Something that has become a big part of my life is infertility. It has been a very painful journey, one that I never expected to face. But it has also been a journey full of surprise blessings and friendships.
I love life with my husband. He is the best. We are two peas in a pod. We spend most of our time being silly, singing made-up songs, and cracking ourselves up. We also like to just sit in the same room, drinking coffee and reading. We enjoy each other's company tremendously. We love each other. We love our life together. But even with all of that, there is a void. The truth is, I have always wanted to be a mom and I know he would make a wonderful dad. The desire to be a mom only became stronger when I got married, and it has only increased as the years have gone by. This is a desire that isn't going away. While God has given me a lot of peace and even some joy in this journey, there are also some really hard days. It has become therapeutic to be able to share our story here.
Here is the quick version of everything that has happened so far in our journey to conceive:
10/2010 - Stopped birth control so my cycles would be regular by April.
4/2011 - Ready to start trying; cycles still not regular.
- Saw obgyn, diagnosed with insulin resistance, prescribed Metformin,
told to continue trying naturally & that Metformin would help me
lose weight, regulate my cycles & increase my fertility. Tried
naturally for two years, it did regulate my cycles for the most part but
I still did not conceive despite charting & using ovulation
9/2013 - Went back to obgyn, at this point I was
35 & done with trying naturally. Obgyn agreed & decided to run
some tests. Ordered ultrasound for me & sperm analysis for Brad.
Found out I have PCOS and Brad has low sperm count & motility.
10/2013 - IUI #1 - unsuccessful. She referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist at this point.
11/2013 - HSG test to make sure tubes are clear - they are clear. A ton of other tests to check my levels, everything normal.
12/2013 - IUI #2 - unsuccessful.
1/2014 - IUI #3 - SUCCESSFUL! Pregnant! Miracle baby after 3 years of trying to conceive!
- Went in for ultrasound, turned into one of the worst days of my life. I would miscarry. And I did the following week. Did not go back for awhile due to financial &
emotional distress. Needed time to save money & heal. Continued to
6/2015 - IUI #4 - unsuccessful.
7/2015 - IUI #5 - unsucessful.
- IUI #6 - unsuccessful. This began another break from treatment. We
continued to try naturally in hopes of a miracle without help.
- Consult with new doctor. My doctor retired in December 2015, and we
decided to switch to the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) at my work,
out of convenience. SO glad we did, we love him & his staff so much!
We were planning to do more IUIs because the cost of IVF is so much,
but in our consult my doctor gave us a 25% success rate with IUI &
65% success rate with IVF. Until then I had always believed IUI would
work for us, but at that point I began to really hope we could
eventually do IVF. Soon after that appointment, my mom offered to cover
most of it for us. We began a series of tests to prepare for IVF.
Everything checked out except...
8/2016 - Saline Ultrasound, discovered polyp on my uterus. Polyps can interfere with implantation, so I would need surgery to have it removed.
10/2016 - Had surgery to remove polyps on my uterus (they found multiple polyps once in surgery).
- Egg retrieval! 15 eggs retrieved, which is excellent. 8 high grade
embryos went to freeze, also excellent. We were overjoyed.
- Due to my RE's wait list, we couldn't do our first transfer until
January. After a long two week wait, we found out that it worked! I was
pregnant!!! However, my very first beta (hcg test) revealed very low
numbers. The numbers decreased then increased then decreased, it was
quite a roller coaster, but not a viable pregnancy. We are currently
waiting & preparing for another transfer.
Below are links to the longer version of our story, plus everything else I've written on the subject.
OUR INFERTILITY STORY
Dealing with Fear
Oh, How He Loves Us
The Post I Didn't Want to Write
Infertility, Miscarriage & the Peace of God
Random Things & How I'm Feeling
What I'm Really Thinking
Baby Steps Infertility Awareness 5k
A Word for 2015
Just a Side Note or Two
I Do Believe!
Stacks of Stones
Kindness, Compassion & Infertility
I Still Believe
Running to God
A God Hug
Our Story in a Timeline
A Broken Truster, My Due Date, & the Faithfulness of God
Favorite Posts from other bloggers about Infertility:
How to Tell Your Infertile Friend, "I'm Pregnant!"
25 Worst Expressions to Say to an Infertile Friend
I Know You Hurt This Mother's Day
An Open Letter to Pastors: a non-mom speaks about Mother's Day
Sarah's Laughter is the ministry that puts on the support group I go to. It is such a huge blessing during this season of my life. On the website they have other support groups listed, check it out if you are in need of a support group in your area. They are so important! You do not have to walk through this journey alone. ALSO, Sarah's Laughter has a podcast & I love it! Check it out!
If you are suffering with infertility, you do not have to go through it alone. My support group has been a life saver for me. Reach out. Tell your story. Allow people to grieve with you, pray for you, support you. Yes, you will get ignorant comments, but that is your opportunity to educate them. ;) If nothing else, please email me. I will be glad to listen to your story.