZsqU53HBxH1bTOaCgCdfkzPXSiPOGNnOHdFpkSKw/s1600/036.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_ACeIPGKkHA0qIhSm0Xu_nLAW6QHq25qeDB02BAx_mCJ8aK8P5TOpMSU_p3r9ZWnUFHUG-DuECstEM0-XqFgdVKLAVceua5ar9HZsqU53HBxH1bTOaCgCdfkzPXSiPOGNnOHdFpkSKw/s640/036.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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If you are reading this, I want to ask you for prayer for two things. First, look at the women in these pictures. Some of them are on the other side. They have finally received their miracle babies and will be experiencing their very first (or second for some of them) happy mother's day this weekend. But a lot of these women are still experiencing infertility. I know it is hard to imagine that 1 in 8, when you are not one of them, or when you aren't close with any of them. Hopefully looking through these pictures put a face to it. Women going through infertility are suffering. No, we aren't dying. But the Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick, and I have found that to be so true. Heartsick is not fun. Grief feels unbearable at times. Infertility is devastating. Please keep these women in your prayers this Mother's Day. Please read <a href="http://www.scribblesandcrumbs.com/2015/04/30/7-ways-to-remember-hurting-mothers-this-mothers-day/" target="_blank">this blog post</a> and <a href="https://waitingforbabybird.com/2015/05/08/from-the-heart-of-an-infertile-a-letter-to-mamas-on-mothers-day/" target="_blank">this one</a>, too. <br />
<br />
My other prayer request is that you pray for this family.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcIerBGFcXk3d614l5Bj0S1q6ijuZNq8rJI-Lt2ccgesd-5_Myk3QubYi8SoBZijx6tE1bVloI7qcWBQKeEAYoqYk_NjHqYhG8p6oparIl-sA4OvGPXbUw-4CoqvVt7O0tQW8WxvsRFjA/s1600/12472661_10209292994224117_290242645905949283_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcIerBGFcXk3d614l5Bj0S1q6ijuZNq8rJI-Lt2ccgesd-5_Myk3QubYi8SoBZijx6tE1bVloI7qcWBQKeEAYoqYk_NjHqYhG8p6oparIl-sA4OvGPXbUw-4CoqvVt7O0tQW8WxvsRFjA/s640/12472661_10209292994224117_290242645905949283_n.jpg" width="632" /></a></div>
<br />
Beth, is the founder of Sarah's Laughter. She does SO MUCH for women facing infertility. I would tell you everything, but it would take up many many paragraphs, and that is not the point. Just know that she is an advocate and huge source of support and love for women facing infertility & loss. Her husband is right there with her, always helping with Sarah's Laughter. Their teenage daughter, Lexie, has been sick and in the hospital for more than 20 days now. They do not yet have a diagnosis. Lexie (their miracle child after their own battle with infertility) was in PICU at a local hospital for 17ish days, then last week they moved her to a children's hospital in Texas. Please pray for rest for this family, strength, an accurate diagnosis and treatment, and healing for Lexie. They have been having some really really tough days. They need your prayers. Thank you so much!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-27118369806105177782016-04-25T08:00:00.000-05:002017-02-18T21:29:46.983-06:00National Infertility Awareness Week: our story in a timelineIf you had asked me ten years ago what I thought my life would look like now, I would tell you that I would be married and that I would be a stay at home mom. I would tell you that by 38 years old, I would have my four kids. I would be certain of it. <br />
<br />
If you had told me five years ago when we started trying to conceive, when it was all exciting and new and full of great plans and ideas and dreams, if you had told me then that we would still not be pregnant in five years... well, I don't know what I would have done. I don't think I would have been able to handle that kind of news. Actually, I wouldn't have believed you and I would have become indignant and horrified that you would say such a thing. But you would have been right. <br />
<br />
I have been dreaming of being a mom since childhood. I always knew I would want to spend a little time just me and the husband for a couple of years, but after that we would start a family, just like everyone else. It never occurred to me that it would be difficult. I had never had irregular cycles. I had never had any issues. None of the women in our family had trouble conceiving. I remember knowing about women who had to do IVF, and it was such a foreign concept to me, it seemed so incredibly rare, I was never worried that it would be an issue, because of course it wouldn't be. I would get pregnant without any problems, just like everyone else I knew. I was naive. I was ignorant.<br />
<br />
When I realized getting pregnant would be difficult, when I had reached two years of trying, I would hear of people who had been trying for three years and think NO WAY could I bear infertility for that long. NO WAY would God still not answer my prayers after three years. Five wasn't even a worry. OF COURSE God wouldn't make me wait five years. Again, I was clueless.<br />
<br />
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. 1 in 8 couples in the United States today are faced with infertility. Infertility is the
diagnosis given when a couple has tried to conceive
for a year without success (or 6 months if over the age of 35). <br />
<br />
I have shared our story on this blog before, so I'm just going to share it in timeline style today. If you'd rather all the gory details, you can read all of that <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2015/04/our-journey-to-parenthood-infertility.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFprXkxxqPiKoS58QxvaRHpCKz6iAx74f8dFxPh1hAhEwWQuHab2AXCM0SZLjiDDomZRVGY-P3nCgjp8fCCqx_fSPey4OMgC9uQqTfQbN8DpGSkZJiqnNcUlnxlVvw_U17Ikyc_bvSsQA/s1600/73998_10150320630110018_732626_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFprXkxxqPiKoS58QxvaRHpCKz6iAx74f8dFxPh1hAhEwWQuHab2AXCM0SZLjiDDomZRVGY-P3nCgjp8fCCqx_fSPey4OMgC9uQqTfQbN8DpGSkZJiqnNcUlnxlVvw_U17Ikyc_bvSsQA/s1600/73998_10150320630110018_732626_n.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">November 2010 - not a care in the world!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
2010 (November): We reached our 2 year anniversary, when we had previously said we would discuss kids. Brad agreed we could start trying in April of 2011. I had been reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and decided to go ahead and get off the pill, so that my cycles would be regulated by the time April rolled around. I knew it could take 6 months for your cycles to regulate after coming off the pill, and I wanted my body to be in working order by the time it got to April. That way, you know, we would be pregnant in just a few months.<br />
<br />
2011 (January-March): This may seem unrelated, but it isn't. In January I decided it was time to make some changes. I faithfully took a bootcamp class three days a week, zumba two days a week, and counted every single calorie that went into my body, careful not to go over what was recommended to me at the time. At the end of 15 weeks of that, I had gained one pound. I went to my regular doctor who ran tests but said everything was fine with me, and to keep doing what I was doing. <br />
<br />
2011 (April): We couldn't get started trying because my cycles still had not regulated. May would make 6 months off the pill so I decided I would see my obgyn then. I was still hoping my cycles would get it together!<br />
<br />
2011 (May): Called my obgyn because my cycles still had not regulated. The nurse said they wanted to have me in to run some tests. I informed her that my GP had just run tests and told me everything was normal. She asked if he did a 2 hour glucose test. Um... no! She said she thought it sounded like I was insulin resistant, and I needed to come in for a glucose test. I did. I was diagnosed with insulin resistance. I was put on metformin and told it would help me lose weight, regulate my cycles, and increase my fertility. I thought that sounded like the pill for me! Haha. It did regulate my cycles. I even started ovulating. But we continued trying for over a year after that, and nothing.<br />
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2012: We did go back to my obgyn a couple of times this year, but I don't really remember what was said. I remember
she wanted me to keep trying to lose weight. I feel that I should have
asked for more tests, but I didn't know what to ask. I trusted her and even agreed with her. I didn't know there were other issues involved, though.<br />
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2013: In March I turned 35. This is the age where your fertility begins to decrease. I decided it was time to go back to my doctor and demand more tests, more answers. I knew my weight was a problem, and I was working on that, but I also knew in my heart that it wasn't the sole reason we had not conceived. I didn't think it was fair that losing weight was the only thing she could tell us, especially now at age 35. So I went in prepared to fight, but I didn't have to. She agreed that it was time to order more tests. She ordered an ultrasound for me and a sperm analysis for my husband.<br />
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2013 (October): I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which is the leading cause of infertility in women. We also found out that Brad has low sperm motility, or movement. Because of this, instead of just prescribing clomid (the original plan, pending test results), we would be doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination).<br />
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2013 (October): IUI #1 - unsuccessful. She referred us to Dr. Webster, reproductive endocrinologist.<br />
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2013 (November): Consult with Dr. Webster. HSG test with good results (no blocked tubes). Lots of bloodwork. <br />
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2013 (December): IUI #2 - unsuccessful.<br />
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2014 (January): IUI #3 - SUCCESS! Pregnant! Happy tears. Thank you, GOD! I would be having a baby in October 2014. <br />
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2014 (March): The worst ultrasound I have ever had (and by now I have had many of them!). It indicated a possible ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage. The only thing to do was wait and see. I think I can safely say this was the worst week of my life. After a terrifying ultrasound appointment on a Friday, after panic and tears and worry and prayers, I finally came to the conclusion that it was just too early to see anything, and that the next ultrasound would be better. But I woke up early Monday morning with the worst cramping, way worse than my usual time of month, and I knew it was over.<br />
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The rest of 2014 and half of 2015 is a blur. I did a lot of grieving in 2014, a lot of weeping, a lot of questioning God, and I did not dare step foot back in that fertility clinic. I also gained a lot of weight back. By the start of 2015, I was MUCH better emotionally, but financially we needed a few more months. <br />
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2015 (March): We went back for another consult. Doctor agreed we could do three more IUIs. We said we would be back in a few months (money is always a roadblock when it comes to fertility treatments). I had very high hopes that what worked before could work again. I believed! <br />
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2015 (June): IUI #4 - unsuccessful.<br />
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2015 (July): IUI #5 - unsuccessful.<br />
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2015 (August): IUI #6 - unsuccessful.<br />
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At this point, our next step would be a lot more expensive, so we had to take yet another break from treatment. Still trying on our own though! My doctor retired in December, so I knew I would need to begin seeing a new doctor. In April of 2016, we had a consult with our new doctor, and we absolutely love him. We have a plan, and I will share it when I am ready. Nothing is happening quite yet anyway. <br />
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That is our story. But our story isn't over. God isn't finished. He is working, He is moving, He has been present throughout our story, even when I couldn't see it. I have been doing really well lately, but if I have learned anything on this journey it is that I can be doing just fine and then out of the blue get hit with the devastation of it all. There are good days and bad days. There are days when I doubt, and days when I grieve. There are days when I worry about my future and I just don't know what we are going to do. But I know that God knows what to do. I take great comfort in knowing that God is not alarmed by any of this. He isn't freaking out about it. And He has the answer. A lot of people have given us advice, or have told us what they are sure will work. Many have suggested pills, drinks, relaxation techniques and even adoption as things that are sure to help me to conceive. But God hasn't told us any of these things. The only thing God has told me to do is to believe Him. And that is what I am going to do. He has always been faithful to me.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* * * * * * * * </span></div>
<br />
1 in 8 couples in the United States are facing infertility. This means it is very likely that you know people going through it, even if you think you don't. Infertility is not about impatience or being too stressed or needing to go on vacation. Infertility is a disease. It can also be very isolating if you do not reach out. Please feel free to share my blog so that those going through it will know they are not alone. I will be blogging more throughout the week.<br />
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<br />Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-23944489587429503572016-04-07T11:30:00.000-05:002016-04-07T11:30:54.737-05:0052 Lists | Dream Jobs <div style="text-align: center;">
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For this list, I am supposed to list my childhood & current dream jobs. Well, this shouldn't be too difficult! I'm nothing if not a daydreamer. </div>
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<u>List #14 - Dream Jobs</u> </div>
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As a child, I had three things I wanted to be when I grew up. I'm not sure how I thought I would have time to do all three of those... whew! But the sky is the limit when you're a kid. :)</div>
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<strong>{CHILDHOOD dream jobs}</strong> </div>
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-Mom</div>
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-Actress</div>
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-Pediatrician</div>
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Today, my dreams are similar. Except, medical school? No, thank you. </div>
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Some of the current dreams are just dreams in my head that will never come to be (either for obvious reasons or because I am 38 and not going back to school or anything like that! It's fun to just dream!). But a few of them could come to pass, and I hope they do! (Especially #1, obviously.) </div>
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<strong>{CURRENT dream jobs}</strong> </div>
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-Mom</div>
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-Full-time photographer</div>
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-Author </div>
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-Working actress (without having to audition - haha)</div>
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-Casting Director (I have always wanted to do this. Maybe should have pursued it as a career!)</div>
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-Professional Stage Manager (I love stage managing... if only I could do it during the day!)</div>
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-You know Ellen's assistant person? The girl who gets to travel & tell people Ellen bought them a car or whatever? I would love to do that for Ellen. Or Jimmy Fallon. Speaking of Fallon...</div>
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-Jimmy Fallon's assistant. Because he is so funny!</div>
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-Humans of New Orleans girl or something like that (copying off of the Humans of NY guy).</div>
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P.S. If you do not know what Humans of NY is, you're missing out. Especially if you are a people watcher like myself. He is a photographer in NY and his work is probably my favorite thing to pop up in my newsfeed. I just want to follow him around for a day! (Check out Humans of New York on Facebook or Instagram.) </div>
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So there you go! </div>
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What are your dreams - realistic or not!?</div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-28329158067121857362016-03-31T16:08:00.001-05:002016-04-07T07:21:25.983-05:00Birthday LoveMaybe I should tell you about my birthday, now that my birthday month is practically over. Clearly, as a blogger, I am just on top of things! (Insert eye roll emoji here.)<br />
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I had a TERRIFIC birthday.<br />
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I mean, you would think I was turning 28, not 38, with the amount of celebrating we did. Or maybe 18. It may have been out of control. But I loved every minute of it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCqOHgQkfdJyB10j84E3015WnQQ5eB9XEGhGogqHcYllavq11_RvN16V-_zKpg4der8dXTAw37OCUY4HMH-5bxPjxF3iaQQ5BZBSZMufFUNe4NiPsJhzsU5LmPIM4SEv40JUEU8bdCls/s1600/IMG_6852.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCqOHgQkfdJyB10j84E3015WnQQ5eB9XEGhGogqHcYllavq11_RvN16V-_zKpg4der8dXTAw37OCUY4HMH-5bxPjxF3iaQQ5BZBSZMufFUNe4NiPsJhzsU5LmPIM4SEv40JUEU8bdCls/s640/IMG_6852.JPG" width="512" /></a></div>
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My birthday was Wednesday, March 2nd, and we managed to extend it all the way to that Saturday.<br />
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Random fact about me. I love birthdays. Not just mine. Everyone's. I have a crazy memory when it comes to random people's birthdays too. I still remember the birthday of kids I babysat decades ago, and I still remember the birthday of people I was friends with in elementary school, even if I haven't seen them in person since then. I wish I had that kind of memory about other things, but I generally have a terrible memory. <br />
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Even though I always love birthdays, and I (normally) love and celebrate getting older (because that's a good thing, since there is only one alternative!), the older I get without kids the harder it is. I thought I would be depressed on or around my birthday, because here I am another year, and now in my late thirties, childless. And that is just not making me happy. I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life. If life were up to me, I would have 3 kids by now. At this point, I am just praying and hoping that God blesses us with one.<br />
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Another reason I wasn't sure of how much fun my birthday would be is because I had to work on my birthday. I realize that this is called adulting and that I am an adult and that working on your birthday is just a part of life. However, this was the first year in several years that I had to work. Last year on my birthday, <a href="http://www.laurablogsagain.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">my friend Laura</a> was in town, and I had taken off of work for her visit. The year before that and the year before that, it was a weekend on my birthday. The year before that, Brad & I took the day off and spent it together. So it has been years since I have worked on my birthday. I thought I would continue that tradition and take the day off, but I really need to save my vacation hours. I just didn't think working on my birthday would be that much fun! I was wrong. It was a fantastic day.<br />
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All of that to say, I am so thankful that God gave me a wonderful birthday this year. I didn't feel an ounce of depression that week, and that is saying something these days. I felt so loved and so celebrated. It was nice. And I am grateful.<br />
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So here is the rundown, and picture overload!<br />
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<u>March 2 (my actual birthday):</u><br />
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I got to work to find a bunch of balloons at my desk. At lunch time, my besties Mandy & Billy came to my work to have lunch with me! It was a beautiful day, so they grabbed a table outside and waited for me to join them. They had pizza from Grimaldi's, a mini bundt cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes (cinnamon, my favorite!), a bouquet of daisies (another favorite!), a card, and balloons! So sweet!<br />
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When my break was almost over, the door opened and ALL of my coworkers came out singing happy birthday to me! They had a gift for me & a cookie cake. It was so sweet and I didn't expect it at all!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhACNWZNaEj_orvy4c6upgCdA14Ref8zMlZBXxqlhyphenhyphenSiRQIJx2Vyv0ZBHyj7iM9n4Fb5CbmOAjcnIPMN1qF1bpJ4X7Sxz268KjI1oZMdWTdPvrrdmdRhEI-lXen73BQuZETWKiUWwBgK1w/s1600/IMG_6741.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhACNWZNaEj_orvy4c6upgCdA14Ref8zMlZBXxqlhyphenhyphenSiRQIJx2Vyv0ZBHyj7iM9n4Fb5CbmOAjcnIPMN1qF1bpJ4X7Sxz268KjI1oZMdWTdPvrrdmdRhEI-lXen73BQuZETWKiUWwBgK1w/s640/IMG_6741.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back row: My bestie Mandy (I made her get in the pic with us!), mammo techs Jackie, Morgan & Jena, receptionist Frankie, & mammo tech Cheryl. Front row: mammo tech Joel, me, Dr. Roberts (radiologist), & Julie (xray/mammo tech). </td></tr>
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Now you know most of my work peeps! I love these people.<br />
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After work, Brad & I went and had dinner, just the two of us, at J. Alexander's. SO GOOD. <br />
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I must show you Brad's plate, because it really was quite impressive! </div>
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I mean, if that had been all the celebrating we did, that would have been more than enough! It was an awesome day. But that wasn't all! </div>
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<u>Friday, March 4th:</u> <br />
Months before, I had decided that since opening night of Into the Woods was my birthday weekend, I had to get a few girlfriends and go! Mandy, Betsy & Sarah were happy to join. They met me at Bistro Byronz after work. We ate on the patio. I love eating outside if it is an option, it's just that there aren't too many days in Louisiana that feel good enough to eat outside! It's usually so hot and humid. Or rainy! But my birthday week, the weather was perfection! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Betsy, Mandy, Sarah & me. Love these girls, and so glad they are in my life!!</td></tr>
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After dinner, we headed to the theatre to see Into the Woods! Several of my friends were in it, and it was so well done. It was such a fun night! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCTzB4N5hDXCsxTvW900E9oee64-yzNomnOfDmoTl_qHP6YBqlohkHu2jWSGXGpz488zxzlou2JJ31puLBOTrvUMo-YS_RHUeNfpmVJgPIK74lsOt-7EQ1WL6SzV9AFlG3FmFrkq5iu0/s1600/FullSizeRender_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCTzB4N5hDXCsxTvW900E9oee64-yzNomnOfDmoTl_qHP6YBqlohkHu2jWSGXGpz488zxzlou2JJ31puLBOTrvUMo-YS_RHUeNfpmVJgPIK74lsOt-7EQ1WL6SzV9AFlG3FmFrkq5iu0/s640/FullSizeRender_1.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With my girls!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJf_QlxP3KOIPylwKk7e7Ue5R2YmBVTwSipReweLxs2baRvJJe1ej0c-pMpccOuGTDiYEFWzs0p6K9chMjdBFBKydpJKJ6k_p4n1aS1TF4HZRuAvPHCB8MAUvv9liTN-HrSI7iOuvKKY/s1600/FullSizeRender_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJf_QlxP3KOIPylwKk7e7Ue5R2YmBVTwSipReweLxs2baRvJJe1ej0c-pMpccOuGTDiYEFWzs0p6K9chMjdBFBKydpJKJ6k_p4n1aS1TF4HZRuAvPHCB8MAUvv9liTN-HrSI7iOuvKKY/s640/FullSizeRender_4.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My dear friend Brittany played Rapunzel, and she was awesome! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE9i8P-p_nnsXwb4wfn9xxrcWnsWJxeEhXwCEB3xvZ-FIIiU7xz_-RQ2j8_T3OrXtJms7UbkcP8sEQw4nsjeOZmoItwTEs932JEKByXk0L-BIfyaC97WVSdNvRot6-AYuuyO3PVBV_28s/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE9i8P-p_nnsXwb4wfn9xxrcWnsWJxeEhXwCEB3xvZ-FIIiU7xz_-RQ2j8_T3OrXtJms7UbkcP8sEQw4nsjeOZmoItwTEs932JEKByXk0L-BIfyaC97WVSdNvRot6-AYuuyO3PVBV_28s/s640/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With Lizzy & Brittany! It was like a Beauty & the Beast reunion! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Stage Manager Caty. This girl is amazing! <br />
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Side note: David is one of my favorite people on the entire planet. I mean, seriously. He is awesome. I met him during Beauty & the Beast. He wasn't in it, but would stand in the wings & try to make me laugh...while I was actually on stage...I mean not where I would mess up or anything like that! It was funny. And I didn't even know him then... that's how we met! We ended up playing in Christmas Carol together, and also did an elementary school theatre tour together one semester, which was a blast, and where i really got to know him. This guy is one of the nicest, sweetest, most talented & most hilarious guys you will ever meet. He is not on social media, and our paths just don't cross often enough. So it basically made my whole year to see his face. Sorry for the long tangent, but I had to express to you how great it was to see him! He was there to see the show the same night!<br />
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Moving on! <br />
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<u>Saturday, March 5th:</u> <br />
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On Saturday, family got together to celebrate my birthday at Willie's a fairly new restaurant in town that we had never been to. It was delish! Another gorgeous day there, so we sat on the patio again! The food was delicious, and mom ordered a cake which she brought for dessert. Never ever has there been a more "me" cake! Haha! My favorite color & daisies! :) My parents, my sister & brother-in-law, Brad's parents, and Billy & Mandy were all able to join us! </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> me & my dad! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQyttQkBlR2qZnm4XG6_qzF3efv-WNGlG2AJdUtQuS-f19vWFqf4lJbkhhUumzCN4J4HGRnBxDbBzAftprC2ycrxI6_mXPNVm_z5GYyb1Ry9bSOm267fvk-ttkeiEuNFdhQ1fNig9WpBc/s1600/FullSizeRender_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQyttQkBlR2qZnm4XG6_qzF3efv-WNGlG2AJdUtQuS-f19vWFqf4lJbkhhUumzCN4J4HGRnBxDbBzAftprC2ycrxI6_mXPNVm_z5GYyb1Ry9bSOm267fvk-ttkeiEuNFdhQ1fNig9WpBc/s640/FullSizeRender_5.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Billy & Mandy </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQj1g4aGc3LXf9B_VHu-GxrPtLPr847Nzij_5fX3l-RXloOYeFN4YFW3sltGvkdatWi5zBJ6hl2wsmWjw1kuiN_5mvz_0PyAufJTRrbypQtxBZFBQ-C9pDcOpfDt2MpK_LFMtpXRDfW0/s1600/FullSizeRender_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQj1g4aGc3LXf9B_VHu-GxrPtLPr847Nzij_5fX3l-RXloOYeFN4YFW3sltGvkdatWi5zBJ6hl2wsmWjw1kuiN_5mvz_0PyAufJTRrbypQtxBZFBQ-C9pDcOpfDt2MpK_LFMtpXRDfW0/s640/FullSizeRender_7.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This picture makes me so happy! So thankful for my family! </td></tr>
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After lunch, all ten of us went to the movies to see RISEN. It was so good, and fun seeing it at Movie Tavern with the fam! Hello, recliners! Loved it.<br />
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I didn't mention gifts, but I got a ton. Not that that is what matters, but thought I would share! Some of these came from long-distance friends (hello, Laura & Belinda!). Such thoughtful people! And this isn't even all of it! (Obviously I love mugs, in case you missed that somehow. And yes, my husband got me a fitbit and i am obsessed!) <br />
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It was such a great day and week. And y'all, I didn't even mention the countless posts, texts, & calls! A couple of friends took me to dinner, too. So sweet. I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life! 38 isn't looking too bad after all! ;) Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-44687059792738001092016-03-29T11:33:00.000-05:002016-03-29T11:33:12.225-05:00Catching up on my 52 Lists I mean, the one blog idea I was going to keep up with was 52 Lists. I love making lists. It's not that hard. It's simple. So, what is my problem? Not even to List #10, and I have fallen by the wayside. Oops. Well, I'm just going to catch up real quick! <br />
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<u>List #10 - Ways to Cleanse for Spring</u></div>
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I think this is where I went wrong. I thought, seriously? What a boring list! I think I'll skip this week! Then I skipped another week & another. So. I don't have much to say about spring cleaning. Because I don't really clean as much as I should. I definitely wouldn't be winning any housekeeper of the month awards, I'll tell you that.<br />
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Then, I organized two things around my house that had been bugging me. And I thought, HEY! Maybe I DO occasionally do a little bit of cleaning. Ha. I also dusted the nasty house. I would really like to plant some pretty flowers out front, but I have yet to do that. I have no green thumb. And kneeling for hours while planting things just doesn't sound like my idea of fun. But maybe I will make that happen.<br />
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Anyway, the gift wrap situation was out of control. I had all of it in one of those under-the-bed bins. Whenever I needed to wrap something, it would be forever digging through that thing. Or not. It drove me nuts. I ended up buying one of those over the door organizers and got it all under control. It didn't have a place for gift bags, so I just organized them by theme, and put them in a larger bag. I told Brad, I shouldn't have to buy another gift bag for a very long time. I have been buying them, but unnecessarily, as I have birthday, baby, wedding, and Christmas bags in there! <br />
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<em>please excuse all other clutter and focus on the wonderful gift wrap organization </em>:)</div>
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The other recent organizing I did was inspired by a picture in a magazine I got in the mail. It had a nice basket on top of the fridge, and immediately I knew what I needed to do with the clutter on top of our fridge. I picked up the basket at Home Goods, and wah-lah! <br />
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<em>please excuse the crooked magnets</em> :)</div>
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So there you go. Spring cleaning. Done. (Other things that need to be done... probably won't happen!)</div>
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Moving on! </div>
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<u>List #11 - My Essentials</u> </div>
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Brad hugs</div>
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Coffee the way Brad makes it </div>
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Netflix</div>
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my iPhone & charger</div>
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my fitbit</div>
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a good pen</div>
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chapstick</div>
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cozy blankets</div>
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a space heater (because I'm always freezing when Brad isn't)</div>
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my yeti cup</div>
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friend time</div>
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quiet time</div>
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my support group</div>
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a paycheck</div>
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my camera</div>
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<u>List #12 - Things that feel like Home</u></div>
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Our actual home. (I mean...)</div>
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My parent's house</div>
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Theatre Baton Rouge</div>
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the smell of fresh laundry</div>
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being around my church family</div>
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Mandy & Billy's couch! Haha!</div>
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Um... that's all I got. </div>
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<u>List #13 - Things I want to Make</u></div>
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Can I rename this to "Things i want someone to make for me"? Please? Because I am not crafty, and I don't like making things. I want to pay someone to make these things for me. Except the photo books. I can handle that. </div>
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more photo books</div>
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a coffee mug rack!!!!</div>
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a wreath for every season </div>
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a garden in the backyard</div>
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pretty flowers in the front yard</div>
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Um...that's good enough. :) </div>
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So there you go. Caught up! And I have so much more to blog about. I will do better! ;)</div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-44789703580637449172016-03-03T11:43:00.000-06:002016-03-03T11:47:26.728-06:0052 Lists | Places I Want to Go Ooh, the places I would go! There are lots of places on my bucket list. However, we really don't travel that much. I would love to, though... someday! I love to explore, I am curious by nature, and new adventures are exciting to me. I just need some money and time off work. Ha! <br />
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<u>List #9 - Places I want to Go</u> <br />
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Hawaii</div>
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Germany<br />
Prince Edward Island, Canada</div>
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Savannah, Georgia</div>
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North Carolina</div>
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South Carolina</div>
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New York City (again but longer this time!)</div>
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Cozumel (again)</div>
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Any of the tropical islands</div>
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London, England</div>
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the coast of Maine</div>
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Seattle, Washington</div>
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Monterrey, California</div>
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Santa Monica, California (again)</div>
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Butler, Pennsylvania (to visit Laura again)</div>
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Tonawanda, New York (to visit my friend Rebecca)</div>
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Blue Ridge, Georgia (again)</div>
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Natchitoches, Louisiana (during the Christmas festival)</div>
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There are more... but these are the first to come to mind, and places I have always wanted to visit! :)</div>
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<strong>What places do you want to visit!?</strong> </div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-32980663858927647882016-03-01T16:53:00.001-06:002016-03-01T16:53:54.337-06:00Currently | March 2016Thought I would copy off some favorite bloggers by doing a little post about my current thoughts/favorites/feelings. :) Here we go.<br />
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<u>CURRENTLY</u></div>
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<strong>Anticipating... </strong>an amazing weekend! Going to dinner and to see Into the Woods at the theatre with some of my favorite girls this Friday, and having lunch with my family on Saturday for my birthday!</div>
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<strong>Cooking... </strong>Honestly, I could and should be doing a lot more cooking. I am a bit lazy about doing that regularly. I did make my favorite chicken pot pie for a family this past Saturday, though. That counts for something, right?!</div>
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<strong>Enjoying... </strong>American Idol this year. I haven't watched it the last 3 seasons because I was just OVER IT, but I decided to tune in for the final season, and I am so glad I did. I only disliked two of the top 14, but those are now gone, so... I am LOVING the entire top ten! YAY! (This never happens. Usually I only love 1 or 2, and I like 3 or 4, but dislike the rest, and those are the ones they keep week after week! Not this time! I love them all!)</div>
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I mean, really. I would post a picture of my favorites, but THESE ARE MY FAVORITES. Ha. If I HAD to pick a favorite, I would probably say Sonika. But I love Olivia too. And Dalton. And LaPorsha! And Lee. And Mackenzie. See my problem? I really like them all. So I don't think I will get disappointed this year.<br />
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ALSO, Kelly Clarkson's song, y'all!!! Oh my goodness! Beautiful! And I loved the duets with past idols. Wish they'd done that every year. <br />
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So anyway... moving on!<br />
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<strong>Feeling... </strong>Pretty good today, actually. I get the feeling somebody (or somebodies) have been praying for me, since my last post. Feels like that heavy weight sitting on my heart has been lifted. Thank you, Lord. And thank you, friends. Please don't stop. Love y'all! <br />
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<strong>Learning...</strong>to trust Him. He is trustworthy... so I can trust Him. Why is that so hard when it comes to infertility? When has He ever proven himself unfaithful to me?! Never. So yeah... more about this later. :)<br />
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<strong>Reading... </strong>The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant.<br />
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<strong>Wanting... </strong>pizza, okay?!!<br />
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<strong>Watching... </strong>My favorite shows: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD, Law & Order SVU, Grey's Anatomy, American Idol & The Walking Dead. I am caught up on all of these except The Walking Dead, so no spoilers, okay!? Also, The Voice starts back up tonight! <br />
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<strong>What are you watching/reading/enjoying lately?!</strong> </div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-23524044372154318152016-02-26T12:18:00.001-06:002016-02-28T00:04:51.768-06:00A God Hug<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Have you ever felt like you just got a hug from God? I have. </span></div>
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The week before last was really hard. I have shared before that when it comes to infertility, there are good days and bad days. I have found that sometimes there is absolutely nothing that triggers the pain. One minute you're laughing with your coworkers, the next you are locking yourself in a bathroom stall so you can let out the tears. I often describe the pain of infertility as feeling like a person sitting on my chest. It just feels like a heavy weight is on top of my heart <i>all of the time</i>. <br>
<br>Two weeks ago on Tuesday, I had dinner with a friend, and told her that I didn't know how I would survive this, that I didn't think people knew just how devastating infertility really is, and that I felt like it has scarred me for life. That sounds a bit dramatic but it's true... I see everything differently now. In good ways and bad. That Wednesday I cried myself to sleep. That Thursday I had an old boss of mine ask me how my kids were doing. When I told her I didn't have any kids, she said she thought for sure I had told her I had one. When I said no, she asked how long I've been married. When I said "7 years", she replied, "It's time for kids." Conversations like these happen pretty regularly and they are painful, to say the least. I know they aren't intending to be hurtful, but it hurts anyway. Believe me, I know it's time for kids. This is beyond my control. <br>
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Also on last Thursday I started a blog post that went like this: <br>
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<i>I am hurting.</i><br>
<i>I am broken. </i><br>
<i>My heart feels shattered. </i><br>
<i>My heart is aching so bad that I can actually feel the pain. I can physically feel it. I guess that is hard to understand unless you have grieved a loss. </i><br>
<i>I am sometimes angry. </i><br>
<i>I do not understand. </i><br>
<i>I am crying, a lot.</i><br>
<i>I am pretending to be okay a lot. Not because I like to pretend, but because I am pretty sure people don't want to hear about infertility anymore. </i><br>
<i>I am worried people think I talk about it too much.</i><br>
<i>I am worried people think I just need to relax. (Relaxing does not cure infertility.) </i><br>
<i>I know people think if I would just do this or that then I would conceive. </i><br>
<i>I am failing at trusting God, and I am starting to struggle with believing Him. </i><br>
<i>I don't know why He is doing this.</i><br>
<i>I don't know why He is allowing me to go through this for so long.</i><br>
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Nice, right? I put all that here, not for sympathy, but just so you can see where my head has been. Mean whispers in my head that can't possibly be from the Lord. <em>Is He punishing me for some reason? Does he think I would be a bad mom? What if He never answers? </em>And then I have revisited the WHY question, even though I thought I was long past that. <i>Why, God? Why? Why are you doing this to us? Why are you blessing everyone with children except for us? Why won't you answer our prayers? Why why WHY! </i>These are thoughts that I used to have but overcame, but suddenly here they are again. Maybe it's because we are at almost 5 years of trying, and I am still going through this. Maybe it's because I am turning 38 in a few days. Or maybe it's because two years ago today, I was actually pregnant.<br>
<i><br></i>That Friday was a better day, and that Saturday was wonderful. I went to Woman's Hospital to take pictures of my husband's cousin's brand new baby girl. I didn't know how I would handle it after a week like that, but it was a wonderful session. The room was quiet, I had good lighting, I got to see some family, AND I got baby snuggles! Some people worry about babies making my heart hurt more, but I honestly feel a little bit of healing when I get some baby love. Saturday my heart felt full all day. Last Sunday was filled with some very painful cramps, thanks to that time of month, but thankfully, emotionally-speaking, I was okay.<br>
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Monday came and went, and then there was Tuesday. Tuesday was kind of crazy because schools were canceled due to the weather, and lots of businesses were closing early too. We weren't busy and I was bored, so I took a little break and went to the gift shop at work. I was just browsing when I heard, "Excuse me?" I turned around and another employee who I do not know but see in passing all the time was approaching me.<br>
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She put her hand out and introduced herself, saying she wanted to meet me. I was confused, but I shook her hand in return and gave her my name. Then she said, "You are going to think I'm crazy, but I just wanted to tell you: I was driving the other day, and I was just asking the Lord, "Who can I be a blessing to today? Who can I be praying for today?" And your face kept coming to my mind." We were both quiet for a minute, as I took that in. All I could do was stare at her, and try not to break down right there in the gift shop! She teared up a little and said, "And I mean, I know it's crazy, but I could cry right now. I don't even know what it is [that you're going through], but - "<br>
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I was struggling, because while I am pretty open about what we are going through, how do you just open up to a stranger about such a personal thing...and at work! I know nothing about this woman. What if she has kids? What if kids came easily to her? What if she doesn't have kids and never wanted them? And what if I do share but end up doing the ugly cry?! Ha. At the same time I wanted to tell her. This woman had listened to His voice, and I'm sure she wanted to know how she could pray for me. So I managed to respond by saying, "I can tell you what it is, but that's probably all I will be able to say, or I will cry...". She waited. "It's infertility, almost 5 years now." She nodded. And then she said, "Well, I just think God would want me to tell you that He loves you." I nodded and thanked her, and she gave me a hug. And then a few minutes later, as I was leaving the store, she said, "Nice to meet you, Melissa. Please let me know if I can do anything for you." <br>
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And that's it. And I don't really know what else to say, but I wanted to share that story, and I want to remember it. He knows what I am going through, and because He is a God of compassion, I believe He understands. I don't know why He won't give us our miracle right now, I really don't. And trust me, this hurts far more than you could possibly imagine, unless you have gone through it yourself. However, even in the midst of my pain, I am <i>so thankful </i>for moments like last Tuesday where God reminds me that I am not forgotten. I am <i>so thankful</i> for a God that sees the days where I am angry and frustrated. I am <i>so thankful </i>that I serve a God who He sees me when I am overcome with sadness. And I am <i>so thankful</i> that when He sees how weary I am, how absolutely tired of infertility I am, He is moved with compassion. I left the gift shop that day feeling like God had given me the strength to keep the faith a little longer. For that I am thankful. <div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">That isn't the first time God has done something like that for me. And I can't tell you what it does to my soul. I texted my friend afterwards, and her response was, "That was like a hug from the Lord!!!!" And that is exactly what it felt like. Not just when she hugged me, but the whole thing, felt like God was reaching down and giving me a big hug. Reminding me that He loves me and that He sees me. I am not forgotten. I am loved. </span><br><div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH9hl5mHifZq_VFctdjd72HNl0UY2ZkwawTNVFp99RnMuEVc3HU54Etgw3WrL7LPNiCIz6R_MfE5JOSpKoQOVCWdKX6ASbqMkjJTHRFUwYKlBVtH2mgEcvtZptQidpnk7FvAv9Baa0DkI/s640/blogger-image--609485934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH9hl5mHifZq_VFctdjd72HNl0UY2ZkwawTNVFp99RnMuEVc3HU54Etgw3WrL7LPNiCIz6R_MfE5JOSpKoQOVCWdKX6ASbqMkjJTHRFUwYKlBVtH2mgEcvtZptQidpnk7FvAv9Baa0DkI/s640/blogger-image--609485934.jpg"></a></div><br>
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</div></div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-50641229980373534312016-02-24T10:27:00.001-06:002016-02-24T10:27:11.563-06:0052 Lists | Favorite Albums <div style="text-align: center;">
<u>List #8 - Favorite Albums </u></div>
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Kari Jobe - Majestic</div>
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Christy Nockels - Into the Glorious</div>
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Bethel Music - We Will Not Be Shaken</div>
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Taylor Swift - 1989</div>
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Crystal Lewis - Beauty for Ashes</div>
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Crystal Lewis - Hymns: My Life</div>
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Nichole Nordeman - Brave</div>
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Amy Grant - The Collection</div>
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Kelly Clarkson - Thankful</div>
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Michael Buble - It's Time</div>
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Mariah Carey - Merry Christmas </div>
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Honestly, there are probably so many more that I am forgetting! Haha! I haven't listened to a few of these in awhile, but I remember listening to them non-stop! The first three are on a constant rotation in my car. Lately I've been just buying songs I love on iTunes, though. Trying to get with the times!</div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-5430324620411930172016-02-18T10:46:00.000-06:002016-02-18T10:46:32.981-06:0052 Lists | Things That Make Me Feel Healthy<div style="text-align: center;">
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<u>List # 7 - Things that Make Me Feel Healthy</u></div>
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Eating well, consistently</div>
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Having treats only occasionally</div>
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Being in control with my eating</div>
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Drinking lots of water</div>
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That I haven't had a coke since 2014</div>
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That I haven't had sweet tea since 2015</div>
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Swimming</div>
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Zumba</div>
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Walking</div>
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weight training</div>
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Exercising, consistently</div>
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Cooking </div>
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When I don't finish eating something just because it's there</div>
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Having balance</div>
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Not saying yes to everything</div>
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Not gossiping or participating in gossip</div>
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Getting enough sleep</div>
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Going to my weekly weight watcher meetings</div>
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Not giving up</div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-64851562735079670752016-02-14T20:26:00.000-06:002016-02-15T07:20:56.306-06:00Girl's Getaway WeekendThis past fall, while hanging out with three of my girlfriends in Coffee Call, our friend Betsy said she wanted a girl's weekend getaway. The rest of us were quick to agree. I don't know if I had been home an hour that night when Betsy texted us that she found a spot for us in Mandeville, Louisiana at Fontainebleau Campground. We gave our thumbs ups, she booked it, we invited the rest of the young adult girls at our church, and the countdown was on!<br>
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It was here before we knew it, and it was such a wonderful much-needed weekend! We stayed at the lodge instead of the cabins, because 2 bathrooms! We had a great time.<br>
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- FRIDAY-<br>
I got off work at noon, then made the fatal mistake of stopping in Hobby Lobby just to get one thing real quick. This put us a little behind, as I still hadn't packed yet. Ha! Eventually I got home, packed quickly, and got back on the road. I picked up my friend Sarah at her work, then picked up Becca at her apartment, and then we were on our way.<br>
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We got to Mandeville a little after dark, but my goodness, it was pitch black on that campground! I misinterpreted Mandy's text to me and didn't realize I was to pass up the campground, not turn into it. The lady at the gate didn't correct us, so we went on a wild goose chase throughout the campground, looking for a lodge that wasn't there. My text to Mandy said, "Well, we've met an armadillo and a deer, but we can't find our friends!" She was guiding me towards the lodge and said, "If you passed a school, you went too far." I said, "We never saw a school." HA! That is when she decided this wasn't a text conversation, and called me! LOL. It was quite the adventure, but we eventually made it to the lodge.<br>
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Betsy had made dinner, and we were all starving! Chili with all the fixings, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert! It was delicious! We chatted for awhile, then watched Pitch Perfect 2. Eventually we went to bed. There were three bedrooms: Mandy & Brandie in one, me & Betsy in the next one, and Becca, Sarah & Jessica in the third one.<br>
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- SATURDAY -<br>
I was surprised to find I slept pretty well on the bottom of a set of bunk beds! Sarah made us a delicious breakfast, then we all got dressed and headed out for lunch and shopping! <br>
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We had lunch at Liz's Where Ya At diner, which was absolutely DELICIOUS! They have the best food! My sister met us out there since she lives nearby. I loved that she got to meet my friends, and that they got to meet her. So glad I got to see her, too!<br>
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After that, we went shopping. Me, Becca, Sarah & Jessica got separated from Betsy, Brandie & Mandy when we parked at a shopping center and guessed they went in Home Goods, when they had actually gone to the Dollar Tree and a bookstore. I LOVE Home Goods, so we spent awhile in there, before leaving and running into Starbucks. We kept heading to the next store the rest of our group was in, but kept missing them! Haha. However, we all ended up back in our cars at the same time, and when Mandy texted that they were heading back to the lodge, we decided we were happy with going back too. <br>
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We went back and there was girl talk and lazing around for a few hours! Mandy cooked an amazing dinner - pork tenderloin, rice & gravy, mixed veggies, rolls, and apple pie and ice cream for dessert! <br>
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A little while after dinner we had worship and a devotional, both led by Betsy. It was so good, y'all. Just the 7 of us worshiping in that lodge, and then a really good devotional that got a good heart to heart discussion going. As we all went to bed, my heart felt so full. <br>
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- SUNDAY - <br>
Sunday morning I provided a quick breakfast, as we had a lot of cleaning and packing to do. Then it was time to head home. Of course, I needed a couple of pics first, especially with all that sun flare! (Maybe too much sun flare, but who cares!) <br>
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Becca rode with Jessica so she would have some company (she came up by herself on Friday since she had to work until 7.), so it was just me and Sarah for the ride home. I got home around 10:30 am, so it was nice to have the rest of the day to unpack, wash clothes, and do nothing. :) <br>
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Such a great much-needed weekend! We laughed until we cried, had delicious food, and even got to spend a little time in worship together. I have said it a million times: I am so blessed in friendship. I will never take it for granted.<br>
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And one of only two pictures I took with my Canon. :)<br>
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Can't wait for another girl's getaway weekend!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-23874837283731738482016-02-10T09:01:00.000-06:002016-02-10T09:01:59.805-06:0052 Lists | (6) Ways I Which I Can Love OthersI liked this week's list. We talk a lot about loving others regardless of their beliefs, status, education, and past, but how? How can you love people who are so different than you, or who are going through something that you don't understand? I think there are plenty of ways that we can show love. Here are some that come to mind. <br />
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<u>Week 6 - Ways in which I can Love Others</u></div>
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<em>I can love others by...</em></div>
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Forgiving quickly & easily</div>
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Not holding a grudge against them</div>
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Listening</div>
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Praying for them & with them</div>
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Not gossiping about them when others do</div>
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Standing up for them</div>
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Encouraging them</div>
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Supporting them</div>
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Bringing them a meal</div>
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Spending time with them</div>
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Accepting them the way they are</div>
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Giving them space if needed</div>
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Sending them snail mail</div>
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Treating them to lunch</div>
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Sending a text to let them know I am thinking about them</div>
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What are ways you can love others?</div>
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-52617990708563833252016-02-05T09:06:00.000-06:002016-02-05T09:06:24.473-06:0052 Lists | (5) Things I Am Grateful ForHi, friend! How are you? Aren't you so glad it's Friday?! I am! Today I only work half a day, and then am going with 6 girlfriends to a little weekend getaway! Can't wait!<br />
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Whew! Almost forgot about doing this week's list!<br />
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<u>Week 5 - Things I Am Grateful For</u></div>
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(in no particular order!)</div>
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a loving family</div>
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a great marriage</div>
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a husband who loves me unconditionally</div>
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solid true friendships</div>
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praise & worship</div>
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scripture </div>
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a caring pastor & church family</div>
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nature</div>
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dogs</div>
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pictures</div>
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netflix</div>
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nice coworkers</div>
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our home<br />
prayer</div>
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the vacations & missions trips I've been able to take</div>
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the good cooks in my life (ie, my mom, my mother-in-law, & mandy!)</div>
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Sarah's Laughter support group</div>
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the ability to pay our bills and still have a little leftover</div>
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weight watchers</div>
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awesome mentors throughout my life</div>
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water/food/electricity/wifi</div>
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a God who understands, loves, heals, rescues</div>
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<br />Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-28476874602982555302016-01-26T11:29:00.000-06:002016-01-27T15:54:06.998-06:0052 Lists | (4) Current Goals & DreamsToday's list was not hard for me. I am a daydreamer; my head is always in the clouds! I already posted about my <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2016/01/2016-goals-for-new-year.html" target="_blank">new year's resolutions</a>, but here are some other things I would love to see happen in the near future. (A few of them are already on the calendar!) <br />
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<u>Week 4 - Goals & Dreams</u> </div>
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Stick to Weight Watchers.</div>
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Complete a few photo books.</div>
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Be a good friend.</div>
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Buy a coffee mug shelf.</div>
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See a play &/or musical.</div>
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Finally get some curtains for the house.</div>
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Finally get some furniture for our little porch.</div>
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Finally get a mirror or pictures up in our entryway.</div>
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(Clearly I am thinking about home décor right now!)</div>
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Go on a hike. </div>
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Go to the beach.</div>
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Lead worship.</div>
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Minister to the brokenhearted.</div>
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Be a prayer warrior.</div>
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Visit some new (to us) restaurants.</div>
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Read the books I have that I still haven't read.</div>
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Become a mommy!<br />
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So there you have it! What are your dreams?! </div>
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<br />Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-14272412044820285292016-01-23T08:43:00.002-06:002016-01-23T09:10:12.803-06:002016 | Goals for the New YearI love a new year. I love the hope that comes with it. I start to dream about how things might be different, how I might be different. I look at the pages of my planner, most of them empty, and wonder what events will take place throughout the year. There is so much expectation. It's exciting to me.<br />
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I always make New Year's resolutions. I know MANY people who do not believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I have to tell you... I like them! I am not saying I always stick to every single one. And I'm not saying I don't make other goals throughout the year. But there is something I love about starting fresh with a brand new year.<br />
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I also must add that the notion that nobody ever succeeds with their resolutions is simply not true. So many people set new year's resolutions that are completely unrealistic. But make realistic ones, and you might actually succeed at them! I can't remember what all of my new year's resolutions were last year. I know I planned to complete several photo books, and that didn't happen! I know I wanted to incorporate an 80/20 lifestyle with eating... eh, that didn't happen either!<br />
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But I did set a goal to take a picture a day! And while I know that isn't a big deal, this was my 3rd or 4th try on this, and I always failed! But in 2015, I did it! No cheating... one pic a day. (Thanks to those who humored me during this process! Haha!) <br />
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The other resolution I had was to quit coca-cola... my absolute favorite drink! It was my addiction! I cannot believe how many cokes I used to drink everyday. It was a LOT! I loved that drink so much. Well, guess what. I stuck to that resolution 100%! And I didn't have any other soda either, with the exception of when we visited the Coca-Cola Factory in Atlanta on our vacation. I tried a few of the foreign ones, for the experience of it. Most of them were disgusting! Blech! But I am very proud of myself for sticking to that goal!<br />
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My other resolution was to really focus on making the word BELIEVE my word for the year. Just to really study it, read about it, and get it into my heart and mind. I would say I definitely stuck to that one too, and it made all the difference in my perspective when it came to our walk through infertility. <br />
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So anyway, enough rambling. Here are my resolutions for 2016.<br />
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<u>1. "EYES ON JESUS"</u><br />
I talked about this in my post about <a href="http://www.littlemrsmarried.com/2016/01/hello-2016.html" target="_blank">my word for the year</a>. My word this year is TRUST. I know that in the Hebrew, the words believe and trust mean basically the same thing. But from my modern American viewpoint, they are different. Believe, to me, is about knowing He is able & that He will fulfill His promises to me! Trust is a whole different ballgame! For me, trust is about not only believing He can & will, but also about surrendering my will to His, knowing that how He does it and why it is taking so long is His business. I want to really focus on trusting Him and keeping my eyes on Him. I know that when I do that, I am in a much better place.<br />
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<u>2. Read the Bible & spend time in prayer everyday.</u> <br />
Pretty self-explanatory. How am I supposed to make trusting God my focus if I am not spending enough time with Him? I want to get in His word everyday, even if it's only a few minutes. I feel like my worship & prayer life grew a lot in 2015, but I want that area of my life to continue to grow. Wouldn't mind having a War Corner! (We do not have an extra closet or room for a War Room!)<br />
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<u>2. Stick to Weight Watchers!</u><br />
My health has got to be my priority, once and for all. I joined weight watchers and I cannot even tell you how excited I am about this program. It works! And for the first time in my dieting life, I do not feel deprived. I could go on and on, and I will in an upcoming post. But I definitely feel like this is something I can do long-term. So my goal is this: Stick to weight watchers, go to the weekly meetings as much as possible, do not go over my points, and track everything I eat. I feel like this is completely reasonable. I realize that life happens. If for some reason I cannot afford it anymore, or if I have to quit for some other reason, then I will have to do it on my own for awhile. But I don't plan on quitting! This program is worth the money, and it is definitely something I want to stick to throughout the year. <br />
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<u>3. Get moving!</u> <br />
This is one resolution I never keep, but I still want to make it a resolution! Haha! I need to get moving. I sit at a computer everyday for work, and then many nights I go home and either sit at another computer to edit pictures, OR I sit on the couch to watch netflix. NO GOOD! I have to set some type of goal for this. Weight Watchers gives you a challenge of so much activity to do each day. They start you off small, but increase it as you go! My goal is to just to earn the activity points set for me, at least 2 days a week (to start. I realize I need way more exercise than that!). <br />
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<u>4. Improve my Photography Skills.</u> <br />
I am loving photography lately! I mean, duh, right? But I just feel like it has gotten to be something I enjoy even more! I still feel like I have areas where I need to improve, so I definitely want to work on my skills. I would like to learn more editing techniques, among other things. Maybe a class is in my future. We will see! I also want to get in the habit of blogging my photo shoots (on my photography website). Check out my latest posts <a href="http://melissavenablephoto.com/blog" target="_blank">here</a>!<br />
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<u>5. BLOGGING!</u><br />
Y'all. I have never made blogging a part of my new year's resolutions, but it really makes me sad that I hardly blogged at all in 2015! Sad face! So I am here to tell you, I really want to blog on a more regular basis again! Wish me luck!<br />
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So there ya go!! Look out 2017... you may not even recognize me. :)</div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-40520299846565466202016-01-20T09:57:00.002-06:002016-01-20T16:18:12.223-06:0052 Lists | (3) Things I Should Be Proud Of At first I was a little unsure about today's list. Things I should be proud of? What? I have to tell you that there are a bunch of things that I am NOT proud of. I didn't finish college, and I wish I did. I racked up debt in my twenties because I could not/would not stick to a budget. I tried and failed too many diets, ending up heavier than I ever thought I would. But the more I thought about it, I have some things I should be proud of too. And this post isn't about my failures, it's about my accomplishments. So here we go, in no particular order...<br />
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<u>Week 3 - Things I Should Be Proud Of</u> </div>
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I have a good job, and have been there almost 3 years now.</div>
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I paid off all of my student loans, plus other debt.<br />
I am a photographer. <br />
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I started my own photography business.</div>
I/we have a wonderful marriage. <br />
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I waited for God's best when it came to my husband.</div>
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I kept my commitment to save sex for marriage, even though my husband came along much later than I thought he would!</div>
I auditioned and was cast in a few musicals at Theatre Baton Rouge.<br />
I am a darn good stage manager (if i do say so myself!)(although it's been awhile!).<br />
I have struggled and failed many times with losing weight, but I always get back up and try again.<br />
I have not had a Coca-Cola since December 2014.<br />
I always look for the good in people.<br />
I am compassionate towards others and their struggles.</div>
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I/we are good tippers.<br />
I am a loyal friend.<br />
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So there you have it, although I have to say that some of these would not have been possible without God's strength & grace! <br />
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What things are you proud of? :)</div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9217937039704228322.post-50374991757517673912016-01-16T12:15:00.001-06:002016-01-16T12:48:48.745-06:00Hello, 2016. So glad you're here.Yes, it is halfway through January and I am just now writing about the new year. Ha. Better late than never, right? Honestly, there is so much to say about 2015, and about my hopes for 2016, I really don't even know where to start. I feel like while 2012 and 2013 were hard, 2014 was harder, and I was desperate for a good year in 2015. For me that meant one thing: a baby (or two). Obviously that didn't happen. Was it a bad year, though? I don't think I can say that. While our dream of becoming parents was not fulfilled, and while there have been many, many nights where I felt angry and hopeless and heartbroken, I cannot deny the fact that God has been with me.<br>
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He comforted me through the really hard days. He helped me to keep believing and keep trusting Him. He had people praying for me, and they would let me know it, and I cannot tell you how that makes me feel. He sent me little reminders of His faithfulness and His promises, often through friends, through people at church, through scripture, and through gifts being sent to me with my word for the year, BELIEVE. All of this encouraged me so much. And I think one of the best things about 2015 was the friendships. <i>So many good friendships</i>. We made new friends with people who became very dear to us very quickly. And friends we already had that became more like family. I have been putting together a photo book from my picture-of-the-day project. A picture every day of the year, and I was putting it together with a week on each page. By the end of it, my heart felt like it might burst with joy for the good, solid, God-given friendships we have. My cup overflows!<br>
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Last year, I had a word for the year: Believe. I had never done a word for the year before. I was always more of a resolutions girl. But the word "believe" was on my heart and would not go away. It was one of those things where I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I have no doubt He is the one who gave me that word. He was telling me to make that word my focus. To believe Him all year long, even when it was hard. To just keep on believing... that He is able, that He will do it, that He keeps His promises, and ultimately that He is capable and WILL give us our miracle. So that is what I did. And I have to tell you, that word alone got me through many tough moments throughout the year.<br>
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I have been asked a few times if I have a new word for 2016. The answer is yes, and no. I am keeping the word believe. It has come to mean so much to me, and I want to keep on believing Him for our miracle. However, I want to adopt a new word to focus on, and that word is TRUST. The phrase that comes to mind is "eyes on Jesus". I think of the story in the Bible where Peter walked on water. As long as His eyes were on Jesus, he was good. But as soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus and looked at the waves around him, he began to sink! This is me. I know, not only from the word, but also from experience, that as long as my eyes are on Jesus I am in a much better place. I want to really focus on that this year. Continuing to believe him, but also <i>trusting </i>Him on the when and the why. Because to be honest with you, I thought our miracle would come in 2015. To be honest with you, I thought 4 years of infertility was enough. I thought our miracle was truly right around the corner. And while a new year brings so much hope, this year there is also a little bit of fear. Fear because the thought of going through another Mother's Day, another family reunion, another anniversary, another Christmas without a new baby (or one on the way)...I cannot find the words to express how that makes me feel. But it's not a good feeling. It is a feeling of dread.<br>
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Most of the time I just do not understand. I don't understand why my battle with infertility has to go on so long. I don't understand why most people can have babies whenever they want, but not us. I don't understand why God refuses to bless us with children when we did things "the right way". I don't understand why He very freely gives out this miracle... to everyone but us. I realize this is all very transparent, and it makes me nervous to put it out there. I don't want to be judged! But three truths come to mind... 1-all of these feelings are completely normal, 2 - God already knows I have these feelings and He understands them. And 3- It is impossible to understand my feelings unless you have been through this yourself. And even then, all of our stories are different. I have to be real with you for you to understand why "trust" is a good word for me this year. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus, believing and trusting Him, even when it's hard. I know that no matter how I feel, His word is always true. I can trust it. I can trust Him.<br>
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I have always loved a new year. Always. Just something about it. A new
day, a new season. A new year just whispers hope to my soul. It makes me
wonder what is ahead. I had a difficult December; the holidays are
tough. It is crazy to me though, how at the end of a year, I am hurting, I am
broken, I am depressed, I feel like things will never change. But come
December 29th or 30th or 31st, my entire perspective begins to shift. By
January, I am full of hope and excitement, and I am not feeling quite
so broken. I'm so thankful for that.<br>
<br>This year I happened upon a planner by doing a random search on instagram. I found the one. I wanted it because I loved the cover which reads, "The best is yet to come!", and from what I could see, I liked the layout, too. So I ordered it. Well, I just could not believe my eyes when I read one of the first pages. Pretty much exactly what I needed to read. It's kind of blurry, hope you can read it! Click on the picture to see it larger. <br>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsx3XWDJbSC8npLwM7HW9I-tcpchKP4h8XgKGO_fE5HDiJgMfHQX2WNAe52qplX9PifCwYz_WZ_EuSnNbpI8C-yp2s_BBXgz3nUIzUcrhXRNHYrFlnsnrw9qWj2rr_uQ0PuwjAS-7ogmY/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsx3XWDJbSC8npLwM7HW9I-tcpchKP4h8XgKGO_fE5HDiJgMfHQX2WNAe52qplX9PifCwYz_WZ_EuSnNbpI8C-yp2s_BBXgz3nUIzUcrhXRNHYrFlnsnrw9qWj2rr_uQ0PuwjAS-7ogmY/s400/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="361"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I mean, how perfect is this?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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So I find myself starting 2016 with excitement and hope, but also with just a little bit of understanding that my miracle just might not happen this year. Am I still believing Him? Yes, absolutely. But my timetable is different from His. I am concerned about my age, but He's not. I am concerned about how another year of this will wear on me, but He's not. He sees my future. He knows the plans He has for me. He knows our next steps. He knows our miracle, and how perfect he or she will be. He knows them by name. And that brings me so much hope. So 2016, I'm ready for ya. Can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815407660365883762noreply@blogger.com3